Trinine Drabbles
by TrinineWriter
Summary: A Collection of short stories, one-shots and drabbles. Random Trinine stories / moments :)
1. Knights and Wizards

This is a one-shot I wrote just because ;) Hope you like it :) -Ashlynn

Tris closed her book with a thump and a triumphant smile. "That was by far the best book I've read in a really long time."  
Jeanine hummed in response as she sat behind her desk signing forms and reading various memos.  
Tris sat the book off to the side and let herself relax back into the chair in front of Jeanine's desk. She watched the beautiful Eruidite woman work committing the image to memory. She loved seeing Jeanine fully in her element.

It seemed as though Jeanine was born to lead. And it caused Tris' heart to swell knowing that Jeanine got so much satisfaction out of the work she did.

A few moments of silence passed as the Eruidte leader continued working. Jeanine already knew Tris would have a question for her soon. True to her prediction, less than a minute later Tris broke the silence.  
"Who would you like to be if you lived in a land of kings and queens, knights and lords?"  
Jeanine furrowed her brow and looked up at Tris from behind her glasses. That was a far cry from any of the questions she had predicted. "What?"  
Tris leaned forward realizing she now held Jeanine's full attention. "You know, like in my book," she thumped her hand against the book she had just finished. "I think I'd want to be a knight," she continued sharing her choice.  
Jeanine smirked and shook her head, "Of course you would."  
"What's wrong with being a knight," Tris asked instantly defending her choice and feigning offence.  
Jeanine rolled her eyes and allowed herself to be completely pulled into the conversation. She released the papers in her hands and removed her reading glasses from the bridge of her nose.  
Tris watched as the older woman gently clasped her hands together in front of her chest and leaned forward. Her heart fluttered in her chest- it was about to get intresting.  
Jeanine drew in a deep breath and explained her logic to Tris. "First of all, if we are talking about the real-life medieval time period you wouldn't have been a knight because you're a woman."

Tris stared at her blankly so Jeanine decided to go on. "In that time period women were not allowed to serve as knights. Also, most knights did not live past the age of thirty. And-"  
Tris cut Jeanine off waving her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, so maybe a knight isn't a good choice."  
Jeanine smiled warmly and hummed in agreement, "Probably not."  
"You still haven't told me who you would be," Tris pointed out.  
Jeanine sat in silent contemplation for a moment, "So is this reality or does this land contain magic?"  
Tris thought about it for a moment, "Well it does in the book. So let's just say it does."  
Jeanine nodded her head, "Okay, then I would be a sorceress."  
"Really? Not a queen," Tris asked slightly suprised.  
The Erudite leader nodded, "Ohh yes. As much as I like being a leader, I hate all of the burocratic red tape I have to deal with. If I was a sorceress I wouldn't have to abide by rules or customs."  
Tris hummed thoughtfully, Jeanine was always thinking ten steps ahead of everyone else. "But if you were the queen you could just say the word and it would be done," Tris reasoned aloud.  
Jeanine shook her head, "Queens were mearly pawns in that time my love. It was the king and his court who made all the decisions."  
Tris scratched her head, "I guess not much has changed huh?"  
Jeanine instantly picked up on where the conversation was going. "Well it is certainly better than what it was - that's for sure."  
"But it's still a man's world," Tris argued becoming emboldened.  
"In many ways yes, it still is," Jeanine agreed, "But it is getting better Tris."  
Tris closed her eyes and shook her head, "I don't know how you do it Jeanine. Seriously, I don't know how you can stand it. You do the same work as all the other faction leader's and you hardly get the same credit for it. You work your ass off every day in this office making Erudite a better place for everyone who lives here, or wants to go to school here, or needs medical care. Yet you hardly get any credit for the changes. You've opened new schools, worked on bringing in transfer students from other factions. Yet it is Max and his pack of army dogs or Marcus and his political agenda gets plastered all over the news instead. You get absolutely no credit and no recognition for the hard work you do and it drives me crazy!"

Jeanine sat astounded at Tris' confession. She tucked her lower lip into her mouth and bit down on it as tears started to sting at her eyes. "Tris I," Her voice was unsteady and she cleared it before trying to speak again. "I um..." She let out a deep breath, her shoulders relaxing as a sudden feeling of relief washed through her. "Thank you," She sighed locking gazes with Tris' brown eyes. "It means a lot to me that you see and notice all of those things. I um.. Well I haven't said anything because I feel like the work is more important than the recognition for it. But it is really nice to know that someone appreciates what I do, so thank you."

Tris smiled and nodded her head noticing the tears that were stinging at the blonde's blue eyes, "You're welcome."  
Jeanine cleared her throat and sat up straight glancing at the clock on the far wall. "Let's take a break shall we? I could really do with a walk and I need to pick up some papers from the University anyway."  
Jeanine stood from behind her desk and smoothed out the material of her skirt. Tris watched the entire process smiling happily to herself, there was not a single thing about Jeanine that she did not love. She stood from her chair and opened the door to the office and took a deep bow, "My lady."  
Jeanine laughed warm-heartedly as she stood in the doorway, "Why thank you my brave knight." Tris stood and Jeanine hooked her finger under Tris' chin locking gazes with the younger woman. "You should know that although it may seem like I am only a queen around here, I am truly a sorceress in disguise." Tris smiled brightly at Jeanine's understanding of the conversation. "I know, I just wish everyone else could see it too... I'm really proud of you."

Jeanine smiled brightly as her heart swelled in her chest. She stepped forward and placed a soft loving kiss on Tris' lips. "Always my knight in shining armour," She whispered breaking the kiss and letting her forehead rest agains Tris'. "Thank you for seeing me for who I am."

Tris smiled and placed a soft kiss on Jeanine's forehead. She laced their fingers together and the two women shared an understanding smile. Tris turned the light off as they stepped out of the office and into the hallway hand in hand.

Did you like it ? Should I continue ? :)


	2. Worthy

**Worthy**

"Do you consider yourself worthy of love and admiration," Tris asked stepping into the kitchen where soft Italian music was playing. Jeanine looked up from the vegetables she was sautéing over the stove. "Well it's nice to see you too honey. How was your day at work," She asked with a teasing annoyance in her tone.  
Tris released a heavy breath and dropped her car keys on the kitchen island before walking up behind Jeanine and wrapping her arms around the Erudite woman's waist. "I'm sorry," Tris apologized and placed a chaste kiss on Jeanine's cheek. "Hi honey, how was your day at work?"  
Jeanine smiled and chuckled to herself, "It was good. Now what is it that you were babbling about when you came in here?"  
Tris gave Jeanine's waist a tight squeeze before releasing her hold and leaning back against the counter next to the stove. She picked up a carrot from the cutting board behind her and started munching on it. "I couldn't stop wondering today if you consider yourself worthy of love and admiration. I wonder if that's why you don't make a big deal of not receiving credit for things you do."  
Jeanine drew in a deep breath and raised her eyebrows at the prospect of Tris' heavy question. "It's not that I think I am unworthy of love and admiration..." She furrowed her brows in thought, "I mean, I think it is terribly egotistical to believe that we just deserve to be loved and respected - it is something that has to be earned."  
Tris hummed thoughtfully, "But when do you know you have earned it? When do you know that you have done enough? When someone else says so?"  
"I suppose so," Jeanine reasoned with a shurg, "Though I like to think of it as a more personal fulfillment... I feel worthy of being loved when I do good things for us and for you. Things like making dinner or doing laundry, making things easier for you and for us. Those small everyday acts that I do out of my love for you."  
Tris' heart ached in her chest and she dipped her head capturing Jeanine's attention. "Jeanine you are worthy of being loved just because of who you are. You don't ever have to do anything other than just be yourself for me to love you."  
The Eruidite leader released a breath she hasn't realized she was holding and her shoulders slumped as her muscles relaxed.  
"You," Tris said taking Jeanine's hand from the skillet handle and intertwining their fingers together, "You are enough. Just you. I don't need anything else. I just want you all the time. You Are Enough. You are worthy of being loved simply for who you are. You don't have to do anything to earn my love and my admiration other than simply be yourself."  
Jeanine drew in a shaky breath and swallowed hard. Tris always had a way to find and vanquish her insecurites. She squeezed the younger woman's hand tightly as Tris' words resonated in her heart. "Thank you Tris," She murmured.  
Tris smiled brightly as her heart swelled with love for the woman standing in front of her. She pulled their clasped hands behind her back, releasing her hold when Jeanine's fingers brushed against her back. She reached out with her other arm and pulled the blonde against her.  
Jeanine giggled at the sudden side-hug and dropped the spatula to the counter top forgoing the vegetables for Tris' warm embrace. "You're going to make me burn the vegetables," She said unable to resist the quirp.  
Tris rolled her eyes and grinned turning the blonde in her embrace so their bodies were flush together. "Oh hush, and just kiss me."  
Jeanine let her arms rest on Tris' shoulders and leaned in kissing her lover passionately. She smiled into the kiss, greatful to have found someone who loved her and appreciated her for just being herself.

AN: So I am thinking about continuing this as simply a bunch of independent one-shots. If you have any requests please leave me a comment and let me know :) - Ashlynn


	3. Walking On Eggshells

**Rated T for language.**

 _I'm walking on eggshells_  
 _Why am I here_  
 _Why did I choose this place_  
 _I was so close_  
 _Dauntless was right there_  
 _Just under my finger tips_  
 _Why did I change my mind_  
 _Why did I move my hand_  
 _Eggshells_  
 _I'm walking on eggshells_  
 _Through walls of white_  
 _Past curtains of deep blue_  
 _Erudite_  
 _Why did I choose you_  
 _My mind was made up_  
 _But then it_  
 _She_  
 _Jeanine_  
 _Perfect pale skin_  
 _Piercing blue eyes_  
 _And that voice_  
 _God her voice_  
 _The way she held me in stasis with her eyes_  
 _She moved through me with each rise and fall of her chest_  
 _She commanded me with every breath_  
 _Why_  
 _Could I be under a spell_  
 _How could she make me so weak and so strong with only a glance_  
 _I was her willing captive for only a moment_  
 _And I want to be agian_  
 _Am I cursed_  
 _Surly this isn't some kind of psychotic break_  
 _She is unavailable to me_

 _Untouchable_

 _Unobtainable_

 _Why does that bother me so much_  
 _Am I here for the satisfaction of her attention_  
 _Yes_  
 _Hell yes_  
 _I want her to look at me like that again_  
 _I want her to see my soul again_  
 _And I want her to like what she sees_  
 _Time to play the waiting game_  
 _Erudite is now my home_  
 _My world is glass and lab coats_  
 _So I will walk on eggshells until I can see her face again_  
 _Shit_  
 _What the fuck is wrong with me_  
 _Dauntless_  
 _I was supposed to choose Dauntless_  
 _I was going to be brave_  
 _Going to be a soldier_  
 _But here I am_  
 _Begging for the attention of a woman I can never have_  
 _What the fuck is wrong with me_  
 _But those eyes_  
 _Geeze those eyes could kill_  
 _I want to die in those eyes_  
 _Drown in that silky velvet voice_  
 _Shit_  
 _What is this_  
 _What am I talking about_  
 _Why does she have such a hold on me_  
 _Such a hold on my soul_

A knock came from the door and Tris stood from her desk dropping the pen to it's surface. She smoothed out her new navy slacks and strode across the room opening the door without hesitation. Her lungs seized their motion when she met shinning crystal blue eyes.  
"Ms. Prior, I hope I haven't interrupted anything. I came by to see if you'd like to go for a walk. Perhaps I can give you a tour of the Erudite faction?"  
 _Shit, fucking shit._ Tris' heart raced wildly in her chest and her body began to tremble. Words failed to make an appearance from her mouth and she noticed the slight disappointed that flashed briefly across Jeanine's face.  
"Perhaps another time," Jeanine offered cordially and started to step away from the doorway.  
"No," Tris blurted loudly startling both women. Jeanine looked back up and locked eyes once again with Erudite's newest initiate. "Oh I see," She accepted in hushed tones. Tris watched as the dissapointment now flooded Jeanine's eyes. She drew a shaky breath, "No I don't mean no, I mean yes."  
Jeanine furrowed her eyebrows together. Being told no was once was enough for her. Why was this woman being so infuriating?  
Tris watched as confusion and hurt played across Jeanine's face _. Fuck, shit, get it together Tris. Come on._  
"Yes, I want to walk with you," Tris said in a rush.  
A grin broke across Jeanine's face and shook her head, "You could have just said so."  
Tris blushed bright red and her body flooded with warmth. She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled shyly. Pulling the door closed behind her, Tris stuffed her hands into her pockets and met Jeanine in the hallway.  
"Shall we," Jeanine asked extending her hand forward and gesturing down the hallway. Tris nodded her head, this is why she chose to transfer to Erudite.  
It wasn't about choosing between Dauntless and Erudite. She was choosing the person she could be, over the person that she should be.  
She was chosing to follow her heart rather than the path society had intended for her.  
Tris looked over at the beautiful woman next to her. In choosing herself, she also chose Jeanine. She looked back down at the floor and tried to hide her smile. _It makes sense now._

AN : This is something new and different for me... Thoughts?


	4. Welcome to Erudite

**Rated T for language.**

* * *

 **Welcome to Eruidite**

 _She's nervous. Perhaps she has heard stories of me. God only knows the things I have done for this faction. Most were honorable, but not all. Perhaps she has heard of those things and so she hides her eyes from me. Tris Prior, born and raised in Abnegation chose to transfer to Erudite… Hmm… I wonder why she decided to transfer here? Obviously she is intelligent but why not Candor, Amity or Dauntless? Why Erudite?_

Jeanine cleared her throat and drew in a deep breath as they stepped into a large room. "This is the main atrium where you can find something to eat." She watched as Tris took in the large room noticing all the different food options. "You have a pizza place," Tris asked curiously. Jeanine suppressed a small laugh and smiled at the surprise in Tris' voice. "Of course! We may practice a healthy lifestyle, but everyone has to splurge now and then," A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth and she shook her head.

 _As if I would deprive people of pizza! Ha! Couldn't do that even if I wanted to. The uprising would be catastrophic – Heaven forbid someone take away pizza!_ Jeanine laughed at herself, _I wonder what else this girl has heard about Erudite?_

"Come on, I want to show you the second a third floors where you will likely spend most of your time," Jeanine said ushering Tris out of the cafeteria and toward the glass elevator that carried them to the next story of Erudite headquarters.

"Ms. Prior may I ask you a rather personal question," Jeanine wondered aloud before realizing the words were coming out of her mouth, _Oh crap._

"Sure," Tris said quietly stepping off the elevator and onto the second floor.

 _What exactly have you heard about me? J_ eanine mentally reprimanded herself. _It doesn't matter what she has heard of me. What matters is what happens now. She is free to come to her own conclusions about me._

Tris turned to the Erudite leader expectantly, "Ms. Mathews?"

Jeanine stepped off of the elevator and started to lead Tris through the different departments. "What are you interested in practicing or studying," Jeanine asked not wanting the conversation to falter further.

Tris' looked down at the white tile floor and kicked at it with her boots. "I um... Well I'm not really sure yet."

Jeanine nodded her head in understanding. _She didn't plan on coming here; it was a sudden and unexpected choice. "_ That's alright," She reassured and swiped her key card allowing them entry into a locked hallway. "There are a lot of different options here and you can try them all if you wish to."

Jeanine looked over her shoulder to see Tris smiling at her gratefully. Her heart swelled in her chest and an unstoppable grin broke across her lips. She turned back around to face the hallway the smile still glued to her lips. _Why do I want to make her feel so comfortable with me?_

"So what happens here," Tris asked looking down the long white hallway as the door came to a close behind them.

Jeanine's smile finally gave way to a nervous feeling that settled in her stomach. _I hope she likes it here._ She paused so they could walk side by side and began explaining where they were; "This is the medical research wing. This is where we discovered the cure for cancer and HIV."

They walked past several rooms and Tris noticed most were filled with people in lab coats. _Typical Erudite_ she surmised.

"We're currently trying to find a cure for Alzheimer's though we're not having much success yet," Jeanine continued. Tris recognized the mixture of frustration and determination play across Jeanine's face. "The scientists here have discovered new treatment forms that help, but no cure yet. I have faith that we will get there one day." The Eruidite leader trailed off into thought as they came to a stop in front of a large glass wall.

Tris turned her attention from Jeanine to the extensive laboratory just beyond the glass wall. The walls inside the room were lined with equipment. Tons of machines and a team of approximately 15 people filled the room. She watched as they all worked diligently. "It's amazing," She commented watching in awe as the scientists continued their work undistracted by their new audience.

Jeanine crossed her arms over her chest and hummed thoughtfully in an attempt to hide her smirk."Yes, I suppose it is."

Tris grined at Jeanine's satisfied reflection in the glass. "I don't think I could work here though," She added thoughtfully.

Tris watched the scientists for a minute longer before bringing her attention back to the woman standing next to her. She instantly noticed the heaviness that now seemed to weigh Jeanine down. _What's wrong? Did I say something that upset you? Is it this place? You were so excited to bring me here...? Is it because I said I couldn't work here ?_

"Don't get me wrong, this place is amazing, it's just not for me," Tris said trying to clear the tension in the air between them.

"And why is that," Jeanine asked in wonder turning to her body to face Tris.

Tris shrugged her shoulders, "Well, first of all, I'm not that good at Chemistry or Biology." She scratched at the back of her head as a blush crept up her neck. "And second, I couldn't just sit there all day," She admitted quietly.

Jeanine laughed heartily at Tris' confession.

 _Holy shit that is the best laugh I have ever fucking heard._ Tris beamed a sheepish smile in response as a soft red colored her cheeks, causing Jeanine to laugh even harder.

Jeanine's laughter faded into a warm smile, "Well perhaps we can find something where you don't have to sit on your arse all day."

Tris nodded in agreement, "That would be good."

Jeanine unfolded her arms, reached out and rested one hand on Tris' shoulder. "Come on Tris, let's leave the scientists to their work." Jeanine bit her tongue, _shit._ She just called Tris by her first name, and not even her given name at that. "I'm sorry Ms. Prior I-"

Tris cut her off with the wave of her hand, "Don't, I'm not one for formalities. And besides, I prefer Tris over Beatrice anyway."

Jeanine smiled as a warm blush found it's way to her cheeks. "Tris it is then."

Tris smiled in agreement and turned to walk back down the hallway.

"Tell you what," Jeanine said as they stepped through the door at the end of the hall.

"Hmmm," Tris questioned stepping forward and pressing the button on the wall to call for the elevator.

"Since I can call you Tris, how about you call me Jeanine," The Erudite leader asked biting at the inside of her lip and looking ahead at the elevator doors expectantly. _What?_ _Why did I just suggest that? Where did that come from?_

Tris turned to Jeanine unable to hide her smile and watched the blonde woman quickly step onto the elevator.

"At least when it's just the two of us," Jeanine amended, "I have a reputation to keep up you know," She added turning around to face Tris lifting a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned around giving Tris her best cold-hearted-bitch face.

Tris couldn't contain her laughter and it soon filled the small elevator. _She is definitely not what I had expected._

 _She's so pretty like this_ ; Jeanine thought her mask quickly falling as she started to laugh at herself. She pressed the button for the elevator to carry them to the third floor.

They laughed with each other for a few seconds more smiling contentedly stopping only when the elevator dinged signaling their arrival at the third floor of Erudite. "I think you'll find this floor more interesting," Jeanine said with an encouraged tone watching the doors open to reveal Erudite's extensive Military R & D department.

Tris' eyes went wide in examination as they stepped out into a large bustling room. There were no walls with the exception of glass windows forming the exterior walls and there were people hurriedly working everywhere she looked. "Holy shit," Tris whispered under her breath as she looked around the busy room.

"You'll find the jobs here are much more... 'tactical'". Jeanine said watching Tris take in the extensive amount of technology and staff that filled the room. "Would you like to take a look around," She asked trying to hide her smirk. _Ha_ , _knew she would like this place._

Tris fumbled for words, "I um.. Uh, yeah," She scratched at the back of her head trying to hide both her embarrassment and excitement. This was the complete opposite of the calm, quiet laboratories they had just left on the second floor.

Jeanine smiled knowingly and cleared her throat turning to the left and walking around the exterior of the room beckoning Tris to follow. "Our military is basically broken into two departments," Jeanine explained, "One for research intelligence, and the other for weaponry research. Obviously, the weaponry research takes place at a more remote location."

Tris nodded her head in understanding still following Jeanine around the room and trying not to gawk at the extensive amount of equipment and personnel Jeanine had at her disposal. She paused in front of a large screen displaying a picture extremely familiar to her.

Jeanine noticed Tris' absence at her side and stopped turning to see what had caught the newest initiate's attention; _Abnegation_.

 _Home_ , Tris thought watching the people from her previous faction move about the main square. They were all relatively quiet, exchanging small pleasantries and lending a helping hand when needed.

"Do you miss it," Jeanine's voice broke through Tris' reminiscent state. Her heart clutched in her chest, _yes_. Tris swallowed hard and shoved her hands into her back pockets. "I guess, a little," She admitted quietly.

Jeanine hummed thoughtfully, "That is understandable. You spent your entire life in Abnegation and now you're out on your own. I can see how it would be difficult to adjust."

Tris kicked at the floor with her boot,

 _An interesting habit_ , Jeanine mentally noted.

"Yeah," Tris whispered barely audible.

 _I promise I will do everything in my power to make this an easy transition for you_ , Jeanine silently vowed. She wanted to step forward and embrace Tris is a hug. _That would be highly inappropriate - stop_ it, she scolded herself.

"Ms. Matthews," A booming energetic voice greeted. Tris looked up to see a man in full military uniform quickly approaching them with a bright smile plastered across his face. "Colonel, it's a pleasure to see you again," Jeanine greeted with a small smile of her own. They shook hands and exchanged greetings before Jeanine turned her attention back to Tris. "Colonel Eaton, this is Bea-, Tris, Tris Prior."

Tris grinned at Jeanine's slip, and mentally thanked her for keeping the nickname. She was starting a new life, and it felt good to have a new name as well. Almost as if she could reinvent herself. "Colonel, it's nice to meet you," Tris greeted with a smile extending her hand to shake his.

"Call me Tobias, please," The colonel requested shaking Tris' hand. Tris felt his eyes quickly sweep over her body and she quickly let her hand fall back to her side. "And I assure you the pleasure is all mine," He assured with a bright smile.

 _Okay, enough_. "Colonel I was just informing Ms. Prior her about the R &D department here at Erudite. If you don't mind, I would like to continue as we are on a set schedule," Jeanine requested suddenly very eager to move on. _We're on a schedule_ , Tris wondered her eyebrows furrowed.

"Of course Ms. Matthews," Tobias said clasping his hands together and taking a step to the side allowing for the two women to pass.

"Come along Ms. Prior, we don't need to be late," Jeanine said giving Tris a meaningful glance.

 _Huh_... _She's getting us away from him_. Tris wondered in surprise. She nodded her head in agreement. She gave one last glance to the video footage of Abnegation and took a deep breath before following Jeanine through the rest of the R &D department.

* * *

Hope you are enjoying these little drabbles!

To those of you who are reading Like You Do - I will finish it, I promise! But it is going to be a painful and grueling process for both myself as the writer and the characters. The story is going in a different direction than I had originally intended, but I promised you a happy ending so don't give up! ;) Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, I love that you are interested in the story. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Big hugs,

-Ashlynn


	5. Dreaming of You

_For Luz_

 **Rated T for Language/Mild Sexual Content**

* * *

 **Dreaming of You**

 _She came to me last night_

 _She came to me when I was fast asleep_

 _When my walls came down_

 _And my mind entered the land of dreams_

 _She came to me in my sleep_

 _Dark eyes with a warm touch_

 _She took my hand and lead me along a jagged path_

 _My life spilled out before our eyes_

 _All of my secrets and all of my fears_

 _My soul bared naked for her to see_

 _She came to me in my sleep_

 _I tried to stop_

 _Tried to protect myself_

 _I built up walls and protective barriers_

 _But with a soft kiss from her lips_

 _My fortresses came crashing down_

 _When the road became too dangerous to walk side by side_

 _She picked me up in her arms_

 _She carried me_

 _Through the story of my life_

 _Through the pain and the tears of my childhood_

 _Through the reckless abandon of my youth_

 _And to the cold calculated world I now exist within_

 _She came to me in my sleep_

 _She carried me through my past_

 _And beyond my present fears_

 _She healed part of me with every step she took_

 _She took me to a place I have never been before_

 _She carried me into the land of my dreams_

 _She carried me to where my heart's desires resided_

 _Where my hopes, dreams, and aspirations live on_

 _She came to me in my sleep_

 _She accepted my story as though it was her own_

 _She healed me without a word_

 _In her dark eyes I saw my home_

 _In her arms I felt safe from the cold_

 _She carried me through my fears and to my dreams_

 _She came to me in my sleep_

 _She saw me_

 _Accepted me_

 _She loved me in my dream_

 _Who is she to come to me in my sleep_

 _Who is she to invade my dreams and memories_

 _Who is she_

 _Who is this girl who sees me for everything I was and wish to be_

 _The girl who came to me in my sleep_

Jeanine swallowed hard as she looked over the words she had just finished writing down. Her forehead still had a sheen of sweat and her hands still trembled from her dream. It had been so long since she had thought about love. She had been hurt so much before that she just shut off. But this girl, this dream, made her remember what it felt like.

Her heart hammered away in her chest and broken visions of her dream replayed in her mind.

She dropped her pen to the surface of her notebook and let her face fall into her hands. She wiped her hands up over her face pushing stray hairs back before clasping her hands together at the back of her neck.

 _Why is this girl inside my head?_ The question rolled around in her head until her concentration was broken by the sound of her alarm clock ringing.

She released her hold on the back of her neck and stood from her desk turning off the alarm clock. The rest of her morning was like that of any other. She prepared herself for the day ahead though the dream still lingered in her mind.

"Ms. Matthews?"

Jeanine snapped out of her daydream and looked up at her assistant. "What?"

"I asked if you would need the car to take you to the gala tonight."

"Oh," Jeanine cleared her throat. _The gala, right._ "Yes, of course," she said and looked down at the papers in her hands.

"Wait… On second thought, no." Jeanine said suddenly changing mind. Casey arched an eyebrow in question. It was bizarre for her boss to be indecisive about anything.

Jeanine noticed the puzzled look her assistant held. "I won't be needing the car tonight Casey, thank you."

Casey nodded her head in silent understanding.

"Is there anything else I can do for you Mrs. Matthews," she asked still baffled by her boss's sudden change of mind.

"No that will be all, thank you." Jeanine dismissed her assistant and her mind started reeling with thoughts of the gala.

Jeanine plucked the phone from the receiver and Casey's phone starting to ring before she even got back her desk.

"Yes Ms. Matthews?"

"Turns out there was one more thing. Can you put me in touch with a new initiate? The name is Tris Prior."

"Tris Prior," Casey repeated quickly scribbling the name down on a scratch piece of paper. "I'll get you in contact as soon as possible."

"Thank you Casey," Jeanine said and placed the phone back in it's cradle.

A few minutes later Casey's voice came over the intercom, "Ms. Matthews, I have Tris Prior on line one."

Butterflies fluttered in Jeanine's stomach and a smile made it's way across her face. "Thank you," she ended the intercom call and picked up the phone taking a deep breath. Her mouth went dry and her hands started to shake. She giggled to herself, it had been a long time since she had felt so giddy. She shook her head and quickly tapped on the button labeled line one. She cleared her throat, "Ms. Prior?"

"Yes," Tris answered.

"This is Ms. Matthews - I mean.. _Awe come on get it together._ Hi, it's Jeanine." The Erudite leader turned bright red and she was thankful Tris could not see her.

Tris giggled on the other end of the line and Jeanine could practically hear her smile through the phone. "Hi Jeanine, how are you today?"

Jeanine swallowed hard in an attempt to regain her composure. "I'm well, _completely frazzled to be honest… What am I doing?_ How are you?"

"Pretty good, I got up early this morning and went for a run in the courtyard. I didn't realize how big it is," Tris said enthusiastically.

Jeanine smiled, "Yes, it is quite expansive. But it takes a lot of power to keep this place running."

"I wondered about that when I saw all of the solar panels," Tris added.

"Yeah, the entire Erudite headquarters is powered from those solar panels," Jeanine said pride lacing her voice.

"That's awesome," Tris said thinking of the miles and miles of solar panels she ran by.

"So what's on your mind," Tris asked after a moment of silence passed between them.

Jeanine swallowed hard and balled her shaking hand into a fist. Her heart pounded in her chest. "I um… Well you see there is a gala happening tonight and I thought you might like to attend." She closed her eyes and crossed her fingers. _Please say yes, please say yes._

"Oh wow, okay. Well that sounds like fun, but I don't have anything to wear." Tris said a little embarrassed.

 _Why didn't I think of that before?_ "Right, well, _hmmm…._ Are you busy this afternoon?"

"No," Tris replied.

"Great, then I'll see you this afternoon around two and we'll find you something to wear," Jeanine said growing increasingly excited.

"That's really not necessary Jeanine."

"Oh I insist! It will be fun!... Unless, I mean if you don't want to-" Jeanine trailed her heart sinking with each passing second.

"No! I want to," Tris interjected. "I just know that you're really busy and I don't want to be a hassle."

"It's no hassle dear. I'll see you at two," Jeanine said her smile having fully returned.

"Okay, see you then," Tris agreed before ending the call. She leaned back in her chair and chuckled to herself. _I'm going shopping with Jeanine Matthews._

"What about this one," Jeanine said holding out a long off-the-shoulder black dress for Tris to see.

"It's nice," Tris said turning her head to the side to the side and trying to envision herself in the floor length formal.

Jeanine looked up to see Tris' hesitant expression. "Nope, not that one," She said quickly hanging the dress back on the rack.

"What are you wearing," Tris asked walking to a nearby rack of business suits.

"Mmmm I haven't really decided yet. I have a grey dress from the fall banquet I thought about wearing. But I'm not really feeling like gray today."

Tris' fingers skimmed across a silky smooth black suit and she instantly pulled it from the rack. _Wow._ She ran her hands over the suit jacket and to the skinny pants underneath. "This one," she said loving the suit more and more with every second she held it in her hands.

"Hmmm," Jeanine asked turning from the rack of gowns she had been going through. _Oh_! She looked at the suit Tris was holding up for inspection. _A suit?_ Her eyes wandered over the material and up to the smiling girl holding it. "It's beautiful," she took a few steps forward and held the smooth material in her hands.

Tris grinned from ear to ear. _I'm glad you like it._

"Uh Jeanine," Tris started as they merged onto the highway.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I don't have any shoes to wear tonight," Tris said scratching her head.

 _Hmmm_ "What size shoe do you wear?"

"Usually a nine."

"I may have something you can wear," Jeanine said thoughtfully. "Do you mind if we go back to my house?"

 _Uhhhhhh, well, no not really._

"I mean, I can take you back to headquarters no problem. But the shoes are at my house and it might be easier to get ready there." Jeanine chewed on her lower lip. _Oh I hope I didn't just over step._ She tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

"I don't mind at all, that would be great," Tris said a relaxed smile appearing on her lips. "And thanks for letting me borrow your shoes."

Jeanine released her breath and relaxed back into her seat with a warm smile. "Don't thank me yet, we don't know if they'll fit!"

"Well regardless, thanks for being so nice to me. I was really nervous about transferring to Erudite and whether or not I would fit in. But you've been very welcoming and made it easy, so, thank you."

Jeanine blushed, "You're welcome Tris. I'm happy you're here." _I don't know what it is about you, but when it comes to you, my heart over rules my mind every time._ She shook her head, _its b_ _izarre_.

"Well since you're wearing red heels with your back suit I feel like I should wear one of those colors as well." Jeanine said sifting through the large array of gowns she kept in the back of her closet.

"You don't have to do that," Tris said sitting on the edge of Jeanine's bed and watching the Erudite leader go through her closet.

"How about this one," Jeanine asked ignoring Tris' comment in favor of finding the right dress.

Tris looked up and down at the floor length halter top dress Jeanine was holding up. "It's nice."

"You've said that about the last three dresses,"Jeanine playfully growled.

Tris shrugged her shoulders, "I thought they were all nice."

Jeanine rolled her eyes and hung the dress back in her closet. Her fingers skirted over dresses until landing on candy apple red material She plucked the deep v-neck dress from the rack and held it up for inspection. _This is the one._

Tris looked up to see Jeanine standing at the entryway of the closet holding a form fitting v-neck red dress. _Holy shit._

Jeanine smiled proudly as Tris drank on the view. _Knew it._

"I uh-" Tris cleared her throat. "I mean, that's - that's my favorite one." Heat suddenly flooded her cheeks and she chewed on her lower lip.

"I thought so," Jeanine smiled knowingly and held the dress out for further inspection. "Well, do you want to go ahead and change?"

Tris looked up from the ivory and purple duvet on Jeanine's bed, "Uh, yeah sure." "Okay, well how about you take the bathroom and I'll change in here," Jeanine said turning her back stepping back into the closet.

Tris picked up the bag with her suit and carried it into the bathroom. She flipped on the light switch and closed the door. _Holy fucking shit. What am I doing? What just happened? Oh my God. I'm in her bathroom. I'm in Jeanine fucking Matthews' bathroom._

 _Bahhhhh!_ Tris released a heavy breath and started giggling herself. _Oh my gosh I've lost it. This is crazy._ She looked around the immaculate bathroom and shook her head. _This really is crazy. How did I end up here?_

She started taking off her clothes to change. _I mean, I'm not complaining, but.. Come on. One day I transfer to Erudite and the next thing I know, I'm in Jeanine's bathroom changing clothes… Crazy._

She pulled on the tight fitting pants and pulled the jacket off of the hanger. _I wonder if she does this for all her initiates- ha! As if! People would think she was an angel if she did, and they certainly don't think that of her._

Tris pulled on the suit coat and suddenly realized it didn't fasten high enough to cover her bra. She pulled it together and tried to figure out if she could pin it together. She looked down at her white t-shirt laying on the floor and frowned. _That's not going to work_ she sighed. _I wonder…_

She stepped out of the bathroom and around the corner to the closet door. She swallowed hard and brushed her hands along the silky smooth material of the suit coat. "Jeanine?"

"Be right out," Jeanine said struggling to finish zipping the back of her dress. Eventually she gave up with a huff of frustration and opened the closet door. _Wow._

 _Oh my God._ Tris' mouth went dry at the sight of Jeanine in the form fitting red dress. Her eyes wandered from the loose material hanging around her ankles up to the shapely curves of her hips and her seemly waistline. Tris' heart began to pound in her chest when her eyes met the expanse of milky white skin that was the cleavage of Jeanine's breasts. _Holy fucking shit._ She swallowed hard and a wave of heat flooded her body causing her to shiver and the hair on her arms to stand on end. She bit down on her lower lip as she felt a delicious tension build at the apex of her thighs.

Jeanine smiled brightly when Tris' eyes finally met hers. "Like what you see?"

Tris was stunned speechless. _I uh, oh fuck. Did she just? Oh geeze. Um, thoughts, okay, she asked me a question… Oh right._

"Hell yes!" _Oh my gosh I can't believe I just said that! Oh God_. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ Tris' cheeks burned bright red with embarrassment and arousal. _I'm just gonna go die now._ She turned to walk back in the bathroom but Jeanine caught her arm before she could step away.

The Erudite leader smiled brightly and did her best to internalize her laughter. "I'm sorry Tris. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Tris looked up and met Jeanine's shining blue eyes. She took a deep breath and felt herself relax. _It's okay… I mean, it was true anyway -you look great._

"Do you like the suit," Jeanine asked as she looked Tris up and down her eyes pausing when she noticed the black bra Tris was wearing. Tris cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest causing Jeanine's hand to fall.

"You want to borrow a shirt," Jeanine thought aloud realizing why Tris had initially knocked on the closet door.

"Yes… Please," Tris and slowly unfolded her arms.

 _Abnegation hasn't left you yet has it darling?_ Jeanine smiled warmly and extended her hand out for Tris to take.

Tris accepted Jeanine's outstretched hand and let herself be pulled into the closet. Together they looked through the vast amount of Jeanine's business attire until deciding on a red ruffled button up blouse.

"Thank you," Tris said holding the red blouse on a hanger and turning to leave the closet.

"Wait," Jeanine said quickly taking a step toward Tris. "Would you mind helping me zip up?"

Tris met Jeanine's suddenly shy smile with one of her own. "Of course."

Tris took a shaky breath and stepped forward. Her eyes traced every freckle and curvature of Jeanine's skin. _I want to kiss you. I want to pepper your skin with my lips. I want to feel you._ Her sex clenched and she swallowed hard. _On me, in me._ She drew in a deep breath. _All over me._

She held the material together with one hand and held her breath as she slowly pulled on the zipper. Her fingers met light golden blonde hair and she carefully brushed it to the side pulling the zipper to its end at the nape of Jeanine's neck. She released the zipper and rested her hand between Jeanine's strong shoulder blades. Her heart pounded in her chest as arousal swept through her body.

 _I want to unzip your dress… I want to pull it from your shoulders and let if fall to the floor in a heap. I want to stand behind you and run my hands across your lower back and to your hips as I place soft kisses to the tops of your shoulders._

Jeanine turned around and met Tris' darkened gaze with one of her own. _I know you, you're the girl from my dreams. Could it be possible that you dream of me too?_

* * *

AN: Hey there! Thanks for reading this little story. I couldn't pass up the irony of Tris, Jeanine and a closet. ;-) Would you like to see what happens next/at the gala? Hope you are well! - Ashlynn :)


	6. The Dance

**Rated T for Language**

"Care for a dance," a deep voice asked. Tris looked up from her seat where she had been watching Jeanine visit with other faction leaders,"Colonel Eaton."

"Please call me Tobias," the colonel protested with a small smile.

Tris noticed the creases that appeared around the edge of his eyes and the dullness that seemed to linger in his eyes. _You've seen too much for someone your age Tobias._ She offered him a small smile and brushed imaginary lint from her pant leg.

"So, care for a dance," He asked again extending his hand for her to take.

Tris stared at his outstretched hand for a moment. She glanced over to Jeanine who was immersed in a conversation with Dauntless' faction leader, Max. Jeanine's face lit up at something Max had said and jealously instantly knotted Tris' stomach. She knocked back the rest of her jack and coke and took Tobias up on his offer.

They danced to the pulsing music and Tris was surprised to find Tobias was an impressive dancer. Two songs passed before she made her way through the crowd to the bar. She looked around the room for Jeanine.

This time she spotted her on the catwalk overlooking the entire atrium. Again, she was with Max. Tris swallowed hard and clenched her jaw as a mixture of jealousy and anger flooded through her veins.

"What can I get you miss," the bartender asked over the music.

Tris looked back to the bartender, "Do you know how to make liquid cocaine?"

The bartender raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Sure, Jager, Rumple Minze and Bacardi 151."

Tris nodded her head, "Good, two of 'em."

The bartender nodded his head, "Be right up."

Tris turned around and leaned back against the bar. She stared up at the catwalk and wished she could burn a hole under Max's feet.

"Two liquid cocaines," the bartender said setting the shots on the bar top. Tris thanked him and gave him a crumpled 20 before grabbing the shots and making her way back onto the dancefloor.

"What is this," Tobias asked lifting the glass to his nose. "God, it smells awful," he pulled the shot away from his nose quickly.

"Don't be a baby," Tris shouted over the music. "It's liquid cocaine drink up!" She lifted her glass to him before knocking it back in one gulp. The jager hit her hard but she loved the smooth burn of the bacardi as she swallowed.

Tobias reluctantly followed in suit. "Gah that's terrible," he yelled his face twisting in disgust. Tris laughed, _man up pretty boy._ They continued dancing and Tris felt her buzz start to set in. Before long she lost count of the number of songs they had danced to and the number of shots they had drank. Tobias tried to pull her close but Tris always played hard to get. _Your nice pretty boy but I'm not that desperate… Even if Jeanine is ignoring me._

Eventually Tris felt the alcohol start to take effect and she excused herself to the restroom leaving Tobias to dance on his own.

She sat down in the bathroom stall and propped her elbows on her knees, resting her head in her hands. _What am I doing?_

"Tris?"

 _You have got to be kidding me._

"Tris are you in here," Jeanine asked her heels clicking against the tile floor as she walked along the line of stalls.

Tris sighed and ran her hands back through her hair, "I'm here." She watched as Jeanine's heels came to a stop just on the other side of her stall door.

"Are you okay," Jeanine asked and the concern in her voice stung at Tris' heart.

 _Stop it. Stop acting like you care about me when you don't._ "I'm fine," she said sharply.

Jeanine recoiled at the venom in Tris' words. _What happened?_ "If something happened I hope you know that you can trust me and tell me."

Tris ran her tongue over the front of her teeth in disgust. Anger mixed the the alcohol in her veins and she stood from the commode yanking up her pants and throwing open the stall door. "Trust you? Really?"

Jeanine stumbled back against the sink in alarm. _What the hell?_

"You were all nice to me, took me shopping, showed me special attention and then tonight you hardly acknowledge me," Tris fumed her blood starting to boil.

"I-"

"No!" Tris interrupted taking another step closer to the blonde woman. "You don't get to make excuses. You lead me on! You brought me here and then spent the entire evening talking to that dumb bloke from Dauntless."

"I-" Jeanine tried to explain but Tris cut her off again.

"No, no excuses. I don't like playing games Jeanine so let's just have it out. Do you like Max? Are you seeing him?"

Jeanine's eyes flew wide open at Tris' explosion and a smile slowly formed on her lips as her shock faded. _There's the fire._

"The fuck are you smiling about," Tris slurred her expression still hard.

Jeanine schooled her expression and tried not to laugh. She cleared her throat crossed her arms over her chest leaning back against the counter top. She raised her brow defiantly and a smirk crosses her lips, "Say I am interested in Max. What do you care?"

Tris' hands balled into fists. _Then I'm gonna beat the shit outta him._ She ran her tongue over the front of her teeth in an attempt to hide her snarl. She crossed her arms over her chest mimicking Jeanine's posture. "You shouldn't be."

Jeanine chewed on the inside of her cheek in an attempt to hide her smile. "And why is that," she asked pushing Tris further.

"Because," Tris fumbled for words through her buzzed mind. She sighed and unfolded her arms shoving her hands into her pockets. She looked down at the tile floor.

 _Come on Tris, I just need to hear you say it._

"Because I…" Tris swallowed hard. _Awe fuck it, just say it._ "I like you."

The smile that burst across Jeanine's face was blinding. "I like you too," Jeanine whispered.

Tris' gaze jerked up from the floor to Jeanine's eyes. _What?_

Jeanine chuckled at the apparent shock on Tris' face. "I'm not exactly sure why," she shrugged. She glanced around the small room. "But there is something about you… There is a fire in you. I imagine that growing up in Abnegation you had to restrain yourself a lot…" Jeanine locked gazes with Tris. "I want to stoke the flames. I want to set you on fire. There is a lion hiding in you Tris, and I want to help you let it out. I want to see what you can do when you are free from limitations."

Tris blushed bright red as she processed everything Jeanine was saying.

"That's why I was talking to Max," Jeanine continued. "I am trying to set up an internship for you. I think you should spend some time getting to know the Dauntless way of life."

Tris' face fell, _You don't want me at Erudite?_

"That does not mean that you won't be any less Erudite," Jeanine quickly added.

Relief instantly flooded Tris' mind and a smile returned to her face.

"I think Dauntless will help you. Erudite can be stringent at times. We tend to get caught up in methods and routine. Dauntless will encourage you to think outside the box. They will push you to approach things differently than we do here at Erudite."

"So I would move to Dauntless," Tris questioned her smile falling again.

Jeanine furrowed her eyebrows, "Not necessarily. You could still live here… If you're interested?"

Tris closed her eyes. Her mind was starting to spin with information, emotions and the alcohol still in her system.

Jeanine's hopeful expression faded into a warm smile. "You don't have to decide right now, it's just an option… So now you know, that's why I was talking to Max."

Tris opened her eyes and looked at Jeanine again. Her heart swelled in her chest with love and appreciation.

Guilt suddenly wrenched her stomach for exploding on Jeanine. "I'm sorry-" she started, but Jeanine cut her off.

"Don't," Jeanine smiled and reached out threading their fingers together. She pushed off the counter top and leaned in pressing a soft kiss to Tris' cheek.

Heat flooded Tris' veins from her cheeks to her toes. Her heart raced in her chest and she squeezed Jeanine's hand tightly.

"Let's go home," Jeanine whispered and lead Tris from the bathroom their fingers still intertwined.


	7. A Note For Jeanine

This is a stand-alone one shot and does not follow the timeline after "The Dance."

If you wish for me to continue that little drabble please let me know and I will be happy to.

XO- Ashlynn :)

* * *

Tris quickly sat up when Jeanine's voice filtered in through the glass wall separating the office and hallway. She watched as the Erudite leader stood on the other side of the door speaking with an older man. The conversation continued for a while as they looked through a folder Jeanine held out for them both to see.

Tris let her eyes trace over every inch of Jeanine and a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Her thoughts started to wander and she suddenly had the idea to write them all down. She pulled a notebook and pen from her backpack and started scribbling down her thoughts as she looked back and forth between Jeanine and the quickly filling page.

 _Sometimes I like to just stand back and watch._

 _I see you surrounded by a flurry of assistants all clamoring for your attention. They offer you bits of information and hammer you with a relentless line of questions. To anyone else it would be overwhelming. But to you, to you it is exciting. You love the thrill of pushing yourself to work harder, faster, to do more all at once. You always work so hard to be the best you can be for everyone else._

 _When your day is already busy and the stress begins to weigh down on you, that's when I see you shine the brightest. Ten, twenty things, somehow you manage to think of it all at once and come up with appropriate answers right on the spot._

 _So sometimes I just like to stand back and watch you work. My mind tends to flash back and forth between the moments when you have total control and when you finally let it all go._

 _The moment when you come home from a long day and collapse into me - that's my favorite time of day. Or when your head falls back, your eyes fall closed, and your back snaps tight in the throes of passion. I love so much that I get to see and experience all aspects of you._

 _I especially love those moments when we silently collide into a moment of suspended bliss. When you're speaking to someone and our eyes meet across the room. I watch as words suddenly seem to fail you. I often wonder what you're thinking in those couple of seconds before your mind seems to realize that you've stopped speaking and quickly catches back up._

 _Sometimes I wonder if you feel it too… That sudden surge in your chest? That explosion that seems to happen, and for that one moment, you're blindingly happy? That's the way I feel when you look at me._

 _I wish I could reach out and touch you in those moments, but I know I can't. It isn't the time, or the place, but I always want to all the same. You're so beautiful Jeanine. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes._

 _I know you worry, and I know some nights you don't sleep. But darling everything is going to be alright. This faction, these people, they're going to be okay. I know you, I know you'd do anything to protect them, and I would do anything to to protect you._

 _I've realized that's the deal you know. You take care of them, and I take care of you. I know you'd argue with me over it, but I really do have the better end of that deal._

 _I can still vividly remember trying to come up with excuses to see you after the choosing ceremony. I didn't have an actual reason behind my excuses other than to spend time with you. And looking back now, I'm sure you saw right through them. But I was so enamored by you even then, I just couldn't help myself. And you never turned me away, so I suppose the feeling was at least somewhat mutual._

 _I apologize for the rabbit trials this letter is taking you on. You know my mind is far less organized than yours!_

 _But what I am really writing to say is - thank you._

 _Thank you for accepting my excuses for time to spend with you. Thank you for allowing me into your life even though it wasn't the easiest thing to do._

 _I know you shielded me from much of the public backlash, and I thank you for that. But you should know that no matter what they said it would not have changed the way I felt about you._

 _Thank you for letting me fall madly in love with you. I know, you didn't have a big choice in the matter, but thank you anyway. You opened your heart, your mind, and your life to me. You integrated me into your decision making process. You shared your secrets and your dreams with me, and I am honored to be the person you choose to share your life with._

 _I don't know when you'll read this, but when you do I hope it makes you smile. I hope you are reminded of how much you are loved and appreciated. I am so happy to know and love your beautiful mind, your beautiful heart, and your beautiful soul._

 _You are the love of my life Jeanine Matthews and I am excited for our future together._

 _So thank you for yesterday, today and all of the tomorrows yet to come._

 _All my love,_

 _Tris_

Tris looked up and noticed the two professionals shaking hands. She quickly tore the page from her notebook, folded it, and slipped it into Jeanine's coat pocket.

"Are you ready for lunch," the Erudite leader asked walking into her office still looking through the folder full of papers she had in her hands.

"Whenever you are," Tris said dropping her notebook back into her bag.

"Just one more thing," Jeanine replied stepping behind her desk and dropping the file folder with a huff. "So what would you like for lunch," she asked quickly typing an email.

Tris picked up her backpack and slung it over her shoulder, "Actually, I brought lunch for us today."

Jeanine's crystal eyes flicked up to meet Tris' chocolate orbs in pleasant surprise. "Oh really?"

Tris nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders, "Yeah, thought we could have a picnic."

Jeanine finished the email and took a deep breath closing her eyes and letting some of the stress drain from her shoulders. Slowly, she stood and walked around her desk to where Tris was patiently waiting. "That sounds perfect darling," she leaned in and placed a soft kiss to Tris' cheek. She laced their fingers together and gave Tris' hand a tight squeeze. "Thank you," she whispered placing another kiss to Tris' forehead. "You always seem to know exactly what I need, even when I don't."

Tris smiled brightly and was just about to respond when her stomach growled loudly causing both women to laugh. Jeanine squeezed Tris' hand and turned for the door, "Come on, it sounds like you're starving!"


	8. People Like Me

"Believe me, no one hates this more than I do. But we are out of options." I tipped back the rest of the bourbon I was nursing. My eyes fell closed as I swallowed hard focusing in on the warm burning sensation left in my throat.

"I'm sorry," she said. Her voice was heavy, barely above a whisper.

I lifted my eyes and follwed her gaze down to the woodgrain of our dining room table. I stared at it for a moment before my eyes wandered back up her arms and to her face. Her expression was sad, tormented even. My heart lurched beneath my breast at the sight. I stared at her chapped lips and watched as they turned down into a hard line. Her dark eyebrows knit together over burning brown eyes. Crevasses formed in her olive skin causing small folds to appear. My tongue went dry, and I swallowed hard when I felt anxiety knotting itself into a tight ball inside my stomach.

Her eyes grew darker and darker before stopping their aimless wandering. "I'm sorry about all of this," she apologized again.

I slid my empty glass to the side, the echo of glass against wood ringing in my ears. I leaned forward and reached out so I was holding her hand in mine. She didn't look up but I wound my fingers over her hand so they were pressed into her cool palm. My thumb brushed over the scars covering her knuckles and my stomach clenched when I remembered how she got them.

My heart swelled when she squeezed my hand in return. But it still ached with pain for the torment she had endured. I knew what she had been through. Or at least I knew what she had told me during the nights she couldn't sleep. I could only imagine how difficult it would be for her to be reminded of it again.

I squeezed her hand tightly and looked to her with pleading eyes. "Do not apologize for this Tris. It's not your fault."

She slowly shook her head and anger flared in my chest. We sat in silence for a while, and I continued to hold her hand. The air in my lungs stung and the blood in my veins felt charged with frustration. I couldn't understand why she thought everything that was happening was her fault.

Suddenly she sat up ram-rod straight. I jumped in my chair and looked at her curiously. Her eyes were wide and her hand gripped mine tightly. My heart hammered in my chest and I squeezed her hand back. "I have to go," she whispered into the charged air we shared.

My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. I leaned in further sitting on the very edge of my chair. "Go where?"

"I have to fight."

My eyes flew wide open with suprise and then the rage took over and I snapped. "No you don't!"

She turned to me then. Suprise covered her face, but her eyes were hard and shimmering with unshed tears. I could tell she already had her mind made up.

"Yes- yes I do. They- they'll die without me." She stammered out and bit down on her lower lip as tears started to spill from her eyes.

My heart roared in my chest. "No you don't," I growled tightly gripping both her hands with mine. "You don't have to do anything Tris." I drew in a shaky breath and blinked away the tears threatening to blur my vision. "Let me fight this war for you - please!"

"But - but I'm," she stuttered out breaking our gaze then shielding her face against her shoulder.

"Tris," I swallowed hard and reached out with one hand cupping her chin and turning her tear-stained face back toward me. "This war isn't about you."

"But it's about people like me… Divergents I mean." Tears streamed freely from her eyes and I brushed my thumb over her cheek.

"Let me fight this war for you, please."

She looked at me with nothing but surprise then. I knew what she was thinking - that she could be a martyr for the cause, but I was not going to let that happen.

* * *

Perhaps this happened before chapter one of Like You Do?

I don't know... It just came to me so I wrote it down.

Thank you for all of your wonderful comments, they encourage me to keep going. You're the best!

XO- Ashlynn


	9. Outside In

Independent one-shot. Mention of abuse.

* * *

 _Darling please, please let me in._

 _I see you, I know you're hurting._

 _You can lock the world away,_

 _But don't lock me out too._

 _Let me hold you, please let me in._

 _I know you're scared._

 _You don't have to be brave._

 _You don't have to be anything._

 _You can fall apart in my arms._

 _Darling please let me in._

 _I know there is a small girl hiding behind your hardened eyes._

 _I see her in your smile._

 _I hear her in your laughter._

 _I know she was hurt all too much at too young an age._

 _But I am here now_

 _And I'll never let them hurt you again._

 _Darling please,_

 _Please let me in._

 _Let me hold you while you cry._

 _Let me be your fortress through the night._

 _You don't need me, and that's okay._

 _But I'm still going to be here for you._

 _You are the one I would lay down my own life for._

 _So take my body, my mind, my soul._

 _Take what you want._

 _Take what you need from me._

 _I'm all yours._

 _Just please, please Jeanine let me in._

 _Let me in, don't push me away._

Tris sat in silence for a while. Eventually her impatience got the best of her. She tossed the notebook to the side and stomped across the bedroom until she stood toe-to-toe with the bathroom door.

"Jeanine open the door," she commanded. Her voice harsh and impatient, surprising both women.

Tris' voice echoed loudly through the bathroom. Jeanine slowly leaned backward letting her head rest against the door. She pulled her arms up around her midsection protectively.

"Goddammit Jeanine!" Tris smacked the door with the door with the palm of her hand. "You can't keep hiding away."

Jeanine's body shuddered at the slap and ferocity in Tris' voice. Clouded visions filled her minds' eye and she began to weep.

Just a little girl. She tried so hard to be everything her parents wanted. But it was never enough. She was never smart enough, never pretty enough… Her mind flashed forward in time. "Too much power," her mother had said. "It's gone to your head and made you a fool," she had said.

Jeanine's body trembled as her mother's words echoed in her mind.

She was never enough, and then, she was too much.

Tears covered her cheeks in a constant overwhelming stream. She choked back mangled cries and loud sobbing. She chastised herself for acting like such a child.

"You can hide from the world. You can hide from your friends. But you can't hide from me Jeanine," Tris said from the other side of the door.

Jeanine bit down hard on her lower lip and closed her eyes tightly. Her hands curled into tight fists as her heart bled in her chest.

Tris' body shook with frustration. She took a deep breath in an attempt to get her emotioms under control. She held the doorframe with her hands and leaned forward resting her forehead against the cool wood.

"I don't understand why you won't let me in - why you won't let me help you," she said thoughtfully.

Help - Jeanine spun on her heels at the word. Furry engulfed her vision and her fists met the door with surprising force. "I don't need help," she screamed.

Tris stumbled away from the door in shock.

Jeanine's eyes flew open wide. She glared down at her fists as though they were completely foreign to her. She unfurled her fists and stared down at her open palms. _No, no, no, no, I will not become my parents._ She stumbled backward putting her hands behind her back, pinning them against the wall.

Tris stared at the door for a while before walking back over to face it. A moment of silence passed before she was able to gather the courage to speak again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against the white paint. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." Once again, she pressed her cheek to the cool wood and swallowed hard. "I know you are fully capable of handling things on your own. I just don't understand why you feel the need to… I want to help you. I'm here to help you Jeanine… I - I love you."

Jeanine wrapped her arms tightly around her midsection and swallowed a violent sob. Her head swam with emotions and thoughts all creating a massive amount of unintelligible noise.

Tris traced her fingers over the crevasses in the door. Sh sighed and pushed off of the door so she stood facing it.

Her lungs expanded with a deep breath and her heart beat slowed as truth spilled from her lips. "I know you Jeanine… and I know that scares you. I know it scares you to trust someone else. And I understand that it is scary to let someone into your heart. And yeah, I'm human and I'm all kinds of fucked up. But I'm here. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere because I love you Jeanine."

Tris swallowed hard and pushed on, "I would do anything for you. So I'm just gonna stand here. I'm gonna stand right here outside this door until you let me in. Because I'm not going away. No matter how much you try to push me away. You don't have to protect yourself from me. I know you Jeanine, and I promise you don't have to go through life alone anymore because I'm always going to be right here. Right here standing outside your door… Until you let me in."

Jeanine curled into herself and slid to the floor in a pool of tears. Tris' words pummeled through her emotional barricades and settled in the depths of her heart.

Love was not possible for her. No one could love her. She wasn't enough or she was altogether too much. Yet Tris stood outside her door, claiming to know her and begging to be let in. The bathroom fell into total silence as her mind continued to wage war against her heart.

 _Perhaps, in this circumstance, it is best to let logic go._

Jeanine wiped the tears from her cheeks her eyes already swollen and sore. She sat in silent contemplation for a while trying make sense of everything she was feeling and thinking.

Eventually she came to a conclusion, pulled her feet underneath her body and slowly stood on sleepy legs. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest and she drew in a deep breath. For the first time in her life, she was about to take a leap of faith. She swallowed hard. And with a shaking hand, she reached out, flipped the latch, unlocking the door and twisted the knob so the door opened.

Tris' heart raced faster in her chest as the door opened to reveal Jeanine. Her eyes instantly locked on to Jeanine's terrified expression her stomach flipped in her abdomen.

"Did-" Jeanine's voice came out as a strangled noise. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Did you mean what you said," she asked eyes locked on younger woman.

Tris' heart broke wide open and every single emotion she felt for Jeanine flooded her chest, "Yes."

Jeanine took a step forward standing in the doorway. She swallowed and looked down at her shoes. "You love me," she questioned quietly.

"Yes," Tris instantly replied unable to keep the smile from her face.

Jeanine considered this for a moment before taking another step forward, joining Tris in the bedroom. She stared down at the carpet in concentration. She wanted to ask why. But some part of her said to wait, to just enjoy this small moment while it was happening.

Tris watched in nervous anticipation as Jeanine worked through her thoughts. Then she saw it, the subtle tugging at the corner of pink lips. Tris beamed as she watched the smile spread across Jeanine's face. She had no idea what the woman was thinking, but she knew she would do anything to keep that smile on her face.

Jeanine drew in another deep breath and stood up straight meeting Tris' bright smile "Thank you."

Jeanine's voice was warm, reverent even, and it filled Tris' veins with pure joy. She shifted on the balls of her feet a couple times before launching herself forward engulfing Jeanine in a hug.

Jeanine inhaled sharply with surprise, but quickly returned the embrace. A war continued to wage inside her mind. How could she possibly deserve this kind of love? This kind of affection? It simply wasn't logical. She had done too many things, said too many things, this was not possible. She closed her eyes and held Tris even once again, there was a small voice in the back of her mind. _Maybe it is all possible… with her._

* * *

AN: bUBBAfEEF - Thank you so much for your comment and suggestions! I am always open to constructive criticism and advice/ideas. Hope you liked this chapter ;)

XO – Ashlynn :)


	10. Happy Anniversary

_Chemistry is you touching my mind and setting my body on fire. - Unknown_

I carefully returned my wine glass to the linen tablecloth and relaxed back in my seat. My gaze traveled to a tall flickering candle, then to a small bouquet resting at the center of the table.

 _Lilies - her favorite… She spent some time planning this whole evening._

I looked around the elaborate set up.

 _An entire terrace to ourselves - a handful of assistants to serve our every whim... She's always going above and beyond._

My eyes traced over the familiar features of the woman opposite me. Her ivory skin soft and her eyes shining in the candlelight. She carefully studied the dinner options seemingly lost in an internal debate.

I noticed the fine creases forming at the corner of her eyes and crossing the bridge of her forehead. I smiled on the inside, she was even more beautiful when her scars showed on the outside.

 _It's about time. You've lived a thousand lives inside your mind. Desperate to make sure everyone around you is safe and sound, always leaving yourself for the very last._

My eyes lingered for a while at her flushed pink cheeks. She knew I was looking at her. This time my smile shone on the outside.

My eyes wandered beyond her jawline to her lean neck and strong shoulders. Like her forehead, the skin had fine creases, but she was no less beautiful or seductive. Her muscles flexed and relaxed dipping down to meet the shallow hollow of her collar bones.

Her dark navy dress hid the freckles sprinkled across her chest and the tops of her shoulders. But her arms were left bare in the warm summer air.

My mouth went dry and I swallowed hard as my eyes traced the graceful curves of her arms.

Her arms always got to me. Strange, I know. But God her arms… They could hold the weight of the world. And when you were wrapped in them, everything else just fell away. Her arms… _My home._

My eyes finally reached her hands and a warm tingling feeling ran up and down my spine. I couldn't help but consider how many times those hands had helped people. Lifting them when they were down, creating contracts, leading conferences. I shook my head at the thought.

My mind ran away to the things she could make me feel, make me do, with just her hands.

After a moment of indulgence I pulled my mind out of my memories. _I should hold her hands more often._ _Just to remind her that she's not alone, that she doesn't have to do everything on her own._

"So are you just going to continue staring at me or do you want to talk about it?"

 _Hmmmm_... My smile widened over my lips. _Caught in the act!_

I leaned forward folding my hands together on the table in front of my chest. "Not much to say I suppose."

She remained silent and I laughed silently as her eyebrow arched in question. She was onto me - like always.

"I was thinking about you, if you must know," I offered haughtily, unable to hide my smirk.

"Oh?" She remained quiet, careful to keep her eyes on the menu though I could tell she was no longer reading it. "And what have you concluded?"

The smirk on my lips turned into a full blown smile then. "I was considering all of the things you have done, and things you will likely do in the future."

That got her attention. She looked up at me inquisitively. "My my Ms. Prior, those are awfully deep thoughts for a dinner date."

I shrugged nonchalantly and laughed at the use of my maiden name. "Well you know me, I'm just full of deep thoughts."

She shared in my smile then, "Yes you are darling."

My heart fluttered in my chest in a way only she could cause. Then I felt it again, that tingling along my spine that flooded through my veins. It felt as if our souls were attached by a string, each of us attached to the other by an invisible, unbreakable bond.

I reached out across the table then. I suspect she felt it too, because she instantly sat the menu to the side and reached out resting her hands in mine.

I looked down at our joined hands and brushed my thumbs over the tops of her fingers careful of the diamond resting on her left ring finger.

I'm not sure what inspired me. Perhaps courage, or maybe it was just my unyielding love for the woman whose hands I held in my own. But I told her then, I told her what I had truly been thinking about.

"I know you hate the white strands that are slowly appearing in your hair."

She looked at me slightly confused and I noticed the blush that crept into her cheeks.

"I'm just saying," I looked down at our hands again, "You don't need to be afraid of it."

"I'm not af-"

I gave her a knowing gaze and she reluctantly sighed in submission. "I love every fine line that has formed in your skin… I love the freckles that cover the tops of your shoulders."

I looked up and was greeted with a warm smile which I returned with one of my own.

"I love your arms 'cause they hold the world together, and keep me safe and warm."

She squeezed my hands tightly and I noticed her eyes begin to shimmer in the candlelight.

"I love your eyes that see me for what and who I am. I love your hands that work hard to make the world a better place." I watched as she swallowed hard and felt her hands start to tremble in mine.

"I love your heart that is so big and so full of love. I love your soul which has become part of my own."

I swallowed hard as the words continued to pour out of me. "And I am so so so great full you agreed to be my wife."I squeezed her hands tightly.

"You are the love of my life Jeanine Matthews. You make me happy. And sometimes you make me mad."

We both chuckled. I tried to blink away the tears clouding my vision and noticed she was struggling to do the same.

"But there is no one else I would rather argue with," I offered with a smile.

She laughed and her eyes sparkled at the endearment. I felt my heart expand infinitely in my chest and sighed contentedly.

"Really though, I know we've had our moments the past couple of years. But there's no one I would rather share my life with… You're my best friend, my confidant. I'm so thankful and grateful that I get to be your wife and your partner for life."

She nearly pulled me across the table as she pulled my hands toward her chest. I quickly stood and stepped around the table. She instantly wrapped her arms around my waist pulling me down to straddle her lap. Before I even had a chance to breathe her lips were pressed to mine.

My body buzzed to life as she pressed her warm lips to mine. It was a tender kiss, yet passionate with years of experience behind it. Her arms held me tightly and my soul shook inside my chest. _Home._

I broke our kiss and leaned back cupping her face in my hands. I let myself drown in the blue-gray mist of her eyes. Every cell inside of me burned then stilled completely. "Home."

She gave me a watery smile and started to release her grip around me.

"No," I reached back and pressed her arms tightly around me. "You… You are my home."

Silence filled the air but a million proclamations of love spilled from her lips when she whispered, "Tris."

I nodded my head and leaned forward kissing her deeply. I knew she felt the same, I could feel it. My hands slid up her arms to her shoulders, over her collar bones, and up the warm expanse of her neck before cupping her face in my hands.

Again, I broke our kiss and leaned back in her embrace. "Happy anniversary Jeanine."

"Happy anniversary my love."

* * *

Mosh63, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! You made me smile ;) -Ashlynn :)

Guest, I can't speak for other fic writers, but I think alll mother-daughter relationships are deceptively complex. I imagine that Jeanine grew up in a home where expectations were extremely high and failure was not an option. This lead to her becoming a very type-a overachieve. If you're interested I could explore her past in a couple drabbles? Let me know ;) - Ashlynn :)


	11. A Good Lie

"Sit."

Tris closed the door and slid her blazer off draping it over the back of a nearby chair. She walked across the cream carpet to the closet.

Jeanine did as she was commanded and perched herself on the edge of the bed. She watched Tris kick off her boots and begin to undress. She shifted nervously and smoothed out the duvet beneath her.

Silence rang out louder than any words they could scream at each other.

In only her bra and boy shorts Tris crossed the room to where Jeanine was waiting. Refusing to look the other woman in the eyes, she started removing the blonde's dress. Slowly, methodically, she pulled the zipper down exposing warm ivory skin.

Jeanine looked up with pleading eyes, silently begging Tris to look at her.

Tris continued her ministrations her face concealed, the complete opposite of how she felt on the inside.

"Stand."

Again, Jeanine did as commanded. She wiped the sweat from her hands and stood on unsteady legs. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and her lungs fought to pull in air.

Tris reached out and turned her around. Jeanine swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her eyes.

Tris pushed the silky material off Jeanine's shoulders and it fell to the floor in a heap. She knelt down silently and carefully guided Jeanine's feet free of the dress and her heels. She placed the dress over the chair with her blazer and left the high heels on the floor right beside it. She turned back around and her eyes wandered up and down.

A cold chill ran up Jeanine's spine. She couldn't see her, but she knew Tris was staring at her. She also knew it wasn't the kind of friendly stare she usually received in the morning while she was getting ready for the day. Her body flushed and she chewed at her lower lip determined not to give herself away.

Tris turned her head to the side in thoughtful inspection. Regardless of how angry she was - Jeanine was still beautiful. Determinedly, she set her jaw and moved forward until their bodies were only a breath apart.

Jeanine inhaled sharply trapping the air in her lungs. Tris' hot breath raced down over her neck and sent tingling sensations down her spine causing her to shiver in their wake.

Tris reached out and brushed the back of her fingers against Jeanine's hand. Pale fingers danced about as if they were searching for something to hold onto. Slowly, gently, Tris continued her path upward, circling and snaking her fingertips up toned ivory arms. Her fingers stilled in their accent when they reached firm sculpted biceps. She curled her fingers deep into the muscle and squeezed hard.

Jeanine winced at the pain and ground her teeth together careful to remain silent.

Tris released her grip and let her right hand fall to Jeanine's hip. She slid her left hand up and slipped her fingers under a black satin strap. She pulled the material to the side and slowly leaned in placing a soft kiss to the red crease the strap left behind.

Jeanine's body shuddered in response. She balled her hands into fists desperate to keep some sense of control.

Tris moved further in, placing kisses to the top of Jeanine's shoulder, and up her neck until she reached her hairline. She opened her lips and grazed her teeth along the shell of Jeanine's ear causing the blonde to inhale sharply and dip her head in that direction.

Tris tightened her grip on Jeanine's hip.

"Do you know why I'm upset with at you," Tris whispered against the shell of her ear.

Jeanine swallowed and nodded her head slowly.

"Say it."

"I-" Jeanine stuttered for a moment. She drew in a deep breath and did her best to ignore the pain radiating from her hip. Instead, she focused on keeping her voice calm and collected. "I lied."

Tris leaned down and sank her teeth into Jeanine's shoulder nearly drawing blood. The older woman's knees went weak and her nostrils flared with aggression.

"Why," Tris growled releasing her hold and nipping along Jeanine's shoulder then up her neck.

Jeanine rubbed her tongue over her front teeth hiding her snarl.

"Why!" Tris sunk her nails into Jeanine's skin yanking their bodies together.

A yelp escaped Jeanine as they collided and her arms flew open wide. She reached around behind her and sank her fingers into Tris' sides causing the younger woman to grown in discomfort. A smirk slid across her lips and she tightened her grip.

"Why did you lie to me," Tris questioned again.

"I thought I was protecting you."

Tris' eyebrows pulled together in complete confusion. "What?"

Jeanine took a deep breath, "I lied because I thought I was protecting you."

The words pummeled through Tris knocking the anger from her veins. She instantly released her hold on Jeanine and the older woman turned to face her.

Jeanine's heart clenched in her chest when she met Tris' shocked expression. Her face was pale and she had wrapped her arms around herself as if she was going to be sick.

Tris stumbled backward and Jeanine reached forward catching her. She pulled the younger woman against her chest and wrapped her arms around her tightly.

Tris' body trembled with guilt and humiliation. Tears slipped from her eyes and her body went limp in the arms of her lover. Jeanine pulled them backward and guided Tris onto the bed.

She lied down on the bed facing Tris and stopped the younger woman when she started to turn away.

"No."

Tris curled into a ball and buried her face behind her arms. Two minutes ago she couldn't look at Jeanine because she was filled with anger. Now, she was only filled with sorrow and regret.

"Darling." Jeanine reached out and wrapped her hand around Tris' forearm gently pulling it away from her face.

"It's okay to be angry with me."

Tris shook her head in fervent denial.

"I did lie to you," Jeanine pointed out.

Tris swallowed hard and slowly opened her eyes staring down at the duvet. "I thought…" She began to pull at the seams in the fabric. "I thought you were embarrassed of me."

"Oh Tris," Jeanine cooed gently. "I'm not embarrassed of you - I promise." She reached out and pushed stray locks of hair out of Tris' face.

Tris finally looked up at Jeanine and met her eyes. "I was so mad at you."

"I know," Jeanine said widening her eyes and raising her eyebrows.

"But why did you lie? I mean… It's really unlike you."

Jeanine took a deep breath and propped her head up with her hand. "There really isn't a viable excuse… I guess, I thought by not telling you I was protecting you. You've been working so hard and I knew the news that your program was being shut down would be a huge disappointment to you... I also thought maybe I could save it - the program. Then you wouldn't have to know that it was ever in trouble to begin with."

Tris let out a breathy laugh and hid her face in the pillow.

"Hey," Jeanine ran her hand up and down Tris' arm. "I'm sorry I lied to you… And it's okay to be mad at me Tris. We're in a relationship, it's bound to happen sometimes."

Tris remained silent keeping her head tucked in the pillow.

"Hey," Jeanine shook Tris' shoulder. "Want to know a secret?"

Tris hummed into the pillow.

"It was kinda hot," Jeanine confessed with a smile.

Tris lifted her head and gave Jeanine an incredulous look. "Ha! Don't make me laugh." She buried her face in the pillow again.

Jeanine giggled and playfully smacked Tris on the arm. "Oh get over yourself."

Tris laughed into the pillow and kicked her legs against the bed.

Jeanine laughed and pulled Tris' arm. "Get over here and kiss me."

Tris happily obliged and placed a soft kiss to Jeanine's lips. She smiled into their kiss when Jeanine pulled their bodies flush together.

Tris broke the kiss with a sudden thought. She pushed herself off the bed so she was sitting up straddling Jeanine's hips. "I want you to promise me that you won't do that again. I love that you were looking out for me. But I'd much rather hear the truth than have you hide things from me."

Jeanine nodded her head in understanding and brushed her hands up and down toned thighs, "I promise."

Tris smiled and leaned down placing soft kisses over pink cheeks. "Now, you said something turned you on?"

Jeanine reached up and cupped Tris' face in her hands kissing her hard. "You."

* * *

Hello friends! I made a new Trinine video and hope you will give it a look :) Just YouTube "Trinine Medicine" and it should come up :) Thank you!

GwenS - Thank you for your request! I will work on Jeanine's backstory and hopefully post it soon. - Ashlynn :)


	12. Heavy History

My darling Tris,

I know there are things you wish to speak with me about. And I know you would deny it, but I see the disappointment in your eyes each time I change the subject. Your curiosity is only natural, and I fear you may believe I am pushing you away because of disillusion or disinterest. However the truth is, I simply do not speak of my childhood with anyone. It's not that it was horrific or distrautful. In truth, it was rather mundane.

I was born on a cold October night to my parents, Richard and Elizabeth Matthews. They were doting and attentive parents, always looking out for me, watching over me, protecting me. For you see, I was not their first child, but I was to be the last.

My sister Cassidy died when she was only three. The doctors told my parents that, "sometimes these things happen," and "there is nothing you could have done." But it did nothing to stave off their grief, or prevent them from over protecting me.

So I spent my childhood living in the shadows of 'what ifs' and 'what could have beens'. Missing matching dresses, a hand to hold on the way to school, a constant confidant and friend. Though she was never there, I could see her ghost in the tears of my mother's eyes every time she cried.

I suppose, in a way, Cassidy never left. There was always an expectation to do more and be more. It is a weight which I still carry with me today. Please don't misunderstand, my parents loved me and they encouraged me to follow my dreams. But there was always some still small part of me that felt as though I had to live up to the expectations my parents held for my sister and I both.

In a way, I have learned to be great full for the burden. I would not be where I am and have what I have without the pressure of having to live two lives instead of just one.

My teenage years came and went as I suppose everyone's does. I went to school and worked at the local market on the weekends. I had plenty of friends and the occasional relationship or two.

My mother passed away just after I graduated from high school and my father not long after that. I was alone with not a single person left at home. So I threw myself into school. I took advanced courses in everything I could. You could say, education became the remedy for my pain. Strange, I know. But I couldn't see myself going down any other road. Even though they were gone, the weight of my family's expectations still managed to linger on.

I studied all manner of things; science, history, art, and yes, policy and politics. I fell in love with political science and the ideals of citizenship. It became my family you see, the faction - Erudite, it became my home in itself.

I'm sure you've heard several different variations of how I came to be its leader. You may believe whichever one you choose. Just know that I worked hard to get here, and keeping my position has never been particularly easy.

You may have expected more to this story given my secrecy and unwillingness to speak about it. My history is not bad per say, just a heaviness I carry with me every day.

In June, when the seasons change, I will disappear for a few days. I will visit their grave and cry as I did the day their bodies became one with the ground. Perhaps, if you'd like, I could take you with me.

We could visit the house where I grew up, and I could share with you the stories of childhood fun. The house has changed some, as it now serves as a home for those who have none. So you see, everything comes full circle in the end.

I hope when you read this it brings you a sense of understanding, of peace, and maybe even closure. There are things in my life which I have vowed never to speak of. But perhaps one day, I will share even those things with you. For now, I pray this letter will be enough.

Know that I love you more with each and every day. You've given me more than I ever dreamed of and I am grateful for our little piece of forever.

All my love,

Jeanine

Tris folded the letter and carefully placed it back in the envelope where her name was written in the most beautiful cursive. She left the envelope on the bedside table where she had found it and quietly made her way through the house.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips when she saw the door to the study cracked open with light shining through.

She crossed the hardwood floor on steady balanced feet and silently entered the study. "Jeanine?"

"Yes darling," Jeanine acknowledged her presence but continued working.

Tris smiled and stepped around the heavy oak desk until she was standing at Jeanine's side. She rested her hand on Jeanine's shoulder causing the older woman to look up at her.

"You are enough."

Jeanine gave her a confused look, "What?"

Tris reached down removing the reading glasses from the bridge of Jeanine's nose. She took the pen from her hand and dropped it to the desk before taking Jeanine's hand in her own.

Jeanine searched Tris' eyes in silent confusion, but all she could find was admiration and acceptance staring back at her.

"I know it's not my place, but I am going to say this anyway… You are enough."

"Tris-"

"Jeanine please, please just let me say this…" She squeezed Jeanine's hands tightly. "You have done enough. You can be yourself. You don't have to live for anyone else, at least not with me. I know it may sound scary, but I really hope that you'll think about it. I love you, even the things you hide from me, I love those things too because they are a part of you. And if you should choose not to change I will love you all the same. But please think about it… Your parents, your sister, I can't imagine they could be any more proud of the person you have become. You are brave, intelligent, generous, kind, and you have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. I think… Now of course this is just me… But I think your parents and your sister would want you to live your own life, to do the things that you want to do."

"Tris I-"

Tris waved her hands in the air cutting off Jeanine again. "I know, I know, I'm speaking out of turn and you probably don't want to talk about it anyway. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I am going to support you no matter what you do."

Tears pooled in Jeanine's eyes and she pushed their joined hands behind Tris hugging her tightly.

* * *

GwenS - I hope you enjoyed this snapshot of Jeanine's background. I may expand on a few things in later fics/drabbles.

Jazwriter - Thank you for your review. I smiled a lot while writing the ending ;) I'm happy you enjoyed reading it! :)

-Ashlynn :)


	13. Pillow Talk

Fluff and light smut. Enjoy :)

* * *

Tris felt a familiar weight slide across her stomach. She became aware of its warmth first, then its soft, smooth surface. She drew in a deep breath, smiling as the scent of vanilla overwhelmed her senses. Tilting her head to the side and opening sleepy eyes, she smiled.

"Hey you..." Her voice was groggy with sleep. She leaned over, placing a light kiss to Jeanine's shoulder and squeezing her arm. "How long have you been awake?"

"A couple hours."

Tris knit her eyebrows together in concern."Hours?" She started to roll onto her back but was stopped by Jeanine's strong grip on her arm. The older woman smiled and her eyes wandered over exposed tan skin. "I adore watching you sleep," she finally said.

Tris' large dark eyes scanned Jeanine's face as a smile formed over her lips. "No nightmares last night?" She scooted closer, nuzzling Jeanine's neck, and gently nipping at the ivory skin.

"I have a feeling those are all gone now." Jeanine said thoughtfully. She wrapped her arm even further around Tris.

"Mmmm...Good." Came the mumbled pressed airy kisses against the pulse point of Jeanine's neck causing the blonde woman to giggle.

Tris leaned back until she met cloudy blue eyes. "You have a great laugh." She reached out and traced her fingers down Jeanine's jawline. "I want to make you laugh all the time."

A soft chuckle rose from Jeanine's chest and a warm smile bloomed on her lips. "Not all the time, my darling... I have to be serious at work." Her smile faded as thoughts of her to-do list filtered into her mind. Tris watched as Jeanine's face tightened and her eyes wandered away to an unseeable place. She dipped down and pressed soft kisses to Jeanine's skin, starting at tense shoulders and slowly working her way in.

A moment of silence passed before Jeanine pushed work from her mind and brought her attention back to Tris. "It will be a great to know that this is waiting for me at home." She reached over and playfully squeezed Tris' buttocks, a mischievous grin filling her expression.

Tris' head popped up in surprise."Waiting for you at home?" Her eyebrows raised in question. "Am I supposed to quit my day job?"

"If you wish..." Jeanine shrugged. "After all, you're a wealthy woman now. You wouldn't have to work, unless you want to."

Tris rolled her eyes and plopped back onto the bed with a huff.. She wiped her hand over her face in annoyance. "Jeanine, we've had this conversation. I don't want your money."

"Ahhh... but you're stuck with it now." Jeanine growled and rolled over on top of Tris. Brown eyes to opened wide in surprise. "We didn't sign a pre-nup. So now, legally at least, what's mine is yours," Jeanine teased.

"Jeanine..." Tris grumbled. She shook her head trying to hide her smirk.

Grinning triumphantly, Jeanine continued, "And what's yours is mine."

Tris watched as blonde eyebrows lifted and blue eyes darkened with anticipation. Tris' swallowed the lump in her throat, "Jeanine I- I don't have anything to..."

"Shhh..." Jeanine placed her fingertip to Tris' lips. "These are mine..." She lowered her head to capture the lips in question. Nimble hands traced the curves of Tris' waist. Tris wound her fingers into blonde hair pulling Jeanine closer, deepening their kiss. The blood in her veins tingled and a wanton warmth started to pool between her legs. Aroused and out of breath, Jeanine broke the kiss. She lowered her lips to place kisses along Tris' jawline. Then she shifted downward, murmuring against the skin on Tris' neck, "This is mine.. And this..."

Her hand traced over the familiar curves of the taut body beneath her. Trailing kisses downward, she stopped to taste the flesh Tris' arching body offered. "Mine." Her tongue flicked over hardened nipples, her teeth exerting gentle pressure. "Oh!" Tris pressed herself into Jeanine's questing lips. She gasped for air and her body quivered as warm hands explored even lower. Jeanine's coaxing voice drove her toward the edge nearly as fast as the sensation of Jeanine's skin sliding against hers.

"Aaallll mine..." Jeanine exaggerated as her tongue made tiny swirls against Tris' stomach. A salacious grin filled her lips as the long fingers threaded through her hair pushed her even lower. She chuckled and felt the muscles under her hand ripple with arousal. "My my..." She looked up the length of Tris' torso to meet large dark eyes. "All of this is for me," she teased.

Tris nodded, "All yours babe," she whispered needily. Her head dropped back against the pillow and her eyes slammed shut as her muscles clenched tightly.

"Mmmm..." Jeanine kissed a small patch of glistening skin. "I like that."

"Always for you," Tris' voice shuddered in anticipation.

"Mmmm... Yes indeed." Jeanine dropped a lingering kiss against the inside of Tris' smooth thigh. "Always."

She shifted slightly as Tris did and exhaled softly as the younger woman opened herself, giving herself over with the sliding of legs against bed sheets and small whimpers of need.

"Jeanine..." dark eyes were huge - brimming with desire, "I need you."

"You have me." Jeanine lowered her head and hummed against the slickness she found.

It didn't take long before Tris began to tremble violently. Jeanine merely continued her adoration until Tris' back snapped tight and her head left the pillow in ecstasy.

"Jeanine... " Tris panted through the waves of her orgasm, and her body falling back to the bed.

Gradually Jeanine slowed her exploration to a stop, and crawled up to hold Tris in her arms. Dark tousled hair spilled across the pillow and Tris' head rested on her shoulder. Jeanine smiled in satisfaction, "I love you."

"Mmmm..." Tris snuggled closer rubbing her nose against Jeanine's neck. "I love you."

"I'd give away everything I have." Jeanine said after a moment had passed.

"Hmmm?" Tris hummed already half asleep.

"Everything I have, everything I own, my job, my title, this house, everything. I'd give it all away," Jeanine said simply.

Slowly, Tris propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at Jeanine. "I'd never ask you to do that."

A smile painted it's way over Jeanine's lips. She reached out and tucked stray strands of hair behind Tris' ear. "I know. That's why I wouldn't hesitate to."

Tris smiled at the simplicity of her answer. She took Jeanine's hand in her own and looked down at her diamond ring."I'm still trying to believe you married me."

Jeanine chuckled, "Well, I did."

Tris shook her head, smiled, and looked back up at her wife. "Crazy."

"Yours," Jeanine smiled.

"Always," Tris smiled.

"Always," Jeanine agreed.

* * *

Inspired by "Don't Leave Home" by Dido :)

If you write Trinine stories please PM me or leave a comment. I would love to read your stories! :)


	14. Hold Me Down

NSFW. Light BDSM.

* * *

"Get in the fucking car." My voice is a lethal growl. Grey eyes bore into me, but Jeanine does as she's told. We climb into the car and I slam the door shut behind me.

"I-" She starts, disturbing the silence.

I throw my hand up, "Don't." I set my jaw and start the engine, tearing out of the parking lot, leaving Erudite in the rear-view.

"Tris," She starts when we arrive at our house. I pay her no attention, leaving her in the car and going inside. My fingers wind around the bottle of bourbon and I pour myself a generous glass. I down the first glass all at once and I pour myself another.

"Tris?" Jeanine calls from behind me. My eyes screw closed tightly. Even when I'm angry, her voice shakes me to the core, just as it always has.

"Can we talk about this?" She questions, the anxiety clear in her voice.

"I don't know Jeanine." I spin on my heels with a snarl. "Can we? You seem to prefer to make decisions for the both of us on your own. Why should this time be any different?"  
Her face pulls into a pained grimace. I took it too far, but I don't give a damn. "What could you possibly have to say?" I demand.

I watch her eyes burn then start to shine. I know she's swallowing her words, she's biting her cheek, waiting for me to let it all out.

 _You've always had more patience than me._

I down the rest of the bourbon in my glass and slam it back down. "What gives you the right to make choices for me?" I seethe. She looks away, down at her shoes, and it feels like the Pacific Ocean has been crammed into the five feet between is.

 _I hate being mad at you. I hate fighting with you._

"You can't do that to me Jeanine!" I lurch forward. She doesn't look up. I watch her shoulders rise then slump in defeat. I close my eyes and rub small circles on my temples, my head throbbing. I'm so tired. The anger slowly abandons my veins and I open my eyes to find the woman in front of me silently crying. "Jeanine," my voice cracks and I swallow the lump in my throat. She turns away from me and I drown in regret. "Hey," I reach out, closing the space between us. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." My eyes fall closed and I bury my nose into the soft fabric of her dress inhaling deeply. I wrap my arms even more tightly around her and the tension starts to leave my shoulders.

 _I know you had good intentions._

"I'm sorry." She whispers, her hands coming up to cover mine. "I know I need to talk to you about things first."

I give her midsection a tight squeeze. "It's okay, I know you're trying… I just need to know that my opinion matters. I know," I swallow hard, "You're a faction leader. You have lots of responsibilities and hundreds of people pulling you in a million different directions." I press my body further into her, and feel her breath hitch under my palm. "But I need to know that I'm not just one of them. I need to know that I'm not someone you delegate stuff to. I'm your partner. We," I lace our fingers together, "Are a team."

Jeanine takes a deep breath and relaxes back into me. I turn my head to the side and run my nose along the column of her neck. She tilts her head to the side and I already know she is becoming aroused. I leave a trail of kisses from her shoulder to her hairline and take a deep breath. She squeezes my hands and turns in my arms. My eyes go wide at the silver in her eyes. A smile tugs at corner of her mouth and I pull her close.

"You," she says, cupping my face in her hands before I can kiss her, "Are my best friend. And the single most important part of my life. I'm sorry. I promise I will get better. Please be patient Tris. Old habits are hard to break."

I nod my head and grin at the sincerity in her voice, "I know." She gives me a lopsided smile and I lean in, giving her a kiss. Her hands are cool against my cheeks and I get lost in the soft texture of her lips. A strong, slow pulse builds between my legs, and I press my tongue against Jeanine's. Her hands fall from my face and rest on my chest. I want you… always.

No one is capable of touching me the way she does. No one else can reach inside and hold my soul in their hands. No one has known me inside out, the way she does. Every fatal flaw - exposed to the flood of her love.

Grey eyes open and I watch them darken as a storm brews inside. My chest tightens. She moves through me, shifting through the contents of my soul with her eyes. A tsunami of emotion pummels through me when she finds the pain I'd been trying so hard to hide. The corner of painted lips crooks upward, when tears sting my eyes. She's found the treasure, the things I've kept hidden deep inside. She tilts her head to the side and I feel her eyes wander over the rest of me. The muscles in my lower back tighten under her gaze. The curve of smooth ivory skin invites me in. She teases me as she takes a step back, pulling me with her.

My back meets white sheets and I lift my head to see Jeanine. Navy clings to the curves of her body and a shot of arousal courses through me when I imagine what it's hiding from view. My skin prickles into goose flesh and my stomach flips in nervous anticipation. She climbs on top of me, hovering over me. Her breath is hot against my skin when she kisses me. It's slow, smooth, her tongue tracing my lips. Slender fingers travel down the column of my neck to the dip of my collar bone where black birds fly free. I meet her hungry gaze as her hand continues its exploration of my body. She traces an invisible line over my shirt, between my collar bones, the valley of my breasts, the juncture of my rib cage, finally coming to rest on my belt.

Darkening grey eyes lock onto mine as skilled fingers undo the buckle and pull the leather free. An eyebrow arches and I know it's a silent promise - it will be used later.

She sets the belt to the side and her fingers wrap around the zipper of my shirt. A deep growl erupts when she realizes I'm not wearing a bra. A grin tugs at the corner of my lips and I am rewarded with her lips against the exposed skin of my neck. When the zipper is free she straddles me and pulls me up to meet her. She kisses me and pushes the shirt off my shoulders, her hands roaming over tanned skin and pert nipples.

My hands travel up her sides until they reach the zipper at the base of her neck. I unzip her dress as far down as possible before my hands find their way inside. Her skin is warm and smooth under my callused hands. My hands travel up her back to unclasp her bra. I'm thanked with a low hum into my mouth. After a moment, she pulls away, sliding back to stand at the edge of the bed. She steps out of her heels and unzips her dress the rest of the way. Her eyes study me. I know she can see the flush in my cheeks, but I continue looking anyway. She slides the dress off all at once, her bra falling to the floor with it. The only fabric left on her skin - a black lace thong.

I swallow hard and kick my shoes to the floor, unable to get dressed fast enough. My pants meet my shoes and Jeanine tells me to move. I follow her gaze to the headboard and another wave of arousal washes through me. I do as I am told and she joins me after a moment. I reach for her body, but she takes my wrists and pins them above my head on the bed.

"Don't move." The instructions are simple, but it's hard to obey. Hard when she is on top of me like this. I hear a familiar jingle and a groan catches in my throat.

"Okay?" Jeanine asks holding the leather belt above me. I nod my head and let her tie my hands to the headboard while my eyes appreciate the view of her almost nude body.

She kisses me again and lowers her body onto mine. Her hands wander over my skin and I tug uselessly against the new restraint. Breathless, Jeanine breaks our kiss and looks down at me. A sly grin breaks across her lips and her eyes - once grey - are now blue, darkened with lust. A jolt of arousal twinges between my legs and I buck my hips up against her. She chuckles deeply and places a chaste kiss to my lips. Her hands trail down my chest, pausing at the swell of my breasts. She palms them both, squeezing them, massaging them gently. Her fingers circle and pull at my nipples causing my chest to left from the bed and a whimper to escape from between my lips. Finally, red lips meet my chest and she wraps them around an erect nipple.

"Ah!" I press my chest further up, wishing I could wrap my fingers in her hair and hold her there. She releases my nipple with a pop and runs it between her teeth causing my legs to shudder. Her hand covers my breast again, and she repeats the process on the other side. Licking, sucking, nibbling, until I am writhing and moaning beneath her.

"Please." I whine, lifting my head and looking down at her. She grins up at me and my head falls back to the pillow when I feel her lips move further down my body. She covers my stomach with kisses and after what seems like an hour, she reaches the source of my need. I feel her lips kiss along the waistband of my boy-shorts and I buck my hips up against her.

She chuckles throatily. "Someone's impatient today." I groan and toss from side to side, silently cursing the cool leather around my wrists. I hear the sheets shift and then feel soft lips against the inside of my thigh.

"Ohhh," I shudder at the feeling of her hot breath on my skin. Goosebumps rise and I spread my legs for her instinctively.

 _I need you._

Her kisses come closer and closer to the apex of my thighs, and I swear I could explode.

"Take 'em off," I rush when she places a kiss to the black boy-shorts keeping her from the sensitive skin underneath. This time she doesn't chuckle, only hooks her fingers into the material and yanks them off my body.  
The rush of cold air causes my legs to twitch and I ache for her warm lips again. Her hands run up my legs and my heart races inside my chest. I feel her settle between my legs and lift my knees over her shoulders.

"What do you want me to do?" Her voice is raspy, barely there.

"Fuck me." I can hardly breathe.

She hums and I envision her licking her lips. Her hot tongue meets my center and I grip the leather tightly. She licks me all the way up and down, her tongue wet and hot against my pussy. Her fingernails dig into my thighs as she holds me firmly in place. She probes her tongue in and out, all over me until I am completely soaked. My clit is rock hard and she sucks on it vigorously. I scream of ecstasy erupts from me and my thighs tighten holding her in place.

"You're so wet for me," she says pulling back.

"Oh yes. Please Jeanine." I nearly cry at the loss of contact. I look up at her through watery eyes. She crawls up my body and runs two fingers up and down between my nether lips. She hovers over me and I disappear in the darkness of her eyes, giving her complete control. My body trembles under her touch and just when I think I'm going to lose it, she pushes two fingers into me and kisses me hard. Salty tears fall from my eyes and I scream into her mouth. My pussy clenches around her fingers pulling her in deeper.

"Ohhhh!" I moan when she is fully inside of me.

Jeanine breaks our kiss and rests our foreheads together. She holds me there for a moment - letting my muscles adjust as I breathe her in. Slowly, my eyes flutter open and look up to see her. Blonde hair is mussed, her cheeks flushed, her lips soaked with my essence, and her eyes dark with arousal. Gently, I buck my hips, letting her know I'm ready. She leans down and kisses me again, slowly, letting me taste myself on her lips. Her fingers retract ever so slowly and circle over my swollen hard clit. Then she slides down and her fingers circle the rim of my throbbing pussy. My eyes fall closed and a guttural moan catches in my throat.

She slams her fingers into me and the air leaves my lungs. She pulls out and does it again and again. I squirm in pleasure and open my legs even wider. Her name is the only thing I can say as she continues fucking me hard - fast.

"Jeanine. Jeanine. Jeanine." I say her name each time she fills me. She kisses me fiercely and again I can't breathe. Everything is Jeanine. She keeps up the punishing pace, never slowing down, racing me toward climax.

"Come for me," she growls in my ear.

I nod my head vehemently and cry out when she adds a third finger stretching me even more. "Ahhhh! Fuck Jeanine!" My voice breaks as my head lifts from the sheets.  
She hovers over me, our breasts bumping as she continues fucking me. I revel in the moment and force my eyes to stay open. "I love you." She smiles above me and it shakes me to the core. Jeanine crooks her fingers and pushes into me harder, stroking the sweet spot inside.

"OH!" My back snap tight and my legs wrap around her ass, pulling her in tighter. Her fingers rake over the sweet spot inside me again and again. She presses her thumb against my clit and that's it.

My pussy clenches around her fingers as she continues pumping in and out of me, my orgasm crashing through me with each thrust. My muscles clench and my vision blurs in and out of focus.

I swallow hard and finally take in a gasping breath. I open my eyes and tears fill them instantly. There she is. "I love you," I pant out again.

Jeanine kisses me passionately and tugs at my lower lip with her teeth. She helps me ride out the waves of pleasure that are still washing through me. "I love you more."

"Babe," I whisper, when I have nearly caught my breath.

"Jeanine." I make a show of tugging against the belt above my head. She grins and climbs up my body. She reaches up and unties the belt placing her delicious breasts right in my face.

The second my hands are free I lean up wrapping my lips around one of her nipples. Heat fills me again and pulses through my with a carnal need.

"Tris." Jeanine breathes above me. I massage her other breast with my newly free hand and roll her nipple between my fingers while I continue sucking on the other one.

"Tris wait." She pants out and leans back, pushing herself up on both arms.

"I promise I'll be better." She says, her eyes genuine and sincere.

"I know." I let my hands wander up and down her arms. Her face tenses with determination and worry. I push myself up so she is sitting in my lap.

I look up at her, our faces only inches apart and a smile spreads over my lips. "I know."

We kiss again and this time, it's more than familiar - it's home.

 _I feel like myself, strong and weak at the once - allowed, at least for a little while, to be both. This is where I am meant to be. Here, with her, I am home._

* * *

Reviews are always appreciated :)


	15. The Flu

"Well the good news is your temperatures gone down." Tris sat the thermometer on the nightstand next to the bed.

"Does that mean I can go to the office?" Jeanine picked at the fuzzy blanket while she sat propped up in bed by a bunch of pillows.

"No, it hasn't gone down enough and it's going to go back up again." Tris reached over the side of the bed and pulled her stethoscope out of her medical bag.

"Why," Jeanine whined.

"'Cause you have the flu." Tris helped Jeanine lean forward and started to use the stethoscope.

"Here's the thing though - I never really saw you study while you were in med school."

Tris shook her head. "Deep breath." She moved the stethoscope over Jeanine's back, listening to her labored breathing.

"Do you even know what you're even listening for right now?" Jeanine chided with a grin and took a deep breath, holding it.

Tris snorted a laugh. "Do you know how many other people I could have married?"

"How many," Jeanine exhaled with a smile.

"Shhh." Tris hushed her wife and tried to focus on the sound of her breathing.

Jeanine rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm going to office," she said determinedly.

Tris took a deep breath and removed her stethoscope, "Okay."

Jeanine looked over her shoulder and back at Tris, "Really?"

"Feel free," Tris gestured for her to leave the bed.

"Okay." Jeanine threw back the covers, swung her legs over the side of the bed, and stood up. "Uh-oh." Her head started to spin, her vision started to blur and she sat back down on the side of the bed.

Tris pursed her lips in an attempt to hide her grin. "Anything Else?"

Jeanine slid back into bed and Tris helped her pull the blankets back up over her legs. "I uh, I think I'll stay here for a little bit."

"Okay." Tris smiled and leaned in, giving her wife a light kiss on the cheek.


	16. Dangerous Woman

NSFW. BDSM. Mature/Explicit. Smut.

 _Inspired by Ariana Grande's song Dangerous Woman._

* * *

"Great okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow… Yup, thanks Caleb… Bye." I tapped the end call button on my phone's screen and pulled out my keys, unlocking the front door and stepping inside.

"Jeanine? I'm home." I dropped my keys on the in-table and left my bag by the coat closet.

"Tris." My name echoed against the high vaulted ceilings. I looked up to see Jeanine standing at the top of our wooden staircase. Her body was encased in beautiful black lace lingerie, and a long silky black robe hung loosely from her shoulders.

"H-Hi." Surprise and arousal shot through me in a double dose.

Her eyes locked onto mine, and a moment of charged silence passed before a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised in question. My mouth went dry and my heart pounded in my chest, my cheeks flushed and my jeans suddenly felt uncomfortably tight. I watched her pink tongue slip out and wet plump red lips. I slowly ascended the stairs and her eyes scanned my every movement. My heart pounded loudly in my ears and blush spread over my skin.

Things were never dull with Jeanine. She was a lioness between the sheets. Her gaze burned into me, and I felt impossibly small when I finally reached the last step.

"Tris." My name fell off her tongue in a low purr and it made my knees go weak. I quickly scanned her face, her eyes dark with lust and her lips begging to be kissed. I took a couple steps toward her and tried to recall the exact details of the skin she was keeping hidden under black lace.

I closed the space between our bodies, stepping forward and invading her space. I reached out, resting my hands on her hips and taking another good look at the fancy lingerie.

"I heard a song today, and it kind of inspired me."

"Oh?" I looked up at her expectantly and let my hands slide up her sides then onto her breasts. I gave them a firm squeeze and loved the way she held her breath. I squeezed them again and leaned in, brushing our noses together. "What song," I breathed against her lips.

"I-It's a new one… By Ariana Grande," her voice was breathy and slow.

"What's it called?" I brushed our lips together and she parted her's in anticipation.

Her eyes flashed up to mine and her lips spread into a feral smile. "Dangerous Woman." She crashed her lips into mine taking control of the kiss. Her hands cupped my face and she spun me around, kissing me so hard I was leaning backward over the banister. Her tongue pushed into my mouth stealing the last of the air left in my lungs. I tightened my abs and launched myself forward pushing her backward into the wall. Her body makes a hard thud and she winces a little. I pin her wrists to the wall with my hands and my mouth explores the new expanse of skin.

I ran my tongue up and down the slender column of her neck, biting down every so often until I heard her moan. The sound make my knees tremble and I dropped my lips even lower. She pushed against my hands, but I held her firmly in place, tracing my tongue over the curve of her breasts and nipping at the supple skin. Her head rolled back and a deep moan vibrated up from her chest.

"Tris."

My head swam with the way she said my name, and raw heat filled every fiber of my being. I released my hold on her wrists and continued kissing my way up to her lips. Her hands quickly found their way to my breasts, and she squeezed them eagerly. We broke for a breath and she pushed off the wall, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her lips met mine in a feverish kiss and she pushed her body against mine. I took a step back toward our bedroom and she matched me step for step.

"I love you," I whispered against her parted lips when we reached the edge of our bed. She brought her arms up to rest on my shoulders and pulled the length of our bodies together. She pressed her lips to mine and pleasure leaped up inside of me again. My arms slid around her waist and I was conscious of nothing else. I love how we fit together, we have each other memorized.

With the back of her fingers, she stroked my cheek and pulled back to let her gaze rest on me. Graceful fingers reached out and began to undo the buttons of my shirt while her eyes remained locked onto mine. I could see something stirring inside her and it caused me to swallow hard. When all the buttons were free she gripped my waist and had me around. She pulled my shirt off of my shoulders and my bra quickly fell to the floor beside it.

Jeanine pressed herself into me, molding our bodies together and leaned in to whisper in my ear, "You're mine tonight."

My body shivered at all of the promises she made with just those three words. I wondered what she had in mind. Would she use her tongue, her fingers, or a toy maybe? I didn't ask, I knew better than to ruin the surprise. Whatever it was, I would be happy to oblige.

Her hands circled my waist and she unsnapped my pants. She hooked her fingers into the belt loops at my waist and yanked them down nearly causing me to stumble. The moment my pants it the floor her hands helped me catch my balance before cupping my breasts. She squeezed them and I reached back, tangling my fingers in blonde hair and turning my head to kiss her.

She pinched my hardened nipples between her fingers and heat pulsed through my body. "Jeanine," my voice came out a rushed breath and I pushed myself back into her - needing her.

She continued her ministrations on my breasts and left a trail of hot kisses over my shoulders. She paused for a moment at the middle of my neck and I felt her forehead rest against the back of my head.

Her hands squeezed my breasts tightly, her hips bucked forward into me and her breath shuddered against my skin, "I want you."

"You have me," I promised quietly, and she released her grip. I felt her body slide down mine as she knelt on the floor behind me. I gasped when her hot breath spread across my almost bare backside. I trapped my lower lip between my teeth and swallowed hard. Her hands slid around my hips, fingertips tracing the curve of my pelvis and slipping under my boy-shorts. Warm fingers slid together at the apex of my thighs as she kissed the base of my spine.

I inhaled shakily and balled my hands into fists, wanting so badly to speed up the process. Ever so slowly, she hooked her thumbs around the waistband and pulled my panties to the floor. She coaxed my feet free of the material and ran her hands back up the front side of my legs, stopping just before the apex of my thighs.

The air caught in my lungs when she released my left leg and let one finger trace a line down my spine and between my ass cheeks. I imagined her blood red finger nails, sliding over the creamy white skin of my backside. The gentle touch of her finger was enough to make my pussy clench with anticipation. As always, she had unlimited access to my body. Not that she would ever need to ask. When Jeanine took control of things, there was no use trying to argue about it. When she wanted control, I gave it to her - always.

Puffs of hot air sent shivers over my exposed skin and I could imagine the salacious grin spreading across her plump lips. I always loved it when she smiled during sex. The toothy white grin that would appear when she got off - just by giving me pleasure.

She slid her right hand even further around my leg and cupped my sex in her hand. My body trembled and I nearly fell forward again. She held me tightly, and I leaned back into her embrace again. Her finger found my clit and made small circles while she dipped one finger up and down along my backside again. She teased my clit relentlessly, making me wet with want. Jeanine was an expert at driving me crazy -in all things- and always seemed to know exactly what things I would be up for. Blindfolds, strap-ons, I knew what they were, but I never understood all of the things you could do with them until, Jeanine.

Her finger continued circling my clit and I could hear my own liquid arousal slipping between my folds. Just when my body grew impossibly tense, she pulled her finger away leaving me with only a groan. Her left arm wrapped around my waist as she brought her newly wet finger to my lower back. She traced a wet line down between my ass cheeks and paused when she reached my puckered hole.

I've always felt as though I belong to Jeanine. We are two sides of the same coin. Different, but still the same. Every part of me, belonging to me, also belongs to her. I could not be, would not be, who I am - without her. There are no exceptions for her with me. It's her. She makes me feel like I am about to fall, or turn to liquid, or burst into flames all at once.

She circled her finger around the sensitive skin a few times. My body tensed with anticipation. Then she paused and leaned forward, placing kisses along my lower back. I exhaled relevied and felt my shoulders relax. I unclenched my fists and rested my hands on her forearm.

She entered slowly, delicately, letting my muscles stretch and adjust to the feeling. My clit throbbed with it's own heartbeat and I let my head fall back as my knees started to feel weak. My asshole sucked at her finger as she pushed deeper. I could her hear shakily exhale when she pushed in to the hilt. She paused there, holding me, then pulled out and started drawing circles around my puckered skin.

"I've missed seeing you like this Tris," she whispered, her voice gravely, thick with arousal and barely above a whisper. "I've missed fucking you like this." As if I hadn't missed this too. "Mmm, and you have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this." She pushed a second finger inside of me.

I yelped and swayed on my feet, unprepared for the filling sensation.

"Do you need to lie down" she asked, her voice a deep mixture of arousal and concern.

I nodded my head. "Please."

Jeanine slowly removed her fingers and stood behind me. I climbed onto the bed and layed down on my stomach, burying my head in a pillow.

"Are you okay," she asked from beside the bed. I opened my eyes to see the genuine concern in her eyes. A smile turned up the corner of my mouth. "Yeah."

She arched an eyebrow. "You'll tell me if you want me to stop?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah... But I don't want you too."

A salacious grin spread across her lips and she climbed on the bed, hovering over me. The back of her hand ran down my spine and she rubbed her palm over my ass. She spanked me hard making me jump.

"I'm going to fuck you," she hissed. Her words were a promise I could barely wait for her to fulfill - a promise I needed her to fulfill. Juices leaked from my pussy, washing my clit in the evidence of my arousal. I wanted to reach down and touch myself, but I was to enthralled with Jeanine's teasing to move.

Two slick fingers found my asshole and Jeanine filled me again. I balled my fists in the pillow and held my breath. She pushed into me further this time, twisting her fingers and curling them while she was inside of me. I thought I was going to come undone.

Slow stroking quickly turned into thrusting while I felt the soft lace fabric of her lingerie slide against me. I closed my eyes tightly and imagined her delicate fingers between my legs, the flush of her cheeks and the dark blue of her eyes. No one had ever had me the way Jeanine had, and I'm certain no one else ever will.

She kissed the top of my shoulder as her fingers continued thrusting into me. If her other hand had been anywhere near my clit, it would have been enough to send me into a mind-bending orgasm. Her kisses continued down my back until she reached my ass. I felt her weight shift on the bed as she sunk her teeth into tender flesh.

Shock ripped through my system causing a cold rush then a hot flood to occur all at once. My pussy opened wide for her, aching for her attention.

"On all fours," she commanded, and I bolted into position. I quickly settled on my hands and knees and looked back through my arms. Instantly, my eyes found hers and a delicious shiver ran up my spine. Dark clouds of lust circled in her eyes and I knew this was far from over.

She climbed off the bed and pulled a dildo out of the bedside table. I swallowed hard and watched her douse it in lube. When she turned around I took a deep breath and heard myself say, "Will you put it on?"

She looked at me in question first, her eyes burning with need. But soon a smirk slid over her lips and she pulled a harness out of the drawer. I watched her slip the harness on and slide the dildo into place. She grabbed the bottle of lube and climbed back onto the bed.

She squirted some of the lube onto her finger and circled it around my ass. My eyes opened wide when I realized what she was about to do. She rubbed the silicone cock along my crack, spreading the lube around. I held my breath and closed my eyes. My muscles stiffened when I felt the tip touch my rim.

I braced myself for impact, but instead of gently entering me, Jeanine slid the dildo down and rammed it into my wet pussy first, causing me to cry out in pleasure. My cunt reacted instantly, clamping down on her shaft and pulling it in. My clit stood to attention, ready to receive, but Jeanine was always far too smart for that. She wanted me begging for release.

She slammed the cock into me again, and again. I slid backward, meeting her every thrust, bucking into her with as much force as possible. When my moans grew louder, she pulled out and held my ass tight. She rested the tip against my asshole.

I took a deep breath and focused my mind. I wanted it now. I wanted her to take me in every way. She put her hands on my hips while she teased me with the dildo. It was warm and slick with my juices, ready to slide in.

I clenched the bedsheets in my hands and my mouth opened wordlessly as she slipped the head inside me. My body opened for her slowly and tears started to build behind my eyes. I heard her let out a deep moan and I knew she was looking down - watching, waiting. Knowing she was so aroused made me want her that much more.

My voice came out in small cracks and whimpers as she filled me completely and pushed in to the hilt. The air caught in my throat when she started sliding the thick cock in and out of me slowly. She massaged my butt cheeks and my asshole relaxed, contracting and expanding at her will.

Fissures of bright white appeared behind my eyelids and a fire built in my veins. My head spun aimlessly, overwhelmed by the multitude of sensations.

"Touch yourself," Jeanine groaned, her voice sent a shiver up my spine and I quickly complied. I balanced myself on one hand and reached down, quickly circling my hard clit before pushing two fingers inside. My pussy wrapped around my fingers and sucked them in tightly while my thumb brushed over my clit. Jeanine started thrusting into me harder, faster. Her fingernails dug into my hips as she slammed the dildo into me over and over. Her strokes hit me, deep, deep, shallow, deep. Again, again, faster, harder.

"Jeanine!" My voice broke as I screamed. I pulled my dripping fingers out of my pussy and circled my clit, flicking it back and forth and rubbing it with my wet fingers. I couldn't take any more.

"Come on Tris. Come for me. Now."

I quickly obeyed. Every muscle in my body tensed and my arm gave way as I crashed into an obliterating climax. I came for Jeanine, and sweet pleasure rushed through my veins as I panted in orgasmic bliss.

Slowly, she withdrew, and I collapsed onto the bed. My entire body throbbed and my muscles twitched in the aftermath. My brain barely registered the sound of her taking off the harness and laying down beside me. She kissed my arm, my shoulder, my neck, before I finally lifted my head from the pillow so she could kiss my lips. She snuggled in close to me and I groaned with the effort it took to roll over on my back. Jeannie gave me a satisfactory grin and I smiled back at her through my daze.

"I love you," she whispered, and kissed me again. I hummed in contentment, the sound emanating from deep in my chest. She curled herself against my side and rested her head on my shoulder. Her hand traced gently up and down my midline, coming to rest on my breast.

"I missed these." She took one nipple in her mouth and sucked on it gently while her hand massaged my other breast. I inhaled shakily.

"They missed you too." I kissed the top of her head. She released my nipple slowly, pinching it between her lips.

I took a deep breath and traced the outline of her lingerie, with my finger tips. "Any chance I could convince you to take this off?"

She looked up at me through dark eyelashes. "Is there something you want to do?" I nodded my head with a grin.

* * *

Would you like a part 2?


	17. You Just Might Make Me Believe

NSFW. Mature/Explicit. Tris G!P.

* * *

Tris waited silently in Jeanine's plush king size bed. It wasn't the first time she had been invited to the Erudite leader's bed, and she was hopeful it wouldn't be the last either.

"I know Johanna… Yes, we'll be in touch soon. Thank you… Bye." Jeanine ended the call and looked up to see Tris on her bed, naked and waiting. A salacious grin spread over her lips. _Perfect._ She quickly stepped into the closet and removed her clothes. "I see you are getting used to our arrangement."

"Yes."

"Good."

Tris licked her lips in anticipation when Jeanine stepped out of the closet and approached the bed. Her extra appendage twitched and her hand slid down between her legs to stroke it gently.

Blue eyes instantly followed Tris' hand and Jeanine growled with arousal. She climbed across the bed on all fours to where Tris was waiting. "Hi," she whispered and leaned in, kissing chapstick covered lips.

"Hi." Tris' hands came up to cup Jeanine's face in her hands and she deepened their kiss.

Outside the walls of Jeanine's home they were hardly more than strangers. But inside, inside they were familiar lovers, and Tris wished they could stay in forever.

The blonde took Tris' growing erection in her hand and moaned at it's firmness. She stroked it slowly, sliding her warm hand up and down.

Tris squirmed when Jeanine squeezed the base of her cock tightly, then stroked it until it became completely erect and stood a full, thick, seven inches into the air.

Jeanine smirked into their kiss and slid backward, lowering her head and taking Tris' member between her plump lips. She sucked on the tip and continued until the first two inches were in her mouth.

Tris let out a strangled moan and wound her fingers into blonde tresses, digging her nails into Jeanine's scalp and holding on tight. The pleasure was just as intoxicating as the view.

Red lips moved lower as Jeanine took Tris' entire length in her mouth. The tip of Tris' cock slid into her throat and her eyes watered involuntarily.

Tris willed herself to keep her eyes open as Jeanine's head bobbed up and down between her legs, sucking, nipping, and stroking her throbbing cock. She moaned in desperation when Jeanine released her and crawled back up to kiss her with wet swollen lips.

"I've been thinking about this all day," the blonde whispered softly.

Tris grinned against her lover's lips and brought her hands up to squeeze and pull at full hardened breasts, "Me too." She squeezed ivory skin, loving the warmth and the weight. She slipped one hand down between toned legs. "Fuck Jeanine... You're so wet." Her fingers slid between Jeanine's slick warm folds and quickly slipped a finger deep inside.

"Mmmmphhh," Jeanine moaned loudly into Tris' mouth. She pushed her hips backward, hungry for more. Tris obeyed silently, brushing her thumb over Jeanine's hardened clit, but it wasn't enough. Jeanine needed more.

Tris slipped a second finger inside tight velvety walls and she pushed her tongue between perfect white teeth. She pulled her fingers out, circled Jeanine'a swollen clit, then slammed them roughly home.

"Ahh!" Jeanine broke their kiss. Her head fell to Tris' shoulder, barely able to keep herself up.

"I want you to ride me." Tris breathed, her voice filled with desire and her cock twitching with need. Jeanine nodded silently against her shoulder and Tris pulled her soaked fingers out, running them over her very stiff cock.

Jeanine took a deep breath and steadied herself, sitting up in Tris' lap then slowly lowering herself onto Tris' thick, throbbing member. "Tris…" she groaned, her face contorted with pleasure, as Tris' cock filled her up, stretching her until she was completely filled. She started to say something, but was cut off when thin lips crashed into her's. All she could do was moan loudly as her tight cunt was completely filled and stretched, ready to be fucked.

Tris' hands slid down to Jeanine's hips and she pushed in to the hilt. The blonde leaned forward, gripping Tris' shoulders for balance before she started to move. "Fuck," She hissed as she slid her hips back and forth, Tris touching every place inside of her. Tris tightened her grip on ivory hips and the two soon found a steady pace they both enjoyed.

"Oh, god Jeanine… You feel so good… I love-" _You_ "-how wet you are."

"Oh." Jeanine's head fell back, her eyes closed tight and her fingernails dug into Tris' back.

Tris watched with dark, lust-filled eyes and rolled her hips, filling Jeanine, giving her everything. "Come on baby. I know you're close. Come for me," Tris pleaded throatily.

"Fuccckkk!" Jeanine's scream echoed through the bedroom. Her pussy clenched down tight around Tris' hard cock and an orgasm ripped through her.

Tris felt her cock flood with Jeanine's liquid heat while the blonde rode out her orgasm."Yes… Yes…" She covered Jeanine's chest in kisses until the older woman caught her breath. "You're beautiful."

The blonde barely managed a smile before she smashed their lips together again and started to slide up and down, eager to bring Tris to climax. The brunette groaned loudly into their kiss and wrapped her arms firmly around Jeanine, flipping them over so she was on top.

Her hands instantly found smooth legs and she slowly spread them apart, positioning herself at Jeanine's entrance. She looked down to see her thick member slide slowly, steadily inside Jeanine. Her body trembled and she had to use every bit of willpower not to start fucking her really hard.

"Ohhh Tris…" Jeanine's voice shook and her eyes fell closed.

Tris slid her hands down and griped Jeanine's thighs tightly, pushing herself completely in.

"Yes..." Jeanine encouraged, her pussy pulsing and tightening around Tris' hard cock again.

Tris pulled out slowly before she pushed in again and then fell forward, so she was hovering over Jeanine. The blonde palmed Tris' breasts and pinched at hard nipples. She lifted her head off the bed, took one into her mouth, suckling it hard.

"Fuck." Tris rammed into Jeanine hard, and the older woman's head fell back to the bed.

"Tris!" Jeanine felt every nerve ending fire and her head started to spin.

The brunette lowered herself even further meeting Jeanine's full breasts. She kissed them and sucked them greedily. She left bite marks around the edges and pink nipples swollen with desire.

Jeanine wound her fingers into brown hair and pulled Tris into a searing kiss.

Tris' body lurched forward and she planted her feet. She pushed herself into Jeanine, her eyes never leaving her face and started to fuck her at an unyielding pace, driving her cock harder, deeper, faster.

Their breasts slid together and Jeanine's loud moans filled the room as Tris drilled into her with all her strength.

"AHH!" Perfect nails dug into Tris' lower back as Jeanine tried to pull her in even tighter. The brunette sunk her teeth into Jeanine's shoulder, grunting with the force it took to fuck her lover senseless.

"Oh Tris… Oh! I know you're close… I can feel you. I'm ready... I'm ready," Jeanine panted.

Tris fucked Jeanine at a frantic pace - harder, faster, completely. She slammed inside, once, twice, her balls tightened and her head swam.

"Ohhh!" Jeanine's back lifted off the bed as a million bright lights exploded behind her closed her eyes.

Tris slammed into Jeanine one last time and exploded inside her.

Jeanine was breathless through her orgasm. Her toes curled, and she pulled Tris close. Tris kissed Jeanine hard, twisting her tongue inside of her mouth as they rode out the waves of their orgasms together.

They laid there for a while, their muscles twitching and their lungs panting for air.

Tris pulled out and rolled over on her back, her body slick with sweat. She closed her eyes and brought her hand up to her forehead in an attempt to slow the spinning in her head. When she opened her eyes she turned her head to see Jeanine doing the same thing. The back of her hand rested against her forehead, her lips parted, a thin layer of sweat covering her upper lip, and her chest falling and rising in an unsteady rhythm as she waited for her heart rate to slow.

Tris laid in silence and watched Jeanine recover and a smile made it's way over her lips. _She's not pretty, that word is too small. She is unlike anyone I have known before. She is smart, she is strong, and her bright eyes demand attention. Looking at her is like waking up... Since I was young, I have always known: life damages us, every one. We can't escape that damage. But now, I'm also learning this: we can be mended, we mend each other._

"I love you."

Jeanine's expression twisted into a scowl and she turned her head to face Tris. "What?"

"I can't explain it… Not yet. But it's the truth." Tris swallowed hard as Jeanine's eyes burned into her.

The Erudite leader pursed her lips and her eyebrows furrowed together. "That's not possible."

Tris rolled over so she was laying on her side, facing Jeanine. "I love you."

"Don't say that." Jeanine snarled and threw the bed sheet back, disappearing into the bathroom.

Tris sighed heavily and fell back onto the bed. She ran her fingers through her hair and pressed her palm to her forehead where a headache was brewing. The sound of running water came from the bathroom and she slowly climbed out of bed to get dressed. When she was fully clothed she turned to leave, but something stirred low in her stomach and she knew she had to say what was on her mind. She turned on her heels and made her way to the bathroom door.

"Jeanine?" She knocked on the door. There was no reply. "Listen, I'm sorry if I scared you… I used to think that when people fell in love, they just landed where the landed, and they had no choice in the matter afterward. And maybe that's true of the beginning, but it's not true of this, now. We both have war inside of us. And I know we're different, but we're also the same...I understand why you would be afraid. It's hard to have faith…" Tris heard the water turn off and she swallowed hard.

"Faith is a luxury I can't afford." Jeanine's voice was scratchy as it echoed through the door.

"And so is love?"

"Yes," Jeanine's voice was quiet, but sure.

"Well then I guess I'll just have to love you enough to make you believe."

* * *

This little drabble was inspired by a request and I hope you enjoyed it! :)


	18. Maybe I'll Call it Tris

I stand the length of the room away and chew at the inside of my cheek. I watch his hand reach out and incircle her waist, pulling her close. I look away and take a drink of champagne. Tonight is a night to celebrate. We finally have peace among the factions. Everyone is happy, everyone is relieved… Everyone except me.

My mind plays through memories of late night meetings and hours of strategic planning. She was always there, every late night, every early morning, she was there. The Divergent girl who turned my world upside down. Every night she showed up at my office, albeit sometimes half asleep, and offered her help in planning the war for peace. Rather than turning me away or casting me out, she sat with me. She stayed at my side through meetings and intense debates between the faction leaders, always voicing her opinion and asking for mine.

Then there were the sporadic lunches. I would tell my assistant I was going to lunch, only to be informed Tris had penciled herself in. She would always have something to tell me, and invariably come up with some excuse to stay for the duration of my lunch hour. Our conversations were rarely mundane with the world around us crumbling down. But I soon found a comfortable familiarity in listening to her speak.

She looks over her shoulder and her eyes find mine across the room. Jealousy twists my stomach and I give her the best smile I can manage. Her eyes are big and brown, and they shine with something like an apology. I tilt my head in her direction and lift my glass in a toast. He says something, capturing her attention, and I am left alone with only my thoughts once again.

I consider what it would be like to have my arm around her the way he does. What it would feel like to pull her close and let her rest her head on my shoulder. Or to…

I've considered what it might be like to kiss her more times than I'd care to admit. What it would be like to thread my fingers through her dark hair and steal the air from her lungs… Or how it would feel to wake up next to her…

"Jeanine?"

I shake my head, pulling myself free of the daydream. "Hum?"

"Are you feeling alright," Johanna asks at my side. "I said you're name a couple of times - you didn't respond."

"Oh I'm sorry Johanna. I was - distracted." My cheeks involuntarily flush with heat and I take a drink of champagne.

Johanna looks at me suspiciously then turns to where I had been staring. "Uh huh." She turns her attention back to me.

"What?" My voice cracks over the word and I clear my throat, straightening my suit coat.

"Oh nothing." She shakes her head but her grin remains. "I just wondered how long it would take you to admit your feelings for her to yourself."

"I have no idea what you're talking out." The words come out in a rush and I take another drink of champagne, though I know it's not helping.

"Okay." Johanna's smile is warm and genuine. "But when you're ready to talk about it - I'll be here."

My eyes wander across the room again and I see Tobias pulling Tris toward the edge of the room. My stomach sinks and I turn away from the room to face Johanna. "You're right."

"I know." Johanna is still smiling softly. "You gonna tell her?"

I take a deep breath and resolve myself, "No…"

"What if she feels the same way?"

I take another sip of my champagne. "She doesn't."

"How do you know?"

"Look at her." I gesture over my shoulder with the champagne flute in my hand.  
"I am." Johanna's gaze travels over my shoulder. "And she's looking at you."

My head snaps up and I turn on my toes, my eyes quickly finding Tris. Tobias leaves her at the edge of the room and she stands facing me - waiting for me.

"Go." Johanna's voice breaks me free of my surprise. I offer her a small smile and quickly cross the room to stand at Tris' side.

"Hi." She smiles at me and my knees feel weak.

"Hello." I give her a lopsided smile and try to organize my thoughts. There is so much I have to say. My eyes travel down her slender frame, "You look beautiful."

She brushes her hands over a fitted white dress and her cheeks turn pink. "Thank you."

She looks up at me. "You look very nice as well."

I feel my own cheeks blush. "Well, you know how I love a good suit." I tease, recalling a detailed conversation we had once shared about my affinity for business suits.

"Yes I do," she grins knowingly.

There is a familiarity in her words, in her voice, and it makes my heart ache for more time. "Are you enjoying the-"  
"-Do you wanna get out of here?"

I look at her surprised. "What about your date?"

"Oh he got called away, some work thing." Tris waves her hand through the air.

"I see… Then yes." My heart clamors excitedly under my shirt.

She grins at me toothily, sets her champagne to the side and slides her arm in under mine. "Lead the way."

I leave my champagne glass on a nearby table and lead Tris to a glass elevator. We get in and she instantly goes to the edge, looking down to see the ground quickly shrink beneath us. My gaze remains on her strong thin frame as we ascend to the top floor of Erudite Headquarters.

Ding! The elevator comes to a halt and the doors open to my penthouse suite.

Tris turns around to see the entry way and part of the living room. "Wow."

A smile spreads over my lips and I outstretch my arm, inviting her into my home. She steps out of the elevator and her heels click against the marble floor. I follow her and the elevator doors close quietly behind me. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Yes please." Tris steps into the living room while I go to the mini bar and pour us both a small glass of bourbon. My eyes linger on her curiously as she explores my home. It's a beautiful suite; dark marble floors, floor to ceiling windows and I have furnished it with only the best furniture and decor.

"This place is…" Tris trails off staring at a tall bronze sculpture.

"Not what you expected," I ask, approaching her from behind.

Tris turns around, "No… But I like it." She smiles warmly and takes the glass of bourbon I offer her. "The view," she turns to look out the large glass windows lining one entire side of the room, "is amazing."

I grin into my glass and take a drink of the bourbon, letting it settle on my tongue before swallowing it down. "You can see every faction from here… Even Amity."

We enjoy the view for a moment longer before Tris shifts her focus to the shiny black grand piano sitting to our left. "Do you play," she asks walking around it.

"Yes."

Her eyes flash up to me. "Will you play something for me?" The hopeful tone of her voice makes my heart leap.

"Sure." I take another drink of my bourbon and settle myself in behind the piano. Tris leans against the open side, resting her forearms on the edge and looking at the strings inside. "What would you like to hear?" I lift the cover, revealing polished black and white keys.

"Surprise me."

I look up to see her smiling at me and my fingers meet the keys gracefully. I begin by playing only a few notes over and over again. I find a steady rhythm and allow myself to relax into it. A beautiful lullaby comes to mind and my fingers find the notes easily. It is quiet and sweet, like a feather drifting in the wind, gently building to a crescendo, falling slowly, then building again just as gently. Tris sits on the bench beside me and my fingers hit the keys with more fervor, finding the high notes and letting them linger. The song builds for a final time and I feel my heart rate rise with it. My hands move of their own will, playing the song with additional notes and extra finesse. The crescendo hits at full speed then falls away into a peaceful, steady rhythm. The lullaby concludes with a few fine notes and my fingers slip from the keys.

"That was beautiful," Tris says reverently. I turn to meet her gaze. "What's it called," she asks, her eyebrows pulling together, a thin line forming in between.

"I don't know yet…" A smile spreads over my lips. "Maybe I'll call it 'Tris'." I watch her lips spread to reveal a white smile. I look up to meet brown eyes and her gaze travels from eyes down to my lips and back again. My heart races frantically in my chest. I lean toward her, our noses barely inches apart.

This was it - the moment of truth.

Tris closes the distance between us, pressing her lips to mine. My eyes fall closed and stars explode in my mind's eye. It's everything I have imagined and more. I kiss her slowly, taking my time. Our lips mold together like they were made for each other. We kiss until we're both panting, completely out of breath.

Our foreheads meet and Tris lets out a breathy a laugh. "I've wanted to do that ever since we met."

I laugh under my breath, "Me too." Our eyes meet and all thought leaves me again. I inhale deeply and hold her gaze before pressing our lips together again. My hands come up to hold her face and I love the way her skin feels. I feel her fingers curl and pull at the collar of my suit jacket.

It's not enough.

I kiss her harder, tilting my head to the side and tracing her lips with my tongue. I ensnare her bottom lip between my teeth and bite it gently. She moans into my mouth and her tongue presses against mine. I open my lips, allowing her inside. Heat rises in me and I tangle my fingers in her hair. She pulls me closer and our breasts brush together.

I will never be able to get enough of this - the way it feels to kiss her, touch her.

My mind spins, unable to form a coherent thought. All I know is Tris. I feel the warmth of her skin, the eagerness of her kiss and the way she tugs at my clothes. We need more.

* * *

Thank you for your reviews and prompts! I love hearing your ideas! :)


	19. Dead in the Water - Part One

**Dead in the Water**

Part One

* * *

"The stiff?" Eric shoved the barrel of his gun against Four's temple. Tris shifted behind him. "Two stiffs." He chuckled menacingly. "Two dead stiffs."

"We can't let a single divergent through." Max promised, holding his ground while taking aim at Tris. "This is what happens."

"She's not gonna shoot me." Eric said confidently, unwilling to back down.

"I think you might be overestimating my character."

Eric turned quickly, grabbing the barrel of Tris' gun. She pulled the trigger and sent a bullet into his thigh. "Ah!" Eric fell to the ground and Four quickly disarmed Max.

"Run!" Tris and Four bolted down the road between the small Abnegation homes. They took out a guard, then a shot was fired from behind catching Tris in the shoulder. Four pulled her between two houses. "You were hit."

"Stay right there don't move!" Dauntless soldiers surrounded the rouge divergents.

"Drop your weapons." Max approached them from behind and they had no choice but to comply.

Handcuffed and heavily guarded, Four and Tris were shoved into one of the Abnegation houses. Immediately, they recognized Erudite members gathered inside. A woman dressed in an oxford blue dress with blonde hair stepped out of the group.

* * *

Oxygen abandon's Tris' lungs, leaving her breathless and waiting. _Jeanine._

"Tobias Eaton." Jeanine's voice is steady as she approaches Four. "And you, Beatrice," she turns to face Trist, "I thought it was intellect I was sensing in you." Her eyes shine with disappointment causing Tris' stomach to falter.

 _I'm sorry..._

"Maybe you're not as smart as you think you are." Four interjects Tris' thought.

Tris looks at him for a moment before her gaze travels back to Jeanine. "Why are you attacking all of these innocent people?"

Jeanine gives her a perplexed look. "Innocent people? Abnegation if left unchecked will destroy the faction system. The same could be said of both of you. Somebody has to stop you. If we don't, peace will be lost."

"It's already been lost," Four argues, "You destroyed it."

"Human nature destroyed it," Jeanine corrects him. "Those of us with the vision to see that are called upon to protect the rest." Her attention turns to Tris again. "We will restore the peace and this time it will last."

"And what if your wrong," Tris questions, capturing the attention of everyone in the room.

Jeanine shifts uneasily in her heels and purse her lips together. _I don't know..._ She recovers quickly, stepping toward Four and planting her feet directly in front of him. The tension between the two is almost suffocating before Jeanine speaks again. "You can get rid of him."

Four lunges forward knocking Jeanine backward and nearly causing her to fall. Two Dauntless guards immediately restrain Four and a third guard kicks him in the back of the knee causing him to fall to the floor.

Jeanine straightens her suit coat and watches with disgust as Four is hauled from the room to be executed. Her attention turns back to see Tris wide-eyed and obviously unsure of what to do. "Bring her with us," Jeanine instructs, then turns on her heels to wrap things up.

Two guards quickly pull Tris from the room and load her into the back seat of a silver SUV. She tugs at her handcuffs uselessly and turns to look out the window. Jeanine steps out of the abnegation house, and Tris easily recognizes the porcelain mask Jeanine has perfected over years of public service.

Head held high with an unwavering gaze, the Erudite leader carries an air of authority with her wherever she goes. Jeanine closes the space between herself and the SUV taking the seat next to Tris. "Let's go."

Tris studies Jeanine more closely. She takes in the rise and fall of smooth ivory , perfectly arched eyebrows rest over focused sky-blue eyes.

Tris had watched Jeanine's eyes change colors before and it was always mesmerizing. One moment they could be ice blue, piercing through anything. And another moment they would be grey-blue, soft with compassion and wisdom.

This sky-blue hue was something Tris had never seen before and she was unable to tear her gaze away.

"I assure you - my appearance has not changed in the two minutes since you last saw me," Jeanine chides, turning to look out the window.

Tris' cheeks blush and she shifts awkwardly in her seat. "You've changed since I first met you." Jeanine turned her attention back to Tris and their eyes locked like magnets. Tris' body trembled under Jeanine's gaze. Something shook deep inside her and goosebumps rose on her skin… "There's something different about you now… When I first met you… When we spoke in your office… There was a conviction in your voice... Now, that conviction is gone. Earlier, when you were giving your little 'holier than thou' speech - I knew better. Something's changed. And when I called you out, you didn't even answer." Jeanine lifted her chin and her gaze traveled away to an unseeable place. The rest of the ride to Erudite was complete silence.

* * *

"Come here." Jeanine's voice is far more quiet than Tris is accustom to hearing. She hesitates for a second then crosses the tile floor to stand by the Erudite Leader's desk. Jeanine pulls a key from her pocket and unlocks Tris' handcuffs.

 _So that's where those went._ Tris rubs at her tense wrists. "Thank you."

Jeanine drops the handcuffs to the surface of her desk with a loud _clank_ , and walks to the corner of the room. "Would you like a drink?"

Tris takes a deep breath and looks around the office. There's nothing really keeping her here. She could leave, walk out the door and make a run for it. Her gaze comes back to Jeanine and curiosity overwhelms her consideration to flee. "Sure."

Jeanine pours the bourbon and gestures for Tris to join her in a small sitting area overlooking Erudite. Tris sits on the opposite end of a cool leather couch and watches Jeanine's porcelain mask start to slip away.

"You were right." Jeanine whispers and takes a drink of her bourbon looking blankly out the large glass wall of her office.

Tris' head tilts slightly to the side in curiosity. She pulls her knee up on the couch so she is sitting sideways, facing Jeanine. "About what?"

Jeanine's shoulders rise with tension then fall when she releases a heavy sigh. "Everything."

Tris studies Jeanine's face again, trying to make out exactly what the Erudite leader is saying. "Tell me," she encourages gently.

"I don't know if I'm doing the right thing." The words come out in a rush and Tris sits stunned in silence for a moment. Jeanine takes another drink of her bourbon and rests the cool glass against her temple, shielding her eyes from Tris' view. _Walk the paths of logic. Every outcome has its cause, and every predicament has its solution._

Tris forces down the lump in her throat and grips the back of the couch hard. There are so many facets to Jeanine, and she had never seen her so open, so exposed and vulnerable. Her heart beats harder in her chest and warmth spreads over her skin. She doesn't understand and she can't even begin to explain it, but an overwhelming need to protect Jeanine posses her heart. "I'm scared too," she whispers, tears building in her eyes.

Jeanine lowers her glass and turns her worried and exhausted gaze to Tris.

Tris inhales shakily and her voice cracks, "I'm scared you're right." Her hands begin to tremble and she curls her lips into a tight line looking at Jeanine through tear-filled eyes. "Maybe… Maybe divergents are what's really wrong with this world."

Blonde eyebrows pull together and Jeanine's blue eyes open wide with unshed tears. "Tris?"

The divergent girl swallows hard and looks at Jeanine from under dark eyelashes. "Yeah."

* * *

So I know I just disconnected from Four/Tobias completely. To be honest, I don't really like him. I try to - it just doesn't really work for me. lol :)

Maybe I'll touch on him in part two... Maybe I won't. Let me know.


	20. Dead In The Water- Part Two

**Dead In The Water**

 **Part 2**

* * *

Jeanine swallowed the lump forming in her throat. "You should know that anything said within these walls is privy to investigation."

Tris' heart hammered in her chest. "Oh."

Jeanine sat her glass down and turned to Tris. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

Tris' lips curled upwards at the corners as a smile slowly appeared on her lips. "Sure."

* * *

"I apologize for the formalities… It's just, when I'm in that office, I am acting as a council member, a faction leader, and I am often constrained by the responsibilities of that position."

Tris nodded her head in silent understanding. Jeanine had lead her outside of Erudite Headquarters and into a nearby arboretum/botanical garden. They walked in near silence for a while, the only sound coming from Jeanine's heels clicking softly with the steady thudding of Tris' boots. "What would you do? Ideally, I mean. If you could do anything about Divergents what would you do?"

Jeanine's mind whirred. There was no logic in this train of thought. It doesn't matter what she thinks. Only the facts, only the evidence matters. "I guess I don't know. I have never considered it before…"

"Maybe you should." Tris challenged gently.

Plump lips curved up in a smile. Jeanine quickly accepted the challenge and responded. "I would study them."

Tris grimaced and subtly added a little more space between herself and Jeanine as they walked. "Study?"

"Yes. I want to understand why divergents are able to belong to more than one faction… And is it a genetic malfunction, a flaw in the coding, or is it an advanced form of evolutionary advancement?"

Tris ducked her head as they walked through An archway. Their hands brushed together and a blush rose in her cheeks. She took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. "Don't most evolutionary advancements begin as a flaw in the genetic code?"

"Yes." Jeanine's reply was soft and it intrigued Tris even further.

"So it's possible that being Divergent is a good thing?" Tris questioned as they stepped into a clearing. The sun was low in the sky and it cast a warm glow to the various plants and trees surrounding them.

"It's possible," Jeanine reassured. She invited Tris to sit with her on a bench overlooking a small waterfall and a shallow river which carries water to the rest of the arboretum.

They sat in silence for a little while, just enjoying the view and appreciating the sounds of nature.

"What are you going to do," Tris asked, worry evident in her voice.

Logic took a backseat to compassion when Jeanine reached out and clasped her hand over Tris'. "... I will make things right. I will fix what is broken, and leave that which is not."

Warmth spread through Tris' body from her hand, to her shoulder, then to her chest and the rest of her body. She felt warm, content, and she relaxed back into the bench a little more.

"Divergence is something we do not fully understand… As with most things we do not understand, we have developed a fear of it." Jeanine's words were gentle, as she stared into the river and tried to process. She started to release Tris' hand, but found there was something too comforting about it to let go.

"Are you afraid," Tris asked, her heart beating harder.

Jeanine scoffed. "Of course not."

Tris looked at her through narrowed eyes and it caused Jeanine to swallow hard.

"There's one…" Jeanine admitted quietly.

Tris furrowed her eyebrows, "Who?" The second the asked, realization dawned on her.

Jeanine lifted her gaze to meet Tris'. The divergent woman drowned in the colors of Jeanine's eyes. Blue, green, grey, they were swirling at a maddening pace.

Tris shuddered under the weight of Jeanine's gaze. She turned her hand over and clasped Jeanine's tightly. "Me," she breathed.

Jeanine's mind was about to short-circuit. This was not logical. It wasn't right to admit to weakness - especially to the person whom you fear the most. This, all of this, was wrong. This should not be happening. She was letting her emotions, her humanity get the best of her. Soft lips pressed to the back of her hand sent a shiver up her arm, and down her spine causing goosebumps to rise in their wake. Her eyes fell closed as a knot formed low in her abdomen.

Tris kissed the top of Jeanine's hand and silently wondered how long it had been since Jeanine had been kissed. When blue-grey eyes opened again Tris' instantly noticed the darkness encroaching into the colors. She unfolded Jeanine's hand and pressed it to her cheek. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not going to hurt you Jeanine."

 _You already have._ Jeanine's heart beat with an intensity and fervor it hadn't experienced in a long time. Her hand was warm against Tris' cheek and she took a deep breath when the physical contact suddenly wasn't enough. She wanted more. A chill ran down her spine - want. It was something she had not felt for a very long time. A primal desire for someone… She took a deep breath and tried to maintain her composure as her cheeks flushed and her eyelids grew heavy.

"Jeanine," the older woman's name was barely a whisper on Tris' lips. Courage mounted in her stomach and she swallowed hard. Dark eyes opened to meet Tris' gaze again and Tris leaned in, pressing her lips to Jeanine's.

The Erudite leader stiffened at first. Tris went slow, she held Jeanine's face in her hands and ran her thumb across Jeanine's lower lip.

Jeanine released a shuddering breath and gave way to the feeling of Tris' lips against her's. The heat, the passion, the overwhelming _feeling._ She wanted Tris. The divergent girl who, by her very existence, threatened everything Jeanine had worked so hard to achieve. She leaned forward and returned Tris' kiss with new-found passion.

 **END.**

* * *

Thank you so much for this prompt! I enjoyed writing this little drabble. I have a big surprise for you all coming pretty soon. I've been working on a Trinine fanvid for the last three months. It is currently 20 minutes long from start to finish! Whew! Lol :)

To the guest who commented on chapter 17 about Tris and Jeanine having reversed rolls - I freaking LOVE this idea! I have not been able to stop thinking about it since I read your suggestion. Just trying to figure out how I am going to present their dynamic and in what atmosphere... Hmmm... Anyway, thank you for the idea, I love it!

Hope you are well. XO - Ashlynn :)


	21. I Get To Love You

NSFW. Love scene.

The way you love, it changes who I am.  
I am undone and I thank God once again.  
I can't believe it's true, sometimes.  
I can't believe it's true.

I get to love you, it's the best thing that I'll ever do.  
I get to love you, it's a promise I'm making to you.

Whatever may come; your heart I will choose.  
Forever I'm yours, forever I do.  
I get to love you, I get to love you.

I drop my bag at the door and step into the living room. Jeanine is on the couch. Her bare feet tucked underneath her, light blue satin pajamas cover most of her skin, while her hair, still damp from the shower, dries into ringlets framing her face. I grin, happy she has decided to let it grow out a little more.

"Darling, I'm so happy you're home," she greets me with a warm smile and the hug I've needed all day. I inhale deeply and hold my breath. Every point of contact between us feels important, a rush of energy and relief.

Her arms wrap around me tightly, and I rest my chin on her shoulder. She holds me close and my breath shudders under the weight of my stress. Her grip remains strong and steady. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and fold into her.

My body goes limp in her embrace and I collapse in her arms. I give her everything. My worries, my stress, my anxiety, I give it all to her and she takes it willingly. I have a home in Jeanine. A refuge, a place where I can find peace. She opens her soul to me and graciously allows me in.

I give her my hopes and my dreams. Not because I need to, but because I want to. I want to share everything, every part of me with her. There is no part of my soul I wish to keep hidden from her. My mistakes, my regrets, I want nothing more than to just be her's.

My fingers curl around the tops of her shoulders and the tense muscles in my back release. I give it over, everything. I give it all to her. I don't pretend, I don't feign pretense. It's real, it's raw, it's human.

She holds me until I've calmed, and keeps me close until I've regained some strength in my legs. Her arms slowly release their hold, and my chest aches with the absence of her warmth, her weight.

When our gazes finally meet, there is only love shining brightly in her eyes. This is home. This is safe.

I recognize each of the colors swirling in her eyes. The forest green, the ocean blue, colliding, combining, to make an intense mixture of soothing grey. The golden flakes that outline her pupils, the way they reflect the light, remind me of the fire which dwells deep inside.

She holds me in her gaze until all my emotions release. Tears spring to my eyes and I step forward, pressing her lips to mine. Her arms circle me again, and I kiss her harder.

I taste her skin, her warmth, her breath. Her exhaled breath fills my lungs. I breathe her into my blood. My fingers thread through her hair, and I pull her even closer. I need her. I need her to overwhelm me, to overtake the storm inside me.

Her hands fall to my lower back and heat pools under her fingertips. I am molten, I am weak, I am pliable and flexible under her gaze. Our hips meet and my bones vibrate with life. She presses into me and I spread my feet wide. I need this.

She presses her body into mine. Our hips meet, our breasts stroke each other. A moan escapes in my breath, echoing against her lips. I tilt my head back and give her control of the kiss. She takes her time, kissing my lips, my throat, and whispering against the shell of my ear. Heat rises inside of me and my hips buck forward into her. Please Jeanine.

Her hands lift me from the floor and I wrap my legs around her waist. She carries me from the living room, down the hall, into our bedroom. Moonlight spills in through sheer curtains and casts the faintest amount of light over our purple and white duvet.

She murmurs words of love and acceptance as she sits me on the bed and unbuttons my clothes. I shudder under her nimble touch and my muscles go taut with desire. Touch me.

Her pajamas meet the floor and she is naked on top of me. Her skin, warm and smooth, rests atop mine as we begin the dance as old as time. She breathes into me and I hold my breath. I need her all over me, inside of me. Consume me.

Our kisses grow in fervor and intensity. I stroke her skin gently. My fingers trace the muscles of her back, the curvature of her spine and the length of her sides. I have every part of her memorized and I envision her skin behind my closed eyes. Take me.

My hands palm her full breasts and she lifts her body over me. I peek up at her through heavy eyes. Her lips open, her cheeks flush, blonde curls fall all around, and her eyes are locked on mine. My soul shakes inside and I break under her gaze. Tears fall unabashedly from my eyes and I lift my head to meet her lips. It's desperate, it's pleading, and I cling to her with all the strength left in me. I love you.

"Please." I beg her through tear filled eyes and muffled cries. She kisses me harder with tear filled eyes. Her hand slowly slides between my legs and my body shudders in anticipation. Make love to me Jeanine.

She is slow, steady, gentle and easy. Her breath hitches in my ear when she finds the center of my desire. Break me.

She circles a few times, her fingers travel up and down gathering my arousal. She kisses me fiercely and pushes two fingers into me. Fire burns through me, every nerve brought to life. I feel her enter me and my eyes fall closed. My body expands willingly and I breathe her in. She kisses me fervently and I feel her hot tears splash against my cheeks. Yes.

In breaking me, in filling me, in making love to me, she also breaks herself. She takes down her walls, bares her soul and moves inside of me, through me, with all the love her soul and body contains. She fills me completely. Jeanine.

She presses herself against me, moving deep inside of me. My back arches from the bed and my chest brushes her's. Our lips meet again and she rests her forehead against mine. It's time.

Her fingers slide out of me and push in again. My legs widen for her instinctively and my nails dig into her skin. I need you.

She repeats the process, stretching me again and again. I rise to meet her embrace and she wraps her arm under me, her fingers never ceasing. She strokes me, slowly, then faster, rougher. Her face falls to the crook of my neck and she pants against me. Her fingers move hard and fast as she continues fucking me. Her pace is unrelenting. Her body presses down on me. She fills me completely. My toes curl and she slams inside of me. Her thumb finds my clit and she presses against it. Fuck me.

"Come for me," she rasps, and crooks her fingers inside. My body curls, twists, and snaps tight as she sends me in ecstasy.

"Jeanine." I breathe her name as I peak. My orgasm washes through me hard and fast. Her name is the only word to escape my lips. She is everywhere inside of me. She is the blood in my veins, the face behind my closed eyes, the only word I know how to say. She is everything. Jeanine.

She stays buried inside me, my muscles clench and quiver as she helps me come down from the high. I listen to my heartbeat pounding in my ears, and the sound of Jeanine's labored breathing. She lifts her head from my shoulder and kisses me again. I lift my heavy arms and brush my thumbs over her cheeks. Thank you. Thank you for loving me.

She slowly removes her fingers from inside me and I sigh deeply. She slides them over my sensitive nipples and lowers herself to suck them clean. My breath hitches and I wind my fingers in her hair, holding her there. She sucks hard and pinches my nipple between her teeth. She repeats the process on the other side and grins up at me salaciously. I pull her into a kiss and let out a gravily moan when I taste myself on her lips. We kiss languidly and Jeanine rests her body atop mine. Happy.

"I love you," I whisper against swollen lips.

She smiles me down at me, "I love you too." I brush back the hair from around her face and lift my head to kiss her again.

She is everything I'll ever want, everything I'll ever need. Jeanine.

"What," she asks gently, sliding her other arm under me, holding me. My fingertips glide gently up and down along her spine, causing her to shiver above me.

I love you more than you'll ever know. More than words could say, more than music could ever express or art could ever show. I love you beyond measure. Beyond time and space and life and death. My love for you knows no limits, no bounds. I will love you forever.

I grin up at her and plant my foot against the bed. I take a deep breath and turn us over so I'm on top, holding her. "It's my turn."

They say love is a journey, I promise that I'll never leave.  
When it's too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me.  
I get to love you, I get to love you,  
 **I get to love you.**

* * *

This is quite possibly the most romantic thing I've ever written. I know it's cheesy and corny, but I actually teared up a few times while writing it. I'm such a hopeless romantic. :)

If anyone is interested, the song I used is I Get To Love You by Ruelle.

I do want to apologize for any typos you may find in my work. Most of these are typed on my phone and well, we all know how auto-correct can be. lol - Ashlynn :)


	22. It's All Coming Back To Me Now

**It's All Coming Back To Me Now**

Rated T for language.

* * *

"Jeanine is still waiting for you." My assistant, Andrea, reminds me.

I take a deep breath a nod my head silently. I haven't seen Jeanine for over a year. My thumb rubs against my left ring finger, the empty place my wedding band used to be. I swallow the lump in my throat and chew on my lower lip. I shouldn't be this nervous. It's not unheard of for ex's to see each other from time to time. I snicker to myself. _Of course, not everyone has Jeanine Matthews for their ex-wife either._

"You can show her in."

Andrea nods and turns on her heels to open my office door. "Ms. Prior will see you now," I hear her say through the doorway. I take a deep breath and stand behind my desk. My heart beats harder in my chest and the fluorescent light bulbs seem to be brighter than ever before. My hands start to shake and I ball them into fists before forcing them to relax again.

"Thank you Andrea." _God that voice._ I don't even have to open my eyes to know who that voice belongs to. It's the voice I clung to for years. I know it's pitch, it's rhythm and timber. I know what it's like soft and quiet, or loud and commanding. I know that voice. I know what it's like to hear it soften, stifle, moan and then break. _I've missed that voice._ My stomach sinks and I take a deep breath, my heart hammers harder in my chest.

"Beatrice." It's all I can do to keep my eyes open when Jeanine says my name. It's been so long since I've heard her say my name. It shouldn't effect me the way it does, but it still makes my knees go weak and my heart skip a beat. The next thing I know, she is standing in front of me.

Jeanine tilts her head slightly, as though she's giving me a thorough once-over. "It's been too long." I can tell she's trying to gauge my reaction, trying to figure out how this interaction will proceed.

"It's just Tris now," I hear myself say.

"Tris," Jeanine tries out my newly taken name, her eyes never leaving me. "I like that." She extends her hand to me. I see it for what it is, a formal greeting. But with a history like ours, it feels entirely inadequate. I briefly touch my palm to her's, unwilling to let too much physical contact occur.

"Please." I gesture for her to take a seat opposite me. For a second I had considered offering a more comfortable spot in the sitting area, but I want to stay behind my desk. Call it a security blanket, or whatever you want, but I need something to help ground me.

"How can I help you," I ask, getting straight to the point and trying to not think too much about the familiarity of her features - and how I still have them memorized.

"Oh yes," she says distractedly.

I grin internally, happy I am not the only one slightly unbalanced by this whole thing. Her blue eyes flash up to mine and I lose my breath for a second. So determined, so confident and knowing. It feels like she can see right through me, just as she did years ago. I chill runs down my spine and I swallow hard.

"Full disclosure, Tris. I had some research done about your past year, so going into this conversation, I do know certain things." She cracks a smile and I shift uncomfortably in chair. "Nothing dirty though," she arches her eyebrow and it's hard not to smile. "...I know about Tobias." Quick as lightning, her features tighten into a serious expression. "I'm sorry Tris."

 _Me too._ I think about Tobias, and our time together. He had helped me in Dauntless, stood by my side through the war, and been a good friend up to the end. It came to as a surprise to everyone when he lost his life out on a midnight patrol. Apparently, Tobias had walked into an unexplored field which turned out to be filled with landmines. I shudder at the thought.

"Are you okay," Jeanine's voice is soft, soothing, and I close my eyes letting her concern wrap around my heart like an overdue hug.

"Yes." I take a deep breath and open my eyes. It's strange to sit across from her like this, strange to have so much common history with her, while as the time went by, we've become so estranged. I nod and fold my arms together on the desk in front of me. "You're at a considerable advantage here Jeanine, seeing as you've done your homework and I have no idea what you've been up to over the past year."

"You know I always like to be prepared Bea-Tris." My jaw tightens, it amazes me that she is so comfortable addressing me like she used to - when she still had the right to. "But you're right," she continues and my eyebrow arches in surprise. _Me, right? Since when?_ "I've been planning this trip for a while… To be honest," Jeanine looks down at her hands, "I was kind of nervous about it."

I release a laugh under my breath. But the longer I sit and look at her, the more I am reminded of the Jeanine I knew years ago. She still carries that confidence, that pompous air, but there is also a quiet side, a part of her that she always kept hidden from prying eyes. She looks exactly the same, apart from the dark circles under her eyes and the long blonde ringlets now framing her face. No greying hairs gracing her temples, no sign of slacking skin anywhere I can see. She's hardly changed. She's still as beautiful as the day I met her.

"I wish…" She trails off and looks everywhere except at me. "I wish things could have been different for us." My heart lurches in my chest at her confession.

"Me too…" I stare down at my desk. "But nothing is simple when so much love is at stake." The words fall unfiltered from my mouth before I have time to consider what I am saying.

"I know, but at the time, it was the only choice we had, I hope you can see that now."

"Pshh." I shake my head. "It wasn't the only choice. It was just the choice _you_ made."

Jeanine leans forward in her chair, eyebrows furrowed, eyes intense. "Don't give me that shit. You know the terms we were faced with. I made the best choice for both of us."

"Bullshit! You made the choice for both of us. I didn't even have an option. It wasn't a matter of 'best' or 'worst'. We could've made it work. But instead, you made the choice for both of us. It didn't matter what my opinion was. You didn't even ask!"

Jeanine's eyes burn with a rebuttal. But instead of launching us into a full blown debate, she runs her tongue over her front teeth. I know she is swallowing her words. My cheeks burn with frustration and I chew on the inside of my cheek. The room is silent for a long moment before Jeanine speaks.

"We were right for each other on so many levels, Tris."

I look up to see her eyes far away, lost in some unseeable place. "Yet here we are, sitting in my office like strangers." Jeanine may have been the Erudite leader, but when it comes to arguing, I can easily match her - always could.

"I wish it didn't have to be like that," she whispers looking back at me, her eyes softer and her shoulders slumped in defeat. "I wish you didn't feel the need to be so defensive around me."

"Oh that's rich, especially coming from the woman who broke through my walls faster and with more intensity than I could have ever dreamed possible." Flashes of our history play through my mind's eye - how she held me when I cried, made me laugh and made me smile. How she undid me completely, made me her's and her's alone. I shift in my chair, I had done my best to push those thoughts from my mind, but the memories were crystal clear. "I had no choice but to build them back up again after…" I can't even finish the sentence, the words are like poison on my tongue.

"I couldn't stay Tris… I wanted to… But I couldn't. I couldn't put you through that…"

The sincerity in her voice hurts more than I had expected. I take a deep breath, and lean back in my chair. Part of me does understand. Part of me understands that she thought she was protecting me. And she did protect me, but the cost was far too high. "Are you uh-" _I can't believe I'm asking this_ , "-seeing someone?"

"No." Jeanine's reply is swift and sure. "I haven't…um…" She shuffles her feet and clears her throat. "I haven't seen anyone since we…"

My eyes go wide. "No one?"

Jeanine shakes her head. "No... No one could ever begin to compare."

Her eyes shine with raw sincerity and truth rendering me completely speechless. I sit there for a moment, unable to form a coherent thought. It was things like that, when she would say things like that, it just made me love her more. I rub at my empty left ring finger again. Empty.

"Regrets?" I manage to whisper. In many ways, my story is the same as Jeanine's, but perhaps for different reasons. After she left, I threw myself into the stabilization and reformation of the new faction system. The crazy whirlwind of life in Chicago had captured my attention. Anytime I found myself thinking about her I pushed that energy into my work.

Jeanine shrugs in reply to my half-hearted question. "I regret that I hurt you. But not that I did what I thought was best to protect you…I should have held you tighter."

"You never tried to save us." My voice is half question, half accusation.

Jeanine sighs, "I did… I tired. I tried everything I could think of. Days, weeks passed, I only wanted you. I wanted things to work out between us. It just wasn't meant to be… There were too many things, too many voices, all shouting their opposition. I couldn't put you through that. I couldn't ask you to go through that."

"I would have." I reply simply. "You wouldn't have had to ask."

Jeanine shifts her feet. "I know. But I thought it would be better this way… Anyway, you have created quite the name for yourself. You have unified the factions, something I was never able to do while I was in power."

"Yeah…" I look down at my hands then back to Jeanine. "But I would have rather done it with you at my side."

"I suppose that comes with the territory of breaking up… I would have only held you back Tris. Everyone was convinced I had something to do with the bureau and Evelyn's revolt… It was better this way. You could be free to influence people and state without my reputation getting in the way."

I notice her eyes are starting to shine with unshed tears and her voice has become raspy. "I suppose so." I miss the way it felt to hold her hand in mine. When we were together, we were invincible.

"I for one, am very happy to see you are doing so well for yourself Tris… And don't, not even for a split second, think it didn't hurt me every bit as much as it did you."

Goosebumps rise on my skin and I nod my head silently. I watch Jeanine stand from her chair and pull at the end of her blazer. "I believe my time is up. I'll have to coordinate another appointment with your assistant to discuss the actual meaning of my visit."

"Oh." I stand up from behind my desk and notice it is a little past one. "Would you like to join me for lunch," I ask before I even consider my arrangements, or rather, lack of.

Jeanine turns her head to the side, "Are you sure? I don't want to impose."

"Of course, please."

"...Okay."

* * *

I have been wanting to write a Trinine post-relationship scene for a long time. Hope you liked it!

And yes, I got the title from the Celine Dion song :)

cubriken34 - You made my day! Thank you! xo - Ashlynn :)


	23. Erudite University

Thank you TrisnineBR for this prompt! Hope you like it! :)

I totally swiped these scenes from the movie Bloomington and put a Trinine twist on them :)

* * *

Tris climbed the last step to the top floor of the University Hall and looked both ways. _612… 612…_ She looked at the panel on the wall: Rooms 600-620. She turned down the hall in the direction the panel pointed and her eyes instantly locked onto blonde hair and navy blue material. _Jeanine._ She watched as the older woman struggled to balance her arms full of books and get her key in the door.

"Here, let me help you with that." Tris slid her hands under the books and tried to ignore the fact that her fingers were pressed against Jeanine's.

"Thanks." The blonde quickly unlocked the door and led Tris inside. She dropped her bag on the edge of her desk. "It's funny how these people can afford tuition but not manners."

"So I've noticed," Tris halfheartedly joked.

"You can set those over here." Jeanine pointed to the corner of her desk and Tris slid the stack of books on carefully.

Jeanine started to sort the books and Tris took a moment to look around the Erudite Leader's office. "Is this a projector or a camera," she asked looking at an older piece of equipment. She hadn't taken Jeanine to be someone to hold on to old technology.

"Hm, sorry," Jeanine turned around to see Tris pointing at the object in question.

"This."

"Oh uh, neither it's an ECT machine circa 1940." The blonde looked back down at the book in her hand.

"E-C-T? So it's a replica?"

"No, it's the real thing."

"Cool." Tris looked back at the old machine newly fascinated. "Where'd you find it?"

Jeanine looked up from her book at the inquisitive brunette. "I stole it."

Tris whirled around to face Jeanine with an eyebrow arched in surprise. "Huh, who would have guessed." She grinned, sated with the idea that Jeanine Matthews was not little-miss-perfect after all. She turned her attention back to the machine, "E-C-T huh? Is it for recording something?"

Jeanine grinned wickedly and sat her book to the side. "No it's for shocking people -" Tris took a half step back from the machine and Jeanine almost laughed. "- Electroconvulsive therapy."

"Why would you do that," Tris asked instantly appalled.

"It's a form of treatment," Jeanine replied simply.

"Does this one work," Tris asked newly cautious of the machine.

Jeanine's heels clicked against the tile as she lessened the space between herself and Tris. "I don't know… I haven't used it in a while." She propped her hand up on her hip looking at Tris expectantly.

Tris swallowed hard and eyed the door. "Okay, I uh, gotta go to class now."

Jeanine nodded her head in understanding and did her best to hold back her grin. "Have fun."

"Okay." Tris quickly turned and left Jeanine's office in a rush. The Erudite Leader chuckled to herself and closed her office door.

* * *

Christina sighed dramatically, "I don't know why we even come to these things anymore."

"Because it's good to introduce ourselves and meet people," Tris reasoned aloud. She looked around the mixer and noticed several of her fellow classmates mingling with their professors.

"Hey look," Christina whispered conspiratorially, elbowing Tris in the side.

"Ow-"

"Look!"

Tris' gaze followed Christina's nod and her heart skipped a beat. _Jeanine._ The Erudite Leader enters the room and is instantly swarmed with professors and students.

"That's why you insisted on coming isn't it," Christina growled beneath her breath.

"I had no idea she would be here!" The high-pitch to Tris' voice was more than enough for Christina to know she is lying.

"Oh come on Tris. You've had a crush on her for what… Two years now?"

 _Five is more like it, but yeah sure, we'll go with two._ "Yeah… So?"

"So you're about to graduate, about to leave the school."

Tris furrowed her brows together and her eyes squinted in wonder, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm just sayin'" Christina shrugged her shoulders. "If you're gonna do somethin' you better get to doin' it."

Tris nearly spit out her drink at the double entendre Christina had implied. "Okay, enough… Geeze."

"I'm just callin' it like it is," Christina grinned knowingly and Tris blushed bright pink. Her eyes wandered across the room - back to Jeanine. The crowd around her had lifted and she was finally talking to just one person.

"Go say hi," Christina encouraged.

Tris swallowed hard and rubbed her lips together. She took a deep breath and finished what liquid courage was left in her cup.

She felt like she was walking through knee deep sand as she slowly made her way across the room and to Jeanine. Halfway there and the older woman looked up to meet her gaze. Tris' heart thumped vigorously in her chest and she tried to close the gap between them faster. Three seconds later someone else had monopolized Jeanine's attention and Tris felt like she was in quicksand. Her heart sank as she watched another professor speak animatedly with Jeanine. She stood still for a moment, before turning around and weaving her way through the crowd and out of the room. She disappeared around the corner and leaned back against the cool concrete wall in the hallway. Her eyes fell closed and she took a couple of deep breaths. A few minutes passed before the tell-tale sound of heels clicking against tile rang in her ears.

"What are you doing hiding back here?" Jeanine's voice was soft, and Tris took another deep breath even though her heart picked up it's pace again.

"I'm not hiding."

"You're supposed to be mingling," Jeanine chided, dipping her head in Tris' direction.

Tris looked down and kicked her shoe against the floor. "Sorry."

"S'okay." Jeanine rested her shoulder against the wall. "These mixers are more boring than the classes anyway." They both let out a breathy laugh and Jeanine pushed off the wall offering Tris her hand. "I don't think we were formally introduced, Jeanine Matthews."

Tris shook Jeanine's hand and smiled, "Tr-"

"-Wait don't tell me." Jeanine interrupted lifting her hands to her temples animatedly. "... You are, Andrew Prior's daughter… Beatrice."

"It's just Tris now."

"Tris," Jeanine repeated, "I like that." Tris couldn't hide her grin of satisfaction.

Jeanine reached out and pushed the collar of Tris' shirt to the side revealing the rest of her tattoo. "An impressive choice… A symbol for your family no doubt."

Tris' smile faded a little bit as the warmth of Jeanine's touch spread from the black inked birds just below her collarbone. A warm tingling feeling spread through her body making her head fuzzy. Jeanine's slender fingers left her chest and tucked stray hairs behind her ear. Tris' eyelids suddenly felt heavy as Jeanine closed the space between them and pressed their lips together. Tris' head swam as their lips met again and again, gently, softly, until they finally parted.

"Are you okay," Jeanine whispered as she leaned back and let her hand slip from Tris' hair.

The brunette was speechless. She merely nodded her head and gave Jeanine a lopsided smile.

"Do you want to come home with me?"

Tris' eyes flew open wide, "What?"

"I believe it's a pretty straight forward question Ms. Prior." Jeanine's voice had dropped to a sultry tone that nearly had Tris on her knees.

"Yes… I mean, yes."

Jeanine intertwined their fingers and pulled Tris toward the back exit.

* * *

To be continued?

To The Guest who responded asking why Tris and Jeanine got divorced in the last drabble... I hope they never get divorced! I want them to always have a happy ending! But, that was my take on what it would be like if they did. It was my intention to show that Jeanine had left Tris. And had hoped that by leaving, she would also remove any negative social stigma attached to her, giving Tris the opportunity to start new and make a name for herself. I also intentionally left it open-ended, so there would be a possibility for them to get back together! :) Thank you for your response, I love hearing your thoughts and I hope this explained it a little. - Ashlynn :)


	24. The Faction of Your Choosing

**The Faction of Your Choosing**

"100 years ago after the war our founders created a system to end conflict and establish peace. Today aptitude testing, based on your personality, will assign you to one of the factions. While it is our belief that choosing the faction indicated by your test is the best way to ensure success within the faction system, it is your right at the choosing ceremony, to choose any of the five factions regardless of your test results. However, once the choice has been made, there will be no change permitted."

Today, I am going to choose my faction. Am I Erudite, Amity, Candor, Dauntless,or will I remain Abnegation?

My aptitude test, the test that was supposed to tell me which faction to choose, who I am, and where I belong, came back inconclusive. Abnegation, Erudite, Dauntless all three came back. So now, I have to choose.

My mother's words echo in my mind as I follow her into the auditorium, "Children defect for all kinds of reasons." Is that what I am? Defective? Broken? What does that even mean?

I take a deep breath and look around the auditorium. People from all of the factions sit in their assigned areas. Dauntless, Candor, Erudite, Amity, Abnegation. Each faction is in attendance.

Then I see her, the Erudite faction leader, Jeanine Matthews. Her dark blue suit stands in stark contrast to her ivory skin and light blonde hair. She makes her way down the stairs, watchful blue eyes scanning the crowd.

"Good morning Jeanine."

"Good morning Andrew. How is Marcus holding up?"

"As well as can be expected."

"We need to find out who's behind these rumors."

"I think we all know who it is," my mother interjects.

"If it's someone from Erudite, I promise I'll find out who." She turns to my brother, Caleb and I and her voice becomes lighter. "These are your children, I don't think I knew they were choosing today." She turns her attention to my brother and extends her hand to him. "What's your name?"

"I'm-I'm Caleb, it's a pleasure to meet you." My brother's grin takes up nearly his entire face as they shake hands.

"Jeanine Matthews." Then she turns her gaze to me, "And you are?" The words die in my chest under the racing of my heart and I swallow hard.

"This is Beatrice," Caleb fills in. Jeanine smiles at me and my hands start to feel clammy. I'm relieved when she only nods in my direction.

"You both have a big decision to make today. I'm sure your parents will support whatever choice you make."

Suddenly, I find my voice. "It's not supposed to be a choice. The test should tell us what to do." Jeanine looks at me quizzically, and I feel a blush start to rise from the back of my neck.

"You're still free to choose," she reasons, her attention now solely focused on me.

I tilt my head to the slightly to the side. "But you don't really want that."

"Beatrice," my brother scolds me.

Jeanine takes a step closer and my very own thoughts suffocate me. Her blue eyes meet mine and I am suspended in her gaze.

"I want you to choose who truly you are and where you truly belong-"

Her voice cuts through me like deadly bullets and I bite down on my lower lip.

"-Not on a whim. Not because you wish you were someone you're not, but because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely, and I know you will." She offers me a small smile and turns her attention back to my parents. I barely hear them exchange a quick goodbye as Jeanine's words replay over and over in my mind.

"Beatrice?" My mother's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Are you alright?" I nod my head and she puts her arm around my shoulder. We find seats in the Abnegation section and Jeanine takes the stage.

"The faction system is a living being composed of cells, all of you. And the only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place-"

I take a deep breath. I don't even know what that means right now. I didn't ask for this. Everything is turned around. The test was supposed to tell me which faction to choose, not which one of three!

"-The future belongs to those who know where they belong."

I sit in silence as Marcus Eaton, Abnegation's leader, takes the stage. "When we leave this room, you will no longer be dependents, but full fledged members of our society. Faction before blood."

The auditorium repeats his last mantra and my mother reaches over to old my hand. I look up at her and wonder: could she know?

"I love you, no matter what." Her soft voice brings a smile to my face and I squeeze her hand tightly.

Marcus begins to call out names for people to come down to the stage and choose their new faction. My heart starts to beat faster in my chest and I let go of my mother's hand. I purse my lips together in a tight line and Jeanine's voice fills my mind. " _I want you to choose who you truly are, and where you truly belong. Not on a whim. Not because you wish you were someone you're not, but because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely, and I know you will."_

I close my eyes and consider each of the three factions I am applicable for. Dauntless: they're our protectors, our soldiers, our police. I've always thought they were amazing. Brave, fearless, and free. Some people think Dauntless are crazy, which… They kind of are. Erudite: they're the one's who value knowledge and logic, they know everything. Then there's Abnegation, we lead a simple life: selfless, dedicated to helping others, we're in charge of the government, and my father works alongside our leader, Marcus. I think of my family, of what it would be like to leave them and possibly never see them again. My heart sinks in my chest and I open my eyes again.

"Caleb Prior." Marcus calls out my brother's name and he stands from his seat. I watch my parents smile in anticipation - they are sure he will choose Abnegation. My gaze travels back to the stage where I watch my brother make a cut in the palm of his hand to draw blood. Without hesitation, he holds his fist over the water bowl symbolizing Erudite and lets a drop of blood fall in it. Instantly I look to my parents. Their faces are in complete shock as they watch Caleb take a seat with Erudite.

"Beatrice Prior." This time Marcus calls my name and I feel like I might faint. I swallow hard and stand from my seat on wobbly legs. I step past my mother and father who each give me the lightest touches of encouragement. I keep my eyes trained on the floor as I make my way down the stairs and onto the stage. When I reach the center of the stage I draw in a ragged breath and stare at the bowls in front of me. My entire life, my future, will be decided right here, right now.

I look back over my right shoulder and see my mother and father trying to keep their tears at bay. My mom gives me a small smile and I turn my head away. My eyes wander over each of the bowls and pick up the dagger at my side. I inhale sharply and wince as I drag the blade across the palm of my hand. I ball my hand into a fist and set the dagger back down. I take a deep breath and look over my left shoulder to see the Dauntless section. I could be like them. I could be one of them. I could be Dauntless.

My eyes wander over to Erudite and I find my brother's brown eyes. I bite down on my lower lip. Could I really leave my parents all alone? Could I ever feel at home somewhere else? Blonde hair catches my eye and I meet Jeanine's cool, calm gaze. I inhale shakily and she nods her head subtly. Warmth spreads from my chest, through my body all the way to my toes. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. I turn back around to face the bowls, and take another deep breath. My smile only grows as I hold my hand over the bowl and let my blood fall in.

"Erudite."

* * *

RavenDelacroix- Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! You made my day! Welcome to the Trinine fandom :) Much love - Ashlynn :)


	25. When You Kiss Me

NSFW. Mature/Explicit. Tris G!P

* * *

Jeanine folded her umbrella and slid it into its holder by the front door. Her heels echoed against the hardwood as she untied her long black raincoat and hung it in the hall closet.

Tris crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the foyer wall as she watched Jeanine. "That's a good look on you."

The blonde stepped out of the closet, her hair damp and her feet soaked. "What?"

"Wet." Tris grinned and bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Jeanine laughed and shook her head. "You're so corny."

The brunette shrugged her shoulders and pushed off the wall closing the space between them. "It's part of my charm." She watched a smirk form on Jeanine's lips and wrapped her arms around her waist.

The Erudite leader took a deep breath and lifted her arms to rest on Tris' shoulders. She held familiar brown eyes in her gaze and the taut muscles of her shoulders relaxed. "I missed you today."

Thin lips widened to reveal white teeth as Tris grinned, "I missed you too."

Jeanine leaned close so their eyes met and she brushed her lips against Tris'. The action was full of love, abd spoke volumes of Jeanine's intentions. Tris shifted forward more, wanting more. Jeanine sucked on Tris''s probing tongue gently.

Tris watched Jeanine's eyes darken with desire and arousal swept through her. She pressed her fingers into Jeanine's back, pulling their bodies flush together. Dark blue eyes fell closed and Jeanine released a heavy sigh against Tris' lips. "I really need to get out of these clothes."

"I think I can help with that," Tris grinned and cupped Jeanine's face in her hands, kissing her fervently. Jeanine's arms wound tighter around Tris' neck and she raised up on her tiptoes, pushing their bodies together even more.

Tris' muscles twinged with life and easily counterbalanced Jeanine's movements. She deepened their kiss and felt the evidence of her arousal brushing against the curvature of Jeanine's thigh. Long thin fingers wound into her hair and Jeanine gave a strong tug. Tris winced a little, breaking the kiss and leaning back.

Jeanine gave her a sly look full of lust, "Take me to bed Tris."

Tris' entire body vibrated with Jeanine's request. She nodded and placed a quick kiss to Jeanine's forehead. Small water droplets littered the hardwood floor from Jeanine's soaked heels.

Plump lips attacked thin as they crossed the threshold of the bedroom. Jeanine pinned Tris to the wall and crashed their lips together. She ensnared Tris' lower lip and tugged on it sending a maddening wave of heat through Tris' body.

Tris fought against it for a moment before raw need surged through her blood and she hoisted Jeanine up from the floor. She spun them around and slammed the blonde against the wall, kissing her hard and digging her fingers into smooth thighs.

The air left Jeanine's lungs as she panted into the kiss. Her sex pulsed with anticipation at Tris' aggression and she let out a throaty moan. "I want you," she whispered pushing her hips into Tris.

Tris growled and sunk her teeth into Jeanine's neck causing the older woman to scream. She drug her tongue up and down the porcelain skin and sucked at Jeanine's needy pulse point.

The older woman shivered at the ministrations and her head slammed back against the wall. "Tris."

The brunette's heart raced at the sound of her name and she felt her arousal growing uncomfortably large in her pants. She wrapped her hands under Jeanine's ass and stepped away from the wall letting the blonde down when they reached the edge of the bed.

When Jeanine's feet touched the floor she kissed Tris again and hooked her fingers in the younger woman's shirt, pulling over her head. Her eyes met familiar tanned skin and she ran the back of her fingers over tight abs.

Tris shivered under the ministrations, her eyes never leaving Jeanine's as the older woman memorized her skin again.

Delicate fingers slid up her sides and over the smooth material of her sports bra. Jeanine palmed Tris' pert breasts and squeezed them tightly.

Tris' heavy eyelids fell closed and her knees felt weak. She clung to Jeanine's shoulder blades until the blonde decided to show her mercy. When her eyes opened she kissed Jeanine fiercely and quickly found the zipper of her dress. She pulled the zipper down and pulled the material from her shoulders. The air in her lungs froze as she was greeted by smooth ivory skin. Her eyes traced the curvature of collar bones, the soft slope of strong shoulders, and the curvature of skin disappearing under black lace.

Jeanine blushed under Tris' gaze and slipped her arms free of the dress.

Tris fell to her knees and pulled the dress to the floor at Jeanine's feet. The blonde stepped out of her stilettos and Tris ran her hands up the backside of bare thighs.

Jeanine moaned when she looked down to see Tris on her knees, her lips resting against the fabric of her thong and her eyes dark with lust.

Tris broke their gaze and squeezed Jeanine's ass tightly. She opened her mouth and ran her teeth over Jeanine's mound.

Jeanine's body lurched forward and she threaded her fingers through Tris' hair.

Tris repeated the process, nipping at the sensitive flesh. She slid one hand around and slipped her fingers through Jeanine's arousal.

"OH!" Jeanine's hand shot out to hold onto the side of the bed.

Tris curled her fingers back and forth between Jeanine's clit and the source of her arousal.

Jeanine's grip on Tris' hair tightened painfully and Tris sunk her teeth into Jeanine's mound.

Jeanine's screamed as her hips jerked forward and her eyes rolled back.

Tris' cock throbbed in anticipation. She lifted Jeanine's leg over her shoulder and slipped a finger inside.

"Tris please," the older woman begged.

Tris looked up to see Jeanine's cheeks were flushed and she had trapped her lower lip between her teeth, swallowing back her moans.

She pushed her finger deep inside and rubbed it against Jeanine's most sensitive place. The older woman released a loud moan and Tris grinned against the black lace. She sped up her pace and Jeanine's hips rocked in tandem with her strokes. She pressed her thumb to Jeanine's clit and entered her with a second finger, moving faster and faster.

Jeanine rode Tris' fingers and clung to the duvet on the bed as her body bolted into an orgasm.

Tris placed gentle kisses to the sensitive skin as she pulled her wet fingers from Jeanine. She slid Jeanine's leg from her shoulder and quickly stood to kiss the trembling woman in her arms.

Dazed and sated, Jeanine kissed Tris lazily and let herself be picked up bridal style and deposited on the bed.

Tris smiled at Jeanine's half-awake state and climbed into bed next to her.

Blue eyes opened at the shift of weight in the bed and she turned to see Tris smiling like the cheshire cat. Her eyes wandered down Tris' body to see the tent formed in her pants. A smile spread over her lips and she looked back up to meet Tris' gaze. "Give me thirty seconds and we will take care of that."

Tris laughed and scooted closer, "Take all the time you need." She rested her head on Jeanine's shoulder and draped her arm over Jeanine's chest. She wrote her name over Jeanine's heart with her fingertips and snuggled in even closer.

Jeanine took a moment to come down from her high before she pulled Tris on top of her. "Come here." The brunette sat up in Jeanine's lap and pulled her bra off over her head while Jeanine undid her pants.

Their fingers intertwined and Tris' head fell to the side as Jeanine looked up at her with a smile. "What?"

"You're perfect."

Tris snorted a laugh and shook her head. "No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

The brunette rolled her eyes and intertwined their fingers pinning Jeanine's hands by her head. She lowered herself so their breasts barely brushed together. Their eyes meet for a second before Tris met Jeanine's lips in a kiss. "You're just saying that 'cause you're in love with me."

Blue eyes locked to brown in challenge. "...Maybe."

"Mm," Tris rubbed their noses together as the nodded. "I think so."

Jeanine chuckled quietly and shook her head, "Always so cocky."

Tris rocked her hips forward causing her erection to brush against Jeanine's stomach. "Just for you."

Jeanine let out a sultry moan and her head pressed back into the pillow. "Take off your pants."

Tris smiled and quickly got off the bed, sliding her pants to the floor, allowing her erection to spring free. She climbed back onto the bed, blushing under Jeanine's heavy-lidded gaze.

Jeanine traced the lines of Tris' abs before her fingers dipped lower, gently caressing Tris' hard cock. The brunette inhaled sharply over her and she wrapped her fingers around the shaft, appreciating it's girth and stroking it gently.

"Jeanine," Tris lowered her lips to meet Jeanine's in a passionate kiss. She moaned into the older woman's mouth as her cock grew rigid in Jeanine's hand. She lowered her head to Jeanine's full breasts and sucked hungrily on pink nipples before taking it between her teeth and repeating the process on the other side.

"Oh Tris!" Jeanine's back arched from the bed in pleasure. She pulled Tris into a hard kiss and wrapped her fingers around Tris' cock again. "Please."

Tris' body vibrated with arousal and she kissed Jeanine again then ran the tip through Jeanine's arousal. She coated her cock in Jeanine's essence then positioned the tip at Jeanine's entrance. She meet Jeanine's darkened gaze, "Will you?"

Jeanine nodded her head and reached down with her hand, guiding Tris inside. Tris shuddered when she felt the the thick head of her cock push inside Jeanine's velvety walls. Soft fingers coaxed her in slowly and she watched as Jeanine moaned with every inch. When she was completely in, she kissed Jeanine breathlessly and let herself disappear into dark eyes.

Jeanine's body expanded and clenched around Tris' large member and she took a deep breath before pulling Tris into another searing kiss.

Feeling Jeanine relax in her arms, Tris pulled out slowly, careful to make sure Jeanine was ready. When the older woman opened her eyes again, Tris knew she was.

Tris' cock throbbed with the need to fuck Jeanine thoroughly, deeply, roughly. She thrust back inside and groaned deeply as she felt Jeanine's walls tighten around her. She lowered herself so they were cheek to cheek and buried herself inside Jeanine.

Jeanine lifted her legs and wrapped them around Tris, giving her better access.

Tris pulled out and slammed roughly home, her balls smacking against Jeanine's ass.

"Oh!" Jeanine's head fell back onto the bed and her eyes fell closed as she sucked in a sharp breath.

Tris growled as her arousal burned through her and she buried her toes in the mattress, pushing herself in completely.

Jeanine clenched her teeth at the overwhelming feeling of being completely filled.

Tris lifted her head and kissed Jeanine again. It was messy and rough, but passionate and meaningful. Teeth scraping, fingers clawing, needy, desperate. When their kiss broke Jeanine grabbed Tris' ass and pulled her in tight. "Fuck me Tris."

The words were like lightening to Tris' system. She slid her arms under Jeanine, hooked her fingers over her shoulders and slammed her cock in over and over. Short, short, deep, deep. Harder. Faster.

"Oh Tris," Jeanine moaned, her pussy clamping down on Tris' cock, pulling her in. She arched her back in pleasure, meeting Tris' relentless pace.

"I want you to come with me J," Tris panted into Jeanine's ear.

Jeanine dug her nails into Tris' back as her walls tightened around Tris. "I'm gonna come Tris!"

Tris' cock flared violently as she sped up her pace and felt herself approaching climax. "Jeanine," she screamed as she exploded inside her lover.

"Oh-" Jeanine's voice broke as she stilled entirely. Her pussy clamped down around Tris' shaft pulsing around it tightly.

Tris lifted her head and kissed Jeanine as the blonde trembled beneath her. She rocked gently, helping Jeanine ride out her orgasm as she slowly removed herself.

Jeanine panted and let out quiet moans as her orgasm reverberated through her veins sending tingling sensations from her head to her toes and back again.

They shared a lazy, yet sweet, kiss, and Tris laid down on top of Jeanine, resting her head on the blonde's chest to listen to her heartbeat.

Jeanine ran her fingers through Tris' dark locks and closed her eyes, completely relaxed.

A few minutes passed before Tris lifted her head from Jeanine's chest. "I can see us growing old together."

Blue eyes slowly opened, "Hm?"

Tris used her fingertip to write her name over Jeanine's heart again. "I can see you with me when I'm older… Years from now, I can see us together."

A slow smile crossed Jeanine's lips as she envisioned herself and Tris together on a beach somewhere far away in the distant future.

"When I'm with you.. The world just goes away…" Tris chewed on her lower lip and propped her head up with her elbow. She looked at the picture of her and Jeanine on the nightstand, "I want that," Her gaze traveled back to the woman beneath her, "I want this, I want us, I want you… Forever."

Jeanine drew in a shaky breath and swallowed the lump in her throat.

Tris found Jeanine's hand with her own and laced their fingers together. "When people ask me who I am," She brought Jeanine's fingers to her lips, "I want to say that I'm yours." She pressed her lips to Jeanine's fingers and looked up at the blonde from under her dark lashes, "And you're mine."

"Tris," Jeanine swallowed hard. "Are you, proposing?"

A slow smile stretched across Tris' lips, "Yeah, I guess I am."

Jeanine's eyebrows arched and a smile formed on her lips as she tried not to giggle.

"So," Tris cleared her throat and lifted her chin. "Jeanine Matthews," Tris kissed Jeanine's fingers again before pulling them to her chest, right over her heart, "Will you marry me?"

A smile burst across Jeanine's face as her heart exploded with love, "Yes."

"Yes," Tris asked breathlessly, needing to hear Jeanine say it again.

"Yes!"

Tris squealed with excitement and kicked her legs with excitement. She squeezed Jeanine's hand tightly and kissed it again.

Jeanine laughed, "Goofball." She lifted her head from the pillow and pulled Tris into a searing, promising, kiss.

* * *

I _really_ enjoyed writing this one - especially the end! Ah! :) *claps excitedly* Lol :)

The title and end scene was inspired by When You Kiss Me by Shania Twain.

FannyGP & Kylahhyche - Hope you liked this one! :)

Thank you to everyone who reviews, they are like little hugs to my heart!

-Ashlynn :)


	26. Forgiveness

**Forgiveness**

* * *

Tris stepped into Jeanine's office and quietly closed the door behind herself. She tiptoed across the tile floor and slipped behind Jeanine's desk. She shook the mouse bringing the computer out of sleep mode.

"You won't find anything."

Tris jumped at the sound of Jeanine's voice and instantly pulled her gun. Her eyes quickly found the Erudite Leader's shadowy figure across the room.

"I've already wiped the program. It's gone. Twenty years of research - deleted with one click." Jeanine's voice was frustrated but definitive.

Tris' body buzzed with adrenaline and her heart hammered in her chest. "Why did you delete it," she demanded, keeping her gun aimed at Jeanine.

"Because I was wrong." Jeanine stepped out of the shadows, and Tris noticed the tear stains that stained her cheeks. "I was wrong about you, about Divergents."

Tris shifted her feet, but held her stance.

"I suppose that's the real irony in all of this. I thought you would destroy everything, and instead, you're here to save it." Jeanine looked down at her feet and shook her head. "It's a crazy thing," she looked back to Tris, "Fate maybe? Perhaps this is what we were always meant to be."

"I'm nothing like you," Tris snarled.

Jeanine laughed to herself and took a couple steps toward Tris. "We're not that different you and I, despite how much you'd hate to admit it."

Tris cocked her gun and Jeanine rolled her eyes. "Oh do put that thing down before you hurt yourself."

Tris took a deep breath. Jeanine didn't appear to be armed, but she didn't trust her either. "Why are you here?"

Jeanine clasped her hands together, and blew out an agitated breath. "Because I know what you want, and I can help you get it."

Tris' mind flashed to the box being kept in the main simulation room. "Why?"

Blue-grey eyes studied Tris carefully. "Because I want to test my hypothesis. I want to know if you are indeed the solution I think you may be."

Tris' eyes narrowed in suspicion. She studied the Erudite Leader carefully. Jeanine appeared composed in everything but there was an undeniable fire burning in her eyes. Tris considered the other Dauntless soldiers currently raiding the Erudite Compound. There had to be an end to all of it. She needed to open the box, to find out what was being kept inside. "Fine. But we do this by my rules."

Jeanine's face slipped into pleasant surprise before returning to its neutral expression. "So be it."

"First rule," Tris took a couple steps toward Jeanine and slowly lowered her gun, "If you attempt to flee or get someone else's' attention, this truce is over."

Jeanine nodded her head in understanding and agreement.

"Second rule, I don't want anyone else in the room in case…" Tris trailed off, she knew everyone else who had tried to open the box had died in the process and she didn't want anyone to see that if it happened.

Jeanine stared Tris, _brave girl_. "Fair enough." Jeanine knew the simulations could kill Tris. But she had never met a Divergent as strong or as willful as Tris either. The room fell into a heavy silence and Jeanine shifted uncomfortably, her heels softly clicking against the tile. "Are there other conditions or shall we begin?"

Tris cleared her throat and waved her gun gesturing for Jeanine to get moving. "Let's go."

When they stepped into the simulation room Jeanine went instantly to the controls while Tris stared at the box, hoping, praying, she could somehow open it and discover what it kept inside.

Jeanine's fingers flew across the controls, quickly bringing the computers up to start the simulation.

Tris' heavy boot hit the metal plate and she winced. The needles had hurt like hell last time and she doubted this time would be any different. Her heart started beating harder in her chest and her shoulders tensed in anticipation. She ground her teeth together and stood in the middle of the metal plate facing her own reflection.

"Are you ready?" Jeanine asked, slipping a pair of glasses over her eyes and bringing the simulation online.

Tris took a deep breath, there was no going back now. "Yes."

Jeanine initiated the simulation and watched as the nerve needles struck Tris, transporting her into the simulation. She took a deep breath and pressed another button causing holograms to arise all around her. She was standing in the middle of a hologram version of Tris' sim. She could see and hear everything Tris was experiencing. Instead of simply watching it play out on the screen, she was visually immersed in the same world Tris was.

Tris opened her eyes to see her reflection in the glass.

"Back again are we?" Jeanine teased, a smirk on her face. "You should know that things are slightly different this time."

Tris tilted her head, "How so?"

"Well, for starters, you only have to pass one sim this time. And, I'll be here at your side. If you start to feel ill, or need a break, you only need to say so. I can not manipulate the sim itself, other than to end it, _but_ I can see, hear and speak with you."

"The sim," Tris realized aloud, "You want me to be aware of the sim while I'm in it?"

"Yes. I believe if you _know_ you are in a sim, you will be better equipped to respond."

Tris nodded her head and silently processed everything Jeanine had just said.

"Ready to begin?"

Tris pursed her lips together before trapping her lower lip between her teeth and swallowing hard, "Yeah."

Jeanine reached out and tapped a button, initiating the Amity sim. The holograms spun around her quickly revealing the alternate reality.

Tris' feet ate up the ground as she raced through the trees. Her lungs burned with exhaustion and her vision blurred from the constant movement. How long had she been running? Minutes? Hours? She spotted a break in the treeline and bolted for it. _Whoosh!_ She left the trees behind her and her ears filled with the familiar scratch of gravel under her boots. Sunlight blinded her vision and she held her hand up to get a better view. The outline of a circular open-air building caught her attention. "Amity," she panted, and started off for the building at a jog.

"Help me," she asked of one man. He quickly shrugged her off so Tris turned to the next person she saw, "Please help me." The woman stared at her with scrutiny. Tris was soon surrounded by people from Amity, all unwilling to give her aid. "Please," she begged, her voice hoarse and scratchy.

Jeanine shifted unsteadily. She wanted to help Tris move through the sim faster, but she also knew it was important for Tris to connect with the sim. She watched as Tris was shunned by everyone around her. Amity, the most open and caring people, turned their backs the moment they saw Tris' face. Jeanine's eyebrows furrowed together. _Is this what she feels like everyday?_ Her heart ached in her chest at the raw desperation filling Tris' voice.

"I'm sorry, but we can't help you. You just don't belong here," Amity's leader said, giving Tris the cold shoulder.

"You killed Will," a voice shouted above the crowd. Tris turned in the direction of the voice to see the crowd part and reveal a bloody Will in Christina's arms. Her stomach flipped and she felt sick.

"I-I didn't mean to-"

"Beatrice," Tris' father called out.

Tris spun on her heels, "Dad?"

"You killed us all," her mother added.

"Mom?!" Tris' voice broke with surprise. Her gaze traveled to the bloody bullet wounds covering her mom's abdomen and her stomach twisted into a tight knot. Her mind travel back to the moment her mother died. _She died because of me._ "Mom! I'm sorry!" Tears blurred her vision as the crowd moved closer in around her. "I-I tried. I tried," she pleaded, "It's all my fault. It's all my fault." Tris wrapped her arms tightly around herself and swallowed back sobs. Her voice became a raspy whisper, "I'm so sorry." Tears stained her cheeks and she closed her eyes tightly. The crowd moved closer and closer, the circle growing smaller and smaller. Surrounding Tris, suffocating her with the weight of her guilt.

Jeanine felt the urge to reach out and pull Tris from the crowd. But she knew that even if she tried, her hand would only go through Tris. She was only a ghost in this virtual reality.

Tris sunk to the ground as she let herself drown in her own guilt. She pulled her knees to her chest, and buried her face in her arms.

Jeanine stepped through the holograms until she was standing next to Tris. "Hey," she knelt down so she was eye level with the brunette. Tris swallowed hard and lifted her head from behind her arms. Jeanine's heart ached painfully in her chest at Tris' pitiful appearance. She had seen the divergent girl beaten, bruised and in extreme physical pain, but it paled in comparison to the emotional anguish now blanketing Tris' face.

"I-I never meant for anyone to die," Tris sniffled and rubbed her arms unable to meet Jeanine's gaze.

"They knew that Tris," Jeanine assured.

Tris curled further into herself. "But that's what happens, to people when they get close to me…" Tris sniffled, and rocked herself back and forth. "They get hurt and they die, and I can't forgive myself."

"Oh Tris," Jeanine sighed heavily, "It's not your fault."

Silence filled the space between them and Jeanine started to consider ending the sim. Tris lifted her gaze to meet Jeanine's. "You're right," she growled, "it's not my fault - it's yours."

Jeanine drew in a sharp breath. Tris' words struck deep. She tore off the glasses, the holograms disappearing around her, and stood from the floor. She ground her teeth together and pursed her lips in a tight line. She ran her tongue over the front of her teeth in disgust and looked at the door. She didn't need to stay, the dauntless soldiers Tris arrived with would be checking this room soon enough.

The sound of Tris' sniveling caused her gaze to travel to the young woman suspended in mid-air. _It's yours_ , Tris' accusation repeated in her mind. Her hands curled into fists and she drew in a shaky breath. _Why should I care what you think of me? What difference does it make?_ She glared at the brunette through the glass. Tris was the one, she was sure of it. Tris would be the one to open the box, to reveal the message hidden inside and likely change the fate of the factions forever. Jeanine pinched the glasses between her fingers. She cared too much, and it was affecting her ability to make a concise judgement. She sighed heavily and looked back up at Tris. She had to do this, had to see it through to the end, no matter what the results were. She put the glasses back on and the holograms came together around her.

Tris stood atop the wall surrounding the city. She heard a slight buzzing and turned to see Jeanine's projection behind her. She snickered to herself, "I thought you'd left."

Jeanine folded her arms over her chest, "I want to see how this ends."

"Ah yes, your hypothesis…" Tris turned away and started to walk along the edge of the wall.

Jeanine's pulsed raced in fear of Tris' safety. _Crazy dauntless._

"Well, I'm afraid you may be disappointed," Tris said throwing her arms out to help her balance as she teetered along the edge of the wall. "I couldn't even save the people I loved, so I don't know what makes you think I'll be able to help you."

"Because you'll want to make sure they didn't die in vain," Jeanine challenged.

Tris froze in her tracks and turned on her toes to face Jeanine. Her eyes pulled into tight lines, "And how exactly am I supposed to do that?"

"Pass this sim."

Tris snorted, "Yeah, I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon. Did you see what just happened?"

Jeanine's arms fell to her sides, "To be Amity is to forgive yourself… And others." She swallowed hard and kept her gaze locked on Tris.

"You," Tris questioned aloud. "I have to forgive you?"

"And yourself," Jeanine added.

Tris rolled her eyes and threw her arms out, "Oh this just keeps getting better."

Jeanine swallowed a growl and chewed on the inside of her cheek. _Insufferable girl. Why did I think this would work?_

Tris grumbled and sat down on the edge of the wall, dangling her feet over the side. Jeanine stared at her for while. _Why are you being so stubborn about this?_ She turned her attention to the crumbling city. "...You feel like you don't fit in," she offered quietly and then sat down next to Tris on the wall.

"Because I don't," Tris whispered and swallowed the lump building in her throat.

 _And that's why we're out here._ Jeanine stared at the city. It appeared smaller from here than the top floor of Erudite's Headquarters. In reality she knew the city was the same size, only her perspective had changed. _A change in perspective..._

"Why did you do it," Tris asked suddenly, "Why did you single out divergents and make us into the enemy?"

Jeanine shifted uncomfortably, "Because your divergence makes you an unpredictable variable. You can't be classified into one faction, your very existence goes against the fundamentals our society is based upon. You think differently which either makes you a potential threat -"

"Or a potential cure," Tris filled in, recalling Jeanine's hypothesis.

"Something like that," Jeanine grinned.

Tris tilted her head to the side and she turned to look at Jeanine, "Since when do you take chances like this? It seems to me that you don't have a lot to go on here..."

Jeanine shrugged her shoulders, "I don't…" She looked back at the city and then to Tris, "But I have no other choice than to hope that this is the right thing to do."

"Hey I'm not complaining," Tris turned her gaze back to her feet and kicked her heels against the wall, "It beats the alternative."

Jeanine remained silent.

"... So I have to forgive myself and I have to forgive you," Tris asked, bringing them back to the task at hand.

"I think so," Jeanine agreed softly.

Tris took a deep breath and stared out at the city. "This is gonna hurt." She closed her eyes and focused her mind on Jeanine. The simulation dissolved as Tris filtered through her memories. She thought of the first time they met, of the time they spoke in Jeanine's office and the assurances Jeanine had asked her to make.

Jeanine stood from the floor as Tris shuffled through her memories. It was odd to see herself from Tris' perspective. She mentally noted how difficult it must have been for Tris at the choosing ceremony, and how uncomfortable it would have been to be asked to eliminate other's just like herself.

Tris paused when she came to the memory of when she was arrested in Abnegation and brought to Jeanine.

Jeanine swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably as she watched her past-self address the two rebels:

" _Tobias Eaton," Jeanine addressed Four then turned to Tris, "And you Beatrice, I thought it was intellect I was sensing in you…"_

" _Maybe you're not as smart as you think you are," Tobias retorted._

Jeanine rolled her eyes, she had never cared for Tobias and could not understand why Tris had found him so alluring. As the memory continued to play out in front of them, Jeanine turned her attention to Tris and watched her carefully.

" _... Abnegation if left unchecked will destroy the faction system," Jeanine's gaze wandered over Tris and she let out a heavy sigh of disappointment, "The same could be said for both of you… Somebody has to stop you. If we don't, peace will be lost."_

" _It's already been lost - you destroyed it," Tobias argued._

" _Human nature destroyed it," Jeanine reasoned. "Those of us with the vision to see that are called upon to protect the rest. We will restore the peace, and this time - it will last."_

 _Tris finally spoke up, "And what if you're wrong?"_

The sim froze and Tris turned to face Jeanine. "Right there... I should have tried to reason with you. I should have tried to explain-"

"I wouldn't have listened," Jeanine argued.

"I would have made you listen - made you hear my side of the story." Tris' eyes narrowed as she looked at Jeanine frozen in her sim, "All you wanted was to protect people, to maintain the peace. I could have helped with that... I'm not your enemy. It's true, I don't fit into one faction - I fit into many. I can bridge the gap between the factions. Division is not necessary for success."

"But it is the way our society works," Jeanine pointed out.

Tris scoffed and turned her attention back to the Erudite Leader, "Oh come on Jeanine. You're probably the smartest person alive. You know we could have changed things."

"... Maybe."

Tris took a deep breath and the memory dissolved around them. "I know you did what you thought was right, and I can't blame you for that. We were both fighting for what we believed to be the best for everyone." Tris ran her hand through her hair, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I do forgive you. I understand your motivation for wanting to protect the factions, and I realize that Divergents pose a huge threat to the order we have lived in for so long. I also know that you are trying. I know you are trying to set things right and that's why you're here, helping me, rather than going off the grid and hiding from the people who will likely punish you."

Jeanine shifted unsteadily. Her cheeks flooded with heat and she fought off the tears that were threatening to form. "Thank you Tris." _Thank you for understanding._

Tris' gaze flickered from Jeanine down to her boots and the simulation changed again.

Jeanine watched as the holograms spun around her to form the simulation room at Erudite. It was eerily similar, minus all of the equipment and usual staff.

Tris looked up from her boots to see her reflection in the glass of the simulation room.

"You're even a bigger fool than your mother." Jeanine chided, crossing her arms over her chest.

Tris turned to her left and stared at Jeanine for a moment. _Haven't we been through this already?_ She blinked rapidly and furrowed her eyebrows together.

"Tris," Jeanine whispered.

Tris turned her head to the right to see the hologram projection of Jeanine standing next to her. She gave the woman a perplexed look then turned her head to the left, Jeanine was still standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. "What the hell?"

"You're in a sim," Jeanine reminded her.

Tris turned her head to the right again, "So you're real, and she's," Tris turned to the left, "Part of the sim?"

"Yes."

"Ohhkay…" Tris' eyes went wide, "Could this day get any weirder?" She shook her head and focused her attention on the task at hand. She turned to face the sim version of Jeanine, "You can say whatever you want to me Jeanine, I'm not gonna fight you."

"How very Amity of you," Jeanine chided, goating Tris even more.

"I mean it," Tris held her ground, "I'm not gonna fight you."

The sim version of Jeanine scoffed. "Of course you're not," she turned her attention to the empty lab on the other side of the glass, "You're gonna fight her - the one you really hate."

Tris turned her attention to the other side of the glass wall. Her eyes narrowed in on her reflection, only it wasn't a reflection at all. The girl standing across the room was identical to Tris. And when Tris lifted her hand, the other girl did too. "What are you?"

"I'm you Tris," the girl answered, "I'm the real you."

Jeanine watched Tris turn her head to the side and raise her hand to her face in bewilderment. "She's part of the sim," Jeanine gently reminded.

Tris looked around. The sim version of Jeanine was gone, but the hologram version of her still stood at her side. She turned her attention back to her duplicate. The girl no longer held the same stance Tris did, taking on her own persona and action. Tris' chest tightened with fear. Her duplicate sprinted across the room at full speed toward her, shattering the glass and crashing into Tris at full speed. The wall Tris crashed into broke into millions of pieces as they locked gazes. "I'm not gonna fight you," Tris argued.

Wham! The sim version of Tris swung her fist, meeting Tris' jaw and knocking her to the floor. "I'll make you fight me!"

"You're not me!"

The sim version of Tris locked the divergent girl in a chokehold. "I am. I'm what they see when they look at you."

Jeanine winced as she watched Tris take a beating. The structure of the sim was dissolving into thin air and Jeanine made sure to stay close to Tris. She shifted nervously on her heels and chewed on her lower lip, she couldn't do anything, it was all up to Tris now.

"You killed Will and your parents, you're deadly," the sim version of Tris taunted.

Tris growled and threw out her arm, sending the the sim version of herself flying to a wall.

"No one's going to love you Tris," the sim taunted her even further. "They're never even going to miss you. This world would be better off without you. One less Divergent ruining everything. And no one will ever, ever forgive you for what you've done."

Tears stung Tris' eyes. Her greatest fears were brought to the surface and she balled her hands into tight fists.

Jeanine's heart ached in her chest as she watched Tris struggle to keep control of her emotions. "Tris," she stepped between the sim and Tris, "You're wrong…"

Tris tilted her head to the side, "What are you talking about?"

Jeanine looked down at the scar on her hand and rubbed her fingers over it, "I will." She steadied herself as her heart rate increased, "I know, I know I don't mean much to you and for all purposes you should hate me… But for what it's worth," she looked up to meet Tris' gaze, "I forgive you."

Hazel eyes filled with unshed tears, and Tris shook her head.

"You're so brave Tris," goosebumps rose on Jeanine's skin and her voice became thick with emotion. "You don't think anyone could ever forgive you for what you've done… But I do, I forgive you."

Salty tears fell from Tris' eyes and a watery smile appeared on her lips, "Thank you."

Jeanine smiled and slowly nodded her head.

Tris wiped her face and turned her attention to the sim version of herself. "I forgive you."

The sim version of Tris scoffed and took off at a full speed run toward Tris again. With each step the sim world came apart even more.

Gunfire rang in Jeanine's ears and she was filled with panic. She tore off her glasses to see Dauntless soldiers and factionless rebels pouring in through the doorway of the sim room.

Tris took a deep breath and closed her eyes, allowing the sim to crash into her and disappear. When she opened her eyes she turned to see the world around her in a suspended state of disarray.

"Amity sim complete."

Tris turned to see the box at her side, with all of the faction symbols activated.

"NO STOP," Jeanine raced to the glass barrier as she watched one of the factionless raise his firearm at Tris.

"Initializing message."

The room fell into silence and Jeanine turned to view the simulation on screen. She held her breath and watched as a the fuzzy image of a woman appeared in front of Tris.

"Hello. I come from outside the wall, where we have all but destroyed each other. We designed your city as an experiment. We believe it is the only way to recover the humanity we have lost. And we created factions to insure peace…"

A small smile appeared on Jeanine's lips.

"... But we believe there will be those of you who will transcend these factions…"

Tris took a deep breath and bit down on her lower lip.

"...These will be the divergent. They are the true purpose of this experiment, they are **vital** to humanity's survival…"

Jeanine's smile grew as she turned around to look at Tris in the simulation room.

"...If you are watching this now, then at least one of you is proof that our experiment has succeeded. The time has come for you to emerge from your isolation and rejoin us. We've allowed you to believe that you're the last of us, but you're not. Mankind waits for you, with hope, beyond the wall."

The transmission ended and Tris smiled brightly. She shook her head and chuckled to herself. The fuzzy image of the woman disappeared and she turned around. "Jeanine?" She turned in a complete circle and her eyebrows furrowed together when the Erudite woman did not appear.

"I'm here," Jeanine's voice was a distant echo. Tris turned in the direction of Jeanine's voice, but she couldn't see her.

Jeanine sprinted across the room and shoved her way through the dauntless soldiers. "Wake up Tris," she rested her hand on Tris' shoulder, "You did it."

Tris felt Jeanine's hand on her shoulder and she closed her eyes. She drew a deep breath and willed herself to wake up.

"Hey," Jeanine smiled, carefully gauging Tris' reaction as she woke up.

"Hi," Tris mumbled and tried to get her eyes to focus.

"You okay," Jeanine asked, reaching out to steady Tris as she stood and the nerve needles disconnected.

"Yeah," Tris panted with a small smile. She closed her eyes and wrapped her fingers around Jeanine's arm, taking a moment to catch her balance. "You're hypothesis was correct," Tris whispered.

Jeanine chuckled softly and helped Tris stabilize herself.

Tris blew out a steadying breath between her lips and squeezed Jeanine's forearm tightly, "We're the solution."

Jeanine smiled and studied Tris' face, _We're the solution._

"Put your weapons down now!"

Tris' eyes snapped open and she looked over Jeanine's shoulder to see a group of armed factionless rebels storming the room. She gripped Jeanine's arm tightly and pulled the older woman behind her.

"Do not move," the factionless rebels ordered, circling Tris and Jeanine. The crowd finally broke and Tris spotted a familiar face.

"Evelyn," Jeanine whispered in confusion.

"Hello Jeanine," the factionless leader greeted.

Tris furrowed her eyebrows together. _You know each other?_

"Evelyn," Jeanine repeated the woman's name, surprised to see she was even alive.

"Impressive," Evelyn glanced around the simulation room, "I think we're gonna like it here."

Tris scoffed, capturing the attention of both women. "You're not taking over Erudite."

Evelyn stared at Tris, "And who's going to stop me?"

"Do you honestly think the other factions will stand for this," Jeanine asked, stepping out from behind Tris' protective stance.

"Because you're so popular," Evelyn quipped.

Tris took a step forward in challenge, "I won't let you take over Erudite."

Evelyn glared at Tris and then Jeanine. She shook her head and snarled, "Get them out of here."

A factionless girl stepped toward Tris and as soon as she came into reaching distance, Tris ripped the gun from the girl's hand, knocked her to the floor and took aim at Evelyn.

Jeanine watched with wide eyes as all of the Dauntless soldiers suddenly took aim at the factionless rebels.

"Me and this army," Tris chided, answering Evelyn's previous question.

Jeanine tried not to chuckle as she caught a glimpse of Evelyn's panicked expression.

Tris slammed the door to Evelyn's cell closed and leaned back against the wall. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _It's been one hell of a day_. The familiar sound of high heels clicking against tile brought a small smile to her face. She rolled her head to the side and opened her eyes to see Jeanine standing at the end of the hallway. Her smile grew and her heart started to beat a little faster. She pushed off the wall and made her way to the end of the hall.

"I thought I would be the one you'd lock in a cell," Jeanine smiled.

"Oh I might still," Tris teased, making them both laugh.

"You did it," Jeanine smiled warmly.

Tris shoved her hands into her pockets, "Yeah."

Jeanine watched as Tris' cheeks blushed a crimson red. _I've never seen you blush before… Cute._ She smiled and dropped her chin to catch Tris' attention. "You've changed everything."

Tris inhaled deeply and met Jeanine's gaze, "What now?"

"Only one way to find out," Jeanine grinned, "Are you ready?"

Tris' smile grew. She swallowed hard and pulled her hand out of her pocket. She found Jeanine's hand with her eyes and reached out, lacing their fingers together. "Yeah," she looked up to meet Jeanine's hopeful gaze, "Let's do this."


	27. Baby Talk

"Tris," Jeanine stepped around the corner to see Tris applying the last piece of sheetrock. They had decided to convert the basement into a large family room and Tris had made up her mind to do the renovations by herself.

"One sec," the brunette called over her shoulder. She picked up a handful of screws and a drill quickly sealing the sheetrock in place. "Ah, much better." She ran her hands over the smooth surface and turned her attention to her wife. "What's up?"

Jeanine smiled to herself. In three years they had gone from, 'Ms. Matthews' and 'Ms. Prior' to 'Stop hogging all the sheets' and 'We need milk and bread'.

Tris picked up another piece of sheetrock and leaned it against the stud wall.

Jeanine folded her arms over her abdomen and drew in a steadying breath. "I want to talk to you about having kids."

Tris' gaze snapped up to meet Jeanine's. Her mouth went dry and her stomach did nervous flips. "Okay." She could barely contain her smile.

"I um," Jeanine looked down at her bare feet. "I'm not getting any younger," she looked back up at Tris, her eyebrows raised expectantly. "And I know this is something we've talked about a few times... I just didn't know if you still feel the same way."

Tris dropped the sheetrock and smiled brightly, "Of course I do!" She reached out and tugged the soft material of Jeanine's shirt. The blonde stumbled forward until they were barely inches apart. Tris searched familiar blue-gray eyes. "I do have one condition."

Jeanine wrapped her arms around Tris' waist. Whatever it was, they would face it together. "Okay?"

Tris took a half step forward pulling their bodies flush together and resting her arms on Jeanine's shoulders. "I don't want to go to a laboratory or some special room. When we do this, I want it to be here, in our home, in our bed."

Jeanine's face broke into a bright smile, "Okay." She leaned forward and sealed their deal with a kiss.

Tris smiled against Jeanine's lips and pulled her into a tight hug when their kiss broke.

"We do need to talk about what route we want to take…" Jeanine let her arms fall to Tris' lower back and leaned back in their embrace.

Tris eyebrows furrowed together, "True."

"There are a couple of options… We could find a sperm donor-"

Tris scrunched her nose in displeaure.

"It's not like they would actually be part of the process," Jeanine protested.

"Next option," Tris grinned.

"Well," Jeanine squirmed, "We could, in theory, use Caleb's.

Tris' face twisted into an even more discussed expression.

"I know, I know, but he is your brother so there would be similar genetic factors."

Tris groaned, "Next option?"

"There's always adoption."

"Which you alredy know I am all for," Tris grinned.

Jeanine smiled, "I know." Her gaze fell to the black birds on Tris' collar bone and her smile faded.

"What is it," Tris asked, noticing the sudden change in Jeanine's demenor.

The blonde took a deep breath and swallowed. She looked up from the tattoo to meet warm brown orbs. "There is one more option… But it's still experimental." She released her laced fingers behind Tris' back and lifted them to rest on Tris' chest.

Tris studied Jeanine's face, nevously searching for the answers. Warm fingers splayed out over her chest and a soothing calm washed over her. She dropped her hands to Jeanine's waist and pulled the older woman in even tighter. "Tell me."

Jeanine focused on the rhythm of Tris' heart under her fingertips. "There may be a way to reverse engineer an egg and create sperm."

Tris' eyes flew open wide an she stared at Jeanine for a second. "What?" She wasn't a proponent of genetic manipulation and just the mention of it make the hair in the back of her neck stand up.

Jeanine sighed softly. She knew explaining this to Tris would be tough. "With the genetic mapping software we now have, we can create-"

"-Wow." Tris cut Jeanine off and released her hold. She took a step back and Jeanine's hands fell from her chest. "You know how I feel about genetic manipulation." Her face grew warm and her gaze burned into her wife's eyes.

"I know," Jeanine acknowledged softly. "But please let me explain first."

Tris eyes tightened into fine lines, she blew hot air thew her nose but held her ground.

"We would need to decide which one of us to use for the DNA replication-"

"-Replication?"

"Yes," Jeanine explained. "We don't have to destroy anything, we will simply replicate the DNA into the form we need, in this case - sperm."

Tris quickly processed everything Jeanine was saying, "So no modification then? Just replication?"

"Exactly," Jeanine confirmed. "Hypothetically speaking, if we used my DNA, we could create sperm then combine it with your egg-"

"Oh my gosh." Tris smacked her hand against her forehead and wiped her hand over her face with a groan.

Jeanine tilted her head to the side and stared at Tris with furrowed eyebrows. "What?"

Tris started to chuckle. She shook her head, a smile appearing on her lips. "Why did I marry the leader of Erudite?"

Jeanine smiled broadly. "Because you find me intriguing, I'm smart enough to understand you, and strong enough to ground you. I'm not afraid of you, what you were, what you are, and what you will be. I accept you wholly. At least that's what you said when you asked me to marry you," Jeanine's smile only grew. "Oh! And I think there was something about being fantastic in bed as well."

The room filled with Tris' laughter and the brunette staggered forward to embrace her wife. When the laughter subsided Tris had to wipe tears from her eyes.

"We also need to figure out who will be carrying, or if we want a surrogate," Jeanine pointed out.

Tris lips formed a smirk. "I think you already I know the answer to that."

Jeanine smiled, "I figured you'd want it to be one of us."

"Uh huh," Tris grinned.

"So, if we do the replication process, who's DNA do you think we should use? I mean, the result would still be half you and half me, but…" Jeanine trailed off at the hungry look in Tris' eyes.

"I bet we can find a way to figure that out," Tris grinned slyly and reached out hooking her fingers under the hem of Jeanine's shirt.

The blonde raised an eyebrow in challenge, "Oh really?" She lifted her arms so Tris could pull the shirt over her head.

Tris latched onto Jeanine's lips, "Mmmhmmm." She spun them around and backed Jeanine up against the new wall. She covered exposed skin with her lips, kissing every part of Jeanine she could see.

Jeanine's eyes fell closed and her breathing became labored with the intensity of Tris' aggression. She clawed at Tris' shirt, eventually bunching it up and causing the brunette to pull it over her head and let it fall to the floor.

Tris continued her assault, kissing her way up Jeanine's neck and breathing hotly in her ear, "First one who comes gets to carry our baby."

Jeanine chuckled and pushed off the wall, quickly turning the tables on Tris and pinning the brunette against the wall.

Tris pushed back playfully, but Jeanine only leaned into her even more. They kissed passionatly and Jeanine pinned Tris' hands to the wall over her head. With her free hand she reached down, unbuttoned Tris' pants, and sliped her fingers through Tris' arousal.

Tris moaned loudly against Jeanine's lips and her hips bucked uncontrollably. "Fuck Jeanine," she hissed when two fingers entered her roughly.

Jeanine pumped her fingers in and out of Tris with wild abandon. She pressed her thumb to Tris' clit and kissed her hard. Tris' walls tightened around her fingers, pulling her in deeper. She slipped a third finger inside and Tris' voice broke mid-scream.

Tears of pure pleasure slipped from brown watery eyes as Tris tumbled over the edge.

Jeanine crooked her fingers inside, turning Tris into a trembling, shaking, mess. She kissed Tris hard, her own eyes filling with unshed tears. She pressed their sweat-sheened foreheads together and kept her fingers buried deep inside, helping Tris ride out the remaining waves of her orgam. "I love you," she whispered and kissed Tris' forhead.

Tris smiled and slowly opened her heavy-lidded eyes, "I love you too."

"We're gonna have a baby," Jeanine whispered with a bright smile.

Tris returned Jeanine's smile with a toothy grin of her own, "We're gonna have a baby."


	28. Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

This is not a happy story. Rated T for language.

 **Nothing Will Ever Be The Same**

* * *

"Get out."

"Jeanine-"

"I said get out!"

Tears poured from brown eyes. Tris whirled around and stomped out of Jeanine's office. The door slammed behind her. Her heart shattered with it's deafening sound. She screamed silently and took off in a dead run. She could barely see through her tears. Her lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. Her boots felt like boulders attached to her feet. She grabbed ahold of the bannister and flung herself onto the stairs. They came too quick and she nearly fell on her face. Her ankle twisted and she winced at the pain. Her head pounded. She blinked away tears, not bothering to wipe them from her face. She ran down the staircase, away from Erudite, away from Jeanine, desperate to get away from the pain.

Her shoes hit pavement and she kept running. Her muscles burned and her head swam. She kept her eyes dead ahead and ran. She ran as fast as she could. She ran until she could only walk and even then she kept going. Her ankle swelled in her boot and sent twinges of pain up through her leg. _I deserve this._

Her mind's eye flashed with images of the pain warping Jeanine's face. Brutal. Painful. The stricken look in her eyes. The fire that usually burned drowned by a sea.

Tris swallowed hard and picked up her pace again. Her ankle gave her hell, stinging with every step. She pressed on, tightening her fists and grinding her teeth together.

* * *

 _Fuck you._

Jeanine's head spun. She reached for a nearby chair only to miss it and reach again. Cloth met her fingertips and she collapsed back into her chair. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes glued wide open. She felt sick. Her stomach churned and her gag reflex kicked in. She swallowed hard and reached under her desk for the waste bin. Heat burned through her and her stomach churned again. She threw her head over the metal can and emptied her stomach of it's contents.

 _Fuck you Tris Prior._ She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her body shook attempting to reject the brutal truth.

Jeanine's mind traveled back to five minutes ago…

* * *

"There's something I need to tell you," Tris said hanging her head and swallowing hard. Guilt racked her body and she shook with anxiety.

"What's wrong?" A million things had raced through Jeanine's mind, but none of them had been close to what Tris told her.

"I-" Tris started to cry. Jeanine stood from behind her desk to comfort Tris. She reached for the younger woman but Tris flinched and backed away. "No," Tris sniffled and tears continued to fall from her eyes.

"What is it Tris?"

Tris wrapped her arms over her chest. She wanted to fall to her knees. Wanted to dissolve into the floor. Wanted to turn into dust, to turn into nothing. "I-I slept with Four."

Jeanine stared at Tris unable to believe what she just heard. "What?"

"I-" Tris shook her head. "It didn't, I don't know how it happened… It just…"

Jeanine shook her head unable to process what she was hearing. Her body twitched and she blinked rapidly. _I'm hearing things. This is a dream. This isn't real._

"I'm so sorry," Tris sobbed.

Jeanine's mouth fell open. She couldn't speak. There were no words. Tris, her Tris, betrayed her. Fury filled her veins. Tears burned her eyes. Her nostrils flared and her lips turned down in a hard line. "Get out."

"Jeanine-" Tris pleaded.

"I said get out!"

* * *

Tris passed out when she reached the edge of the city.

When she woke, the sun had set and the night birds and started to sing. She rolled over on her side and groaned with the soreness overwhelming her body. Her entire body was sore and her ankle stung even worse. She pulled herself to her feet and hissed when she tried to step with her bad ankle. _Fuck._ Her eyes were drawn to the flashing lights of the wall and she spotted a familiar place not to far away.

Tris planted herself in against the trunk of an old tree. She squeezed in between the roots and braced her back against its rough bark. She didn't mind that it poked and scratched her skin. She rubbed at the sore muscles in her thighs and stared at the blinking lights.

She had brought Jeanine here on their third date. They had talked about art, music, and the various other things they were interested in.

Tris rested her head back against the tree and closed her eyes. She swallowed hard as memories plagued her mind only adding to the guilt she felt.

* * *

Jeanine slid her oversized sunglasses over her eyes and grabbed her keys. She told her secretary to hold all the calls and push everything to tomorrow. Her stilettos clicked so loudly against the tile floor no one even dared to say 'hi'. She floored the accelerator of her Jaguar and threw it into drive. She merged onto the freeway and curled her fingers tightly around the leather steering wheel. 70mph… 80mph… 90mph… The motor roared with life as she pushed the accelerator even further. 110mph… 120mph… She drove out of the city away, away from her office, away from Erudite, away from everything familiar.

Tris' raspy voice still rang in her ears.

125mph… 130mph… Tears started to pool in Jeanine's eyes and she let up on the accelerator. The car slowed to a moderate speed and leaned her head back against the headrest. She slouched in the seat and set the cruise control. She pushed her sunglasses up on top of her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She swallowed the lump in her throat and propped her arm against the door, resting her head in her hand. Her mind whirled with thoughts. There were so many emotions waging a war inside her mind.

Anger burned through her veins. Disappointment panged in her heart. And a need to understand it all circled in her mind.

She pressed her cool palm against her forehead where a headache was taking hold. She drove out of the city and into the night.

* * *

Tris flinched awake when the rumble of an engine brought her out of her dreams. She leaned around the tree trunk to see headlights headed her direction. She watched as the car came to a stop at the bottom of the hill and tried to make out what kind of vehicle it was.

 _No way._ Her eyes studied the car under the glow of the moonlight. It was dark as the night and nearly impossible to see. But the sound, the sound of the car was unmistakable. _Jeanine?_

* * *

Jeanine put her car in park and stared at the wall surrounding the city. The lights flicked on and off and she was reminded of when Tris had first showed her this place. Her heart lurched in her chest and she let herself fall apart. Tears fell hot and fast down her cheeks, across her face. She beat her hands against the steering wheel and screamed at the top of her lungs.

* * *

Tris heard Jeanine's screaming and got to her feet. She stumbled and winced as she hobbled down the hill on her one good foot. Her muscles groaned and cramped up in retaliation but she kept on, sped on by another of Jeanine's screams.

Her boots hit the pavement and pain shot up her leg nearly causing her to scream. She forced herself around the car to knock on the driver's side window.

Rap. Rap.

* * *

Jeanine jumped in her seat in shock and leaned away from her window.

"Jeanine?" Tris stood outside the car swaying on her feet.

Wide eyes tried to make out the face on the opposite side of the tinted glass. Jeanine took a deep breath and rolled down her window. Her shoulders fell, "Tris?"

Tris drew in a painful breath. Jeanine looked terrible. Her eyes were all red and puffy. Her nose was red and her eyes were still filled with tears. "Hi."

Jeanine blinked a few times trying to make sure she was still lucid. "What the hell?"

Tris swallowed. "I um-" Tris hissed at the pain in her foot and adjusted her stance.

Jeanine caught the painful twinge that crossed Tris' features. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Tris swallowed her pain. "Just took a little tumble."

Jeanine resisted the urge to grin. "Klutz."

Tris shrugged her shoulders, "Guess some things never change."

Jeanine took a deep breath and stared at Tris. The lights from the wall provided just enough light to see the scrapes over her face and the puffiness around her eyes. She sat up in her seat and ground her teeth together. "Come on." She opened her car door and climbed out.

"What?"

"I'm not going to leave you out here by yourself," Jeanine said leaving no room for argument. She threw Tris' arm over her shoulder and helped the younger woman into the passenger's seat.

Tris screwed her eyes closed tight trying to keep her whimpers inside.

Jeanine climbed into the driver's seat and they sat in silence until the interior lights went out. "Why did you…" Jeanine trailed off unable to say the rest out loud.

Tris shook her head. "I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't." She shifted in her seat and stared at the lights on the wall.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Tris was quick to reply. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Jeanine cleared her throat and continued to cry silently. "I don't understand."

Tris sighed. "I don't know Jeanine. I don't even know how it happened."

Jeanine drew in a shaky breath. "... When did it start?"

"It was just the once." Tris turned to look at Jeanine.

Jeanine continued to stare out the windshield. "But surely there was some sort of flirtation that lead to…" She sniffled.

Tris drew in a shallow breath and pushed her back into the seat. "I'm sorry... I wish that I had answers for you. I wish that I had some sort of explanation, but I don't…" Fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am Jeanine."

Jeanine crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes tightly as she cried. Her fingernails dug into her skin painfully but she didn't let go.

They sat in silence for a while, both forced to see the pain the other was experiencing. The lights flickered on and off, again, and again, and again. On... Off... On... Off…

Jeanine wiped the tears from her cheeks and started her car. They rode back into town in complete silence.

"You can drop me off at Christina's," Tris offered.

"Don't be ridiculous, it's far too late."

Tris nodded silently and watched the houses pass by out the window. They pulled in the driveway and a heavy sense of dread washed over Tris. Jeanine helped her out of the car and into the house.

"You can stay in the guest bedroom," Jeanine said helping Tris across the hardwood floor.

Tris remained silent as she hobbled in the direction Jeanine was leading. _Guest_ the word echoed in her mind. She was now a guest in this house. In the house which held all of her belongings and that of the woman she loved. She sighed heavily and gripped Jeanine's shoulder tightly.

Jeanine helped Tris into the guest room and onto the edge of the bed. "I'm going to go get some ice for your ankle. You should keep it elevated while you sleep."

Tris unlaced her boots and pulled one off, but had significant trouble with the other. Gingerly, she pulled the laces free and opened her boot as wide as possible so she could pull her swollen foot free.

Jeanine returned with ice packs, a pair of Tris' pajamas and a first aid kit. "I'll be right outside while you change, let me know if you need assistance." She pulled the door closed behind herself and leaned her head back against it. _What am I doing?_

Tris fumbled around for a minute until she was able to get her pajamas, which consisted of an oversized tshirt and boxers, on. "I'm decent," she called out and lifted her sore legs so they were on the bed.

Jeanine took a deep breath and re-entered the bedroom her exhaustion getting the best of her concentration. She stacked a couple of pillows under Tris' ankle and wrapped it in ice packs. "Okay," she asked looking up at Tris. The brunette nodded her head in confirmation so Jeanine picked up the first aid kit. She pulled out antiseptic and an antibiotic cream. "This is going to hurt," she warned opening the first antiseptic cloth.

Tris nodded her head and kept her eyes focused on Jeanine. She couldn't look anywhere else. She searched blue-grey eyes for the humanity behind them. Right now all she could see was the mechanical. She could see the Erudite woman dressing wounds and meticulously placing bandages. But the fire, the passion and hope was gone. Tris shivered suddenly feeling cold, only it wasn't from the temperature of the room.

Jeanine dressed each of Tris' scrapes and made sure she had a glass of water at her bedside. She cleaned everything up and turned to face Tris before she turned out the light, "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," Tris replied quickly. _You,_ _I need you._

Jeanine turned out the light and pulled the door mostly shut. She left the guestroom, locked the front door, turned out the lights and went upstairs to her bedroom. She peeled off her clothes, put on her pajamas and stared at her bed. Their bed. Her nostrils flared and she glared at the bed as though she could set fire to it with her eyes. She snatched her pillow and switched off the lights. She tip-toed down the stairs and pulled a blanket from an old trunk. She flopped her pillow down on the living room couch and curled up on the cool leather. She laid on her side and stared out at the darkness. _Nothing will ever be the same._


	29. Nothing Will Ever Be The Same - Part II

**Nothing Will Ever Be The Same - Part II (For Luz)**

Tris woke up the middle of the morning, her bladder expanded to it's limit. She threw the covers back and threw her legs over the side of the bed. Her feet hit the carpet and she stood. "AHHH!" She screamed as her legs buckled underneath her and she fell to the floor with a loud thud.

Startled by Tris' scream, Jeanine leaped off the couch and ran into the bedroom. "Tris?!" She flipped the light on to see Tris lying prone on the floor. "Tris, oh my God. Are you okay?"

"I-" Tris winced as Jeanine helped her sit up against the side of the bed. "Owe."

"What happened?" Jeanine's eyes scanned Tris' form grateful that there was no blood.

"I got up to use the bathroom, and I guess my legs didn't want to take me there." Tris shifted uncomfortably.

Jeanine reached out and touched the top of Tris' thigh, "They're so swollen. We need to get you in an ice bath."

Tris' bladder spasmed uncomfortably. "I _need_ to go pee."

Jeanine pursed her lips for a second. "Okay, come on." She stood up, and planted her feet on either side of Tris. The brunette looked up at her curiously, but Jeanine didn't waver. She leaned down, hooked her arms under Tris' shoulders and pulled Tris up to her.

Tris hissed at the pain in her legs and pursed her lips together when tears sprung to her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Jeanine's shoulders and buried her face in blonde hair.

"Can you put your feet on mine?" Jeanine whispered softly. Tris tightened her abs and lifted her legs like they were logs. Slowly, Jeanine felt Tris' toes meet the top of her foot. "Good." She wrapped her arms around Tris' back, pulling them flush together. "I'm going to walk now. Don't worry - I'll take small steps and just drag my feet along the floor." Tris nodded against her shoulder.

"Okay." The walk to the bathroom seemed to take a million years. Tris held in her whimpers and cried silently against Jeanine's shoulder. It hurt like hell, her legs didn't want to bend, didn't want to flex or relax, they just _hurt._

When they finally reached the bathroom, Jeanine paused. "Do you want me to help you?"

"Please."

Tris' body trembled with the pain and Jeanine's heart ached. "Hold on." Tris tightened her grip around Jeanine's neck while the blonde slid her fingers under the waistband of Tris' bottoms and pushed them down. Sitting on the toilet was an olympic feat and by the time Tris sat down, she feared she might not be able to get back up.

"I'm going to give you some privacy and go get the ice." Jeanine excused herself from the bathroom and hurried her way into the kitchen. She pulled out each tray of ice, emptied the ice maker of it's bin, and even grabbed the cool packs she used to keep her lunch cold. "Tris?" She stood outside of the bathroom, her mind whirring with worry.

"Come in." Tris chuckled when Jeanine stepped into the bathroom, her arms full with bags of ice.

"I'm glad someone's finding some humor in this." Jeanine said, and emptied her arms into the claw-foot bathtub.

"You've always been able to make me laugh. Even when I'm at my worst."

The compliment doesn't go unmissed and a smile breaks over Jeanine's mouth. "Shall we get you into the tub?"

Tris stared at the bathtub and her joy deflated. She blew out a sigh and blew the air out between her lips. "Yeah."

"Come on." Jeanine leaned over and picked Tris up bridal-style.

"Wow!" Tris quickly wrapped her arms around Jeanine's neck and hissed as her legs bent to accommodate the position. Jeanine spun on her toes and lowered Tris into the tub.

"Ahhaha -ah-ah-ah," Tris' skin tingled as it was met with the frozen ice. "Whew." She shivered and leaned back against the porcelain tub.

"Okay?" Jeanine asked, watching Tris closely.

Tris nodded her head. "Yeah."

Jeanine plugged the drain and tuned on the cool water. "You'll be feeling better soon."

Tris reached up and put her hand over Jeanine's on the side of the bathtub. Blue eyes met brown and they both took a steadying breath. "Thank you."

Jeanine gave Tris a small smile then looked back at the water. "We should probably get your shorts off," Jeanine thought aloud when she looked down to see Tris' bottoms still halfway down her thighs.

Tris blushed. "Well, Ms. Matthews, if you think that's for the best," she teased.

Jeanine cut her eyes at Tris and tried to hide her smile. She shook her head and it made Tris giggle. She reached into the water and gently pulled Tris' shorts and panties down her legs. "You haven't called me Ms. Matthews for a _long_ time."

"I know." Tris scrunched her nose, "It felt a little weird."

Jeanine laughed and pulled the shorts from the water. "You're weird."

"Thank you." Tris grinned happily.

"Oh," Jeanine groaned as she got off her knees and sat on the tile floor, "what am I going to do with you?"

Tris flicked water at Jeanine's face. "You're gonna forgive me first."

A somber air took over the room and Jeanine sighed heavily. She slid back against the wall and cross her legs. Her head fell back against the wall, "I just wish I could understand it. But I can't see the logic to it."

"'Cause there was no logic. It was stupid. It was rash. And if I could go back in time and not do it - I would."

Jeanine wiped her hands over her face and then behind her neck. "Ohhhh." She groaned then growled and looked up at Tris. "You understand that this can _never_ happen again."

"It won't."

Jeanine grumbled to herself unintelligibly. "Don't think this changes anything. I need some time. And you're still sleeping in the guest room."

Tris dipped her chin in understanding. "For as long as you need."

"Good." Jeanine's pursed lips slowly slid into a smile under Tris' gaze.

Tris traced her fingertips over the surface of the cool water. She gripped the porcelain tub and crossed her arms on its edge, resting her chin on her arm. "I want you to know that I understand this separation isn't just some… waiting period." She swallowed hard as moisture started to gather in her eyes. "I put you in second position when I... did what I did... and that was wrong." A hot tear slid down her cheek as she held Jeanine's gaze. "And you deserve better. So, I'm gonna work to give it to you. I'm not gonna push. You need space, I respect that. But I'm not gonna throw in the towel. You take this time, do what ya gotta do, and I'll take it to… Figure out what I can do better." Tris sniffled and rolled her lips together. She loved Jeanine with every piece of her heart, and she desperately wanted to fix things between them.

Jeanine's throat constricted with emotion. "Thank you."

* * *

An hour later Tris was back in bed and Jeanine was turning out the lights.

"Good night Jeanine."

"Good night Tris." Jeanine pulled the door closed at went upstairs. The green glow of her alarm clock told her it was nearly 5am and she huffed. She went into the master bath and took a hot shower and washed herself clean. When she emerged from the bathroom she wore only a fluffy white robe cinched together at her waist. She stared at the king sized bed and grumbled to herself. She felt childish for not wanting to sleep in it, but no amount of logic could convince her otherwise.

She snatched her phone off the nightstand and sent a text to her assistant letting her know that she would be working from home today. She tossed her phone on the bed and glared at the white duvet. Her feet padded across the carpet to the dresser where she pulled out a pair of pajamas and put them on. She grabbed her phone off the bed, set it to silent and returned to the living room. Her eyes lingered on the guest bedroom door and then back to the couch where she had been sleeping.

 _What if Tris wakes up again… It would be easier if I was there…_

Jeanine laughed at her own ridiculous rationalization. The truth was that she and Tris had shared a bed for years, and there was no way she was going to get a wink of sleep without Tris by her side. She shook her head at her own antics and picked up her pillow off the couch.

Slowly, she opened the bedroom door and slipped in under the covers.

"Jeanine?" Tris' thick voice mumbled out her name.

"Shhh. Go back to sleep." Jeanine whispered into the dark.

Tris reached out blindly and met Jeanine's arm. She ran her hand down and clasped Jeanine's fingers between her own. She wanted to kiss her. Wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But she hadn't earned that privilege yet, and she didn't want to do anything that might cause Jeanine to back away. So she held Jeanine's hand, rubbed her thumb across the smooth skin and committed it all to memory.

Jeanine turned her head to the side and stared at Tris in the dark. What she had done was unforgivable, but she was only human and prone to human mistakes and weaknesses. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of Tris' thumb running over the back of her hand.

Within seconds they were both sound asleep. Nothing would ever be the same, but maybe, someday, it could be even better.

* * *

I had not intended to write a part II. But I know you wanted a happy ending Luz, so this was just for you! :) I miss you! XO - A


	30. Tris' Lover

**Tris' Lover**

 **NSFW. Rated M. Light bondage.**

"Close your eyes," Tris says. "Trust me, you'll want to keep them open later. Give them a rest for now."

As if I can ever keep my eyes off her. But I do as I'm told, because this is Tris, and her command over me has incrementally increased in the years we've been together—and is now absolute. I can't say no to her pleading brown eyes and to that lopsided smile she puts on when she has things like this in mind.

I close my eyes and wait.

Nothing happens. But I've learned not to lose my patience. I don't peek through my eyelashes and try to figure out what she's up to. Like she asked me to earlier, I trust her.

She has me naked on the bed and a faint rush of air flows over my skin as she brushes past me. I've heard the sound of her rummaging through a drawer enough times with my eyes closed to successfully identify it. I also know what she keeps in that drawer.

"Give me your hands," she whispers in my ear.

I know better than to offer them to her in front of me. As part of our unspoken code, I bring them behind my back. She ties me up with something that feels like silk. It must be a ribbon of the red dress she decided to tear up a few weeks ago. I'd come home looking ravishing in it, in full-on red carpet mode, still glowing from the attention I'd received. When she told me how good that dress looked on me, so good, in fact, that she wanted to tear it right off me, so, she did. The rip of the fabric in my ears, the touch of her hands on my warm skin, while she slowly exposed my body to her gaze, was so intoxicating, she had me whimpering in minutes.

"That dress is a keeper then," she'd said jokingly afterwards, but she'd meant it.

I relish the memory of that night as she tightens the fabric around my wrists.

"Keep your eyes closed while you shuffle onto the bed. Make yourself comfortable."

She follows up with a little chuckle because it's not exactly easy to make myself comfortable with my hands tied behind my back. Just standing up already makes me lose my balance a little, but, again, I've been in this position many times before. I take tiny steps backwards, turn around and, while bracing my core, bring one knee onto the bed. My other follows quickly and I only sway a little before finding my balance again.

"Better work on your core strength, Jeanine," Tris said the first time she made me do this. I had toppled over face-first into the duvet, to Tris's great delight. Back then, she was still much more easily distracted and we'd both burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. She untied me and allowed me to roam my hands all across her body while she fucked me. Not even if I fall over in the most comic fashion will she let me do that tonight. The way she is with me now has been a gradual evolution of her pushing a tiny bit more every time we do this. The tone of her voice has changed from hesitant to incontestable. The touch of the paddle she sometimes spanks me with has grown from gentle grazing to determined smacking. Sometimes, in moments like these, when I clumsily shuffle onto the bed and try to find a position to sit in, overly aware of her eyes catching my smallest movement, I wonder where it will end. What she'll have me do a year from now.

I've tried fighting her for top, most times playfully but sometimes with such heartfelt passion it warranted a long discussion after, but in this combination of her and me together, this is how it is. And I've grown to enjoy balancing on that thin edge of curiosity, between wanting her to have her way with me in any which way she pleases, and the struggle that remains within me to resist. I'm by no means naturally submissive and we both know it—both get off on it.

"You can open your eyes now," Tris says. I blink when I do and see nothing. I sigh, both with contentment and frustration.

"You'll figure out soon enough why I had to tie you up for this," she whispers in my ear from behind, then lets her teeth clamp down on my earlobe. I've somehow managed to cross my legs underneath me and the touch of her teeth against my skin makes my clit pulse heavily.

Tris makes her way to the other side of the bed and I glue my gaze to her. She's still wearing the tank top and shorts she had on when she tied me up. I have no idea what her next move will be. She might delve back into the drawer, but she doesn't have me in the right position for a spanking. She might just leave me here to ponder her next action on my own for fifteen minutes, until my head is so full of possibilities—and my clit so engorged with lust—I'll be struggling to get my restraints off and put myself out of my horny misery.

Today, she does neither. Instead, she brings her hands to the bottom of her top and, slowly, pulls it over her head. I already knew she wasn't wearing a bra underneath, but the sight of her breasts being liberated, her nipples growing hard just by the feel of the air, unleashes another round of throbbing in my clit.

"It's really a courtesy to you that I've tied you up," Tris says. "You know what I'd have to do to you if you touched yourself of your own volition." There's that crooked grin again, accompanied by a wicked sparkle in her eyes. "I'm all about doing you favors, Jeanine. That's how much I love you." With that, she hooks her thumbs underneath the waistband of her shorts and just stands there for a few seconds—mute and utterly delicious.

She's definitely doing me a favor by, ever so slowly, sliding her shorts over her hips and baring herself to me. As she bends over, her breasts fall forward and, by god, she was right to tie me up because if my hands had been free I would have grabbed for them in a split second. The combination of my impaired mobility and the sight she has me behold has me gasping for breath already. And I know her quick striptease is not where this will end, because that's not how she's wired. Not anymore. If I'm sure of one thing, it's that my hands will remain bound behind my back for a good while longer.

Amused and incredibly aroused, I watch her, waiting for what she'll do next. Even though she would deny it, it's so clear to me that Tris was born to entertain—born for the bright glare of the limelight. She often refuses to switch off the light when we make love, a decision I can always only wholeheartedly agree with because I'm at my happiest when I have my eyes on her, when the light—any light—catches in her glance and I can see how much pleasure she gets from sexually torturing me.

Tris now stands naked before me, her hands on her hips, a grin so triumphant on her lips it makes me fear the worst—or the best. I fully expect her to dig up that nasty flogger she bought a few months ago and have a go with it at my attention-starved nipples. Or maybe she'll go for the nipple clamps. She has that kind of look on her face that's not interested in mercy. Between my legs, I feel myself go wetter.

Instead of reaching for the drawer again and introducing another prop, she gingerly hops onto the bed and sits in front of me.

"How badly do you want to touch me right now?" Her face is a mask of mock-seriousness. As if she doesn't know the answer to that question already. As if it's not written all over my face that I want my wrists to be freed and my hands all over her magnificent body.

The only response that will preserve my dignity in this moment is complete silence. It's all part of the game. I purse my lips together, as though keeping them tightly shut will prevent any pleading words from spilling from them. I look into her eyes, trying to gauge her, the way I've done so many times before, but today, I truly have no idea what she has up her sleeve.

"Come on, Jeanine," she spurs me on. "I'm not above letting you know that I really want to fuck you right now. Meet me in the middle here."

I remain silent, still fiercely braving her gaze. Though I'm getting distracted by the finger she brings an inch from my chin, by the promise of touch I know she won't deliver on. Not yet. She cleaves her finger through the air, the tip of it dangerously close to my nipple now, but our skins don't meet. Though for my nipple, she might as well just have pinched it hard the way it reaches upward, trying to catch her touch.

"Fine." She drops her hand and starts scooting backward. "But remember you asked for this. You know how I feel about these silences of yours." She pushes herself all the way to the other side of the bed, then clasps her arms around her knees chastely, her lips pressed together, as though giving great thought to something—like she didn't plan every single second of this before we entered the bedroom.

And there we sit. I on one side of the bed, hands tied; she on the other. My blood beats with anticipation. My clit feels like it might explode any second now.

Then, slowly, Tris lets her arms drop from around her knees and she spreads her legs, putting herself on full display for me. Instantly, my mouth goes dry. My heartbeat picks up speed. Because now I know how she's going to make me suffer. She's going to make me watch. We've done this over Skype a few times, while I've been away at conferences, but the big difference then was that my hands were not tied behind my back and I could take full advantage of the slew of stimulating images unfolding in front of me.

Her knees drop onto the bed and, her eyes pinned to mine, she inserts a finger into her mouth. She sucks it in deep, making a smacking sound when it leaves her lips. Then she drags it over her neck, in between her breasts, down her belly button, and holds it still in front of her sex. And it feels like she's doing this to me. In my tortured state, I can feel her wet finger drifting over my skin, halting a hair's breadth away from my clit.

Involuntarily, my wrists wriggle against their restraints. I want to break free. I want to do to myself what she's doing to herself. I want to mirror her actions and take the pleasure she's getting from them. But I'm not in charge of my own pleasure. Not tonight. Not yet.

She's not even moving her finger. It just lies there still. The only sound is the one I'm making trying to free myself and I know she must be getting off on the twitch of my muscles, just as I know that she has bound me tightly enough in order for me to not be able to set myself free. This pains me more than any smack she has ever delivered to my ass. The view in front of me is so sexy it hurts.

My wrists ache from being bound, my shoulders from trying to wriggle free, but, most of all, my clit throbs so violently, I'm afraid I might climax just by sitting here. Just by exposure to air and the image of Tris spread open for me, about to touch herself. And that would be the worst sin of all. Not only because it would go against our unspoken rule that, in this particular situation, I am not allowed to come without her explicit permission, but, even more so, because for me, it would feel like a wasted orgasm. A quick shudder of relief that would not deliver on the anticipation that's being built up and up. I don't want a shudder from this, I want a dazzling thunderstorm.

I try to steady my breathing and, behind my back, clasp my fingers together solemnly instead of fidgeting with the fabric around my wrists. I focus on my breath and, when I look into Tris' eyes again, I see she's waiting for me to calm down. To enjoy this in a way that doesn't ruin my eventual pleasure. Oh, how I will explode when she frees me and finally touches me. One flick of her finger and I will fall apart underneath it. But we're not there yet. I take another deep breath and try to tap into the stamina that I've built up being Tris' lover.

Then, her finger starts moving. She slides it over her nether lips, into the wetness that has gathered there. Her other hand joins the party and, with it, she spreads her lips wide, opening up her most intimate spot, for me. Though we're a world away from touching each other, we're so close in this moment. So wrapped up in each other. So completely devoted to each other. I belong to her, the same way she belongs to me.

Tris' no longer wise-cracking. Her mouth has drooped open. Playing with me the way she's been doing must have aroused her greatly and now, in the smallest way, it's my turn to enjoy her torture. Because she's actually touching herself and how can she not surrender to that? She will come under my gaze. My eyes on her will make her climax much faster than she'd want to. Inside of Tris' mind, a war is waging now. I can tell by the intensified motion of her finger around her clit. And, oh god, she brings a finger of her other hand inside herself and the groan that subsequently fills the room doesn't come from her side of the bed.

"Jesus," I moan. This is too much. The desire to touch my clit is so overwhelming I fear I might pass out. But then I would miss out on the spectacle she's giving me. One finger circles, while the other dips in and out of her, until she wants more and she adds another finger and delves them deep inside, as deep as they will go. I wish those were my fingers feeling the warmth inside of her, giving her this pleasure. I wish it was my tongue circling her clit. I wish so many things, until all my wishes are drowned out by the sight of Tris' stiffening limbs.

She's coming in front of me. Even though I'm not the one delivering her climax, the fact that she's giving herself up to me this way, showing her most vulnerable side as the orgasm claims her, I feel it power through me. The river my pussy has become will surely leave an irremovable stain on the sheets—a memento to remind us of this night forever. Her two fingers go deep inside of her as her muscles spasm, as her pussy contracts around her, and she furiously strokes her clit.

When she comes to, opens her eyes and finds my gaze, there's no sign of triumph in her eyes. Her smile is soft, barely-there, her eyes narrowed in what looks to me like compassion. Because I had to witness this while imprisoned by her control over me.

This moment is a culmination of everything, because it's the instant before she will release me, but it's also the aftermath of her climax she had me watch, it's what this entire night has boiled down to. She knows it. I know it. It's why I don't mind her waiting a few seconds before she pushes herself up and gazes deep into my eyes, affirming our love, and this chemistry between us, and what our sex life has become as opposed to what it was when we first met. It's a recognition of the journey we've been on, inside and outside of the bedroom.

Then, finally, just as she did before, she comes for me.

She cups my jaw in her hands and kisses me as the smell that lingers on her fingers penetrates my nose.

"Untie me," I beg, when we break from the kiss, because I don't care about the game anymore. My skin sizzles with need. My clit aches with unmet desire. My entire body has become an extension of the want between my legs. I need her now.

Tris doesn't speak, just brings her hands behind my back and, as though she bound my hands together with the most uncomplicated knot, sets me free. My wrists are numb, but I don't take the time to shake some new life into them. Instead, I throw my arms around Tris' neck and pull her to me. Our breasts crash together, her skin on mine is hot.

I let myself fall backwards, pulling Tris on top of me. "Fuck me now," I say in between heavy breaths. "Please, fuck me now."

Not even Tris has the gall to not immediately honor my request. There's no more room for exerting control over me now. Time has run out. I'm sure, next time, she'll push me farther, but tonight, I've earned my climax.

She plants a flurry of kisses on my jaw, neck, nipples on her way down. I let my legs fall wide, allowing her to see the full extent of my arousal. I'm so wet I feel it trickle down my behind, coating my inner thighs. My clit is a pulsing heart of dire need, evidence of how her actions have aroused me. Wisely, she doesn't kiss it immediately. It would set me off straight away and she knows what I like when I come. One of her exquisitely long fingers inside of me at the very least. Or two or three. Wet as I am, three shouldn't be an issue at all.

I feel her breath move over me down there, feel her fingers skate up my thigh, along my lips, spreading my pussy wide. She plunges in two from the start, quickly adding a third, and I'm starting to lose it already. I'm in Tris' heaven. Images of how she delved her fingers into her own pussy earlier pop up on the backs of my eyelids. Oh, those fingers and what they can do. They instantly connect with something deeper inside of me, with the need she has created by tying me up and making me watch her, by the desire that's been running in my veins since the day we met. Already, I'm starting to crumble under her touch. But my neglected clit is still thumping wildly, still waiting impatiently for the touch of her tongue.

When I don't feel her tongue touch down as expected, I open my eyes and see her gazing at my face, her lips trembling with focus, her dark eyes glimmering with love. I don't have to say anything because how could she not know. I love her with every cell in body and I need her tongue on my clit right now. I need release. I've been tortured enough.

Then, at last, she bows her head and, a split second later, her tongue is where I want it. Her fingers are still pumping, still bringing me to new heights, but the addition of her tongue, finally, lets me really break free. My hands are in her long, fanned-out hair. My pelvis is bucking up, trying to find some rhythm. My clit is melting under her tongue's caress. The sensation spreads through me. When my muscles start to shudder with orgasm, I relive the image of Tris sucking her own finger deep into her mouth. The same finger she's fucking me with now. It all blends together. What has come before and what's happening now. The touch of her tongue and her fingers. The smile with which she undressed earlier. The memory of the ribbon of red dress cutting into my wrists. And I erupt under her touch. My body gives itself to her completely, resulting in a loud, syncopated moan from my lips.

I'm free and I'm hers as she claims me with her fingers and her tongue, as the orgasm dances through me, reaching every extremity, saturating my blood, singing under my skin. When I come down from the cloud I was just on, the one that transported me out of my body and kept me firmly locked in its pleasure at the same time, I know that it would never have felt like this—this liberating, this earth-shattering, this all-consuming—if she hadn't played me so expertly from the very beginning.

With a contented sigh, I sink into the mattress, as Tris' fingers retreat. That victorious smile is back on her lips, but there's a subtle difference with the one she painted on earlier. A tenderness has crept into it. A tenderness that emanates from her entire body as she drapes it over mine and whispers in my ear, "I love you."

I pull her close and we fold our bodies together. "I love you more."


	31. Hope

Tris leaned over the bathroom sink and spat out blood. She ran her tongue over the open gash on her lip and leaned forward to get a better look in the mirror. Peter had left her with more bruises and scrapes from their latest sparring match.

"That's going to need stitches."

Tris' gaze darted up the mirror to see blue eyes and blonde hair. _Jeanine_. She released her lip with a pop and hissed when it scraped against her teeth.

"Here," Jeanine grabbed a paper towel and folded it into a neat square.

Tris took the makeshift bandage from Jeanine's outstretched hand and pressed it to her lip. "Thanks."

Jeanine gave her a curt nod and started to wash her hands. "Keep your head down and strike first."

Tris stared at the blonde bewildered. _Is Jeanine Matthews seriously giving me sparring advice? Damn I musta hit my head hard._

"Your fast, use that to your advantage. Catching your opponent off guard is not always an option, but when it is - take it." Jeanine turned off the faucet and dried her hands with a paper towel, stepping past Tris in the process. "Chin up Prior. You're not the first one to choose Dauntless." Jeanine threw the used towel in the waste bin and wrapped her hand around the door handle. "You should have picked Erudite instead," she whispered then gave Tris a knowing smile and walked out the door.

Tris stared at the open doorway until the door re-latched. _Did that really just happen? Peter must have hit me really hard in the head._ Tris looked at herself in the mirror. _She knows… She knows I picked Dauntless… She knows my test results…_ Tris' heart started to pound in her chest as anxiety filled her veins. _I should have picked Erudite? ... What does that mean? … Oh my God._ Tris' jaw went slack and she ran to the door, throwing it open and rushing down the hallway.

"Jeanine!"

The Erudite leader turned to see Tris barreling down the hall full-speed toward her.

"How did you… I mean…" Tris panted out the words. Her lungs felt like fire - _definitely bruised_ \- she winced at the pain.

Jeanine raised her eyebrows expectantly and tried to conceal her grin.

"Thanks," Tris blushed crimson, "for the advice."

Jeanine nodded and took a half step closer. She looked around to make sure no one was nearby and lowered her voice so it was barely above a whisper. "People like us have to stick together Tris. Don't give up. Learn to fight like a Dauntless, and you'll be fine." Jeanine gave Tris a playful wink and a grin pulled at the corner of her lips.

Tris gave Jeanine a lopsided smile and watched the Erudite leader take off down the hallway. She turned on her heels and headed in the opposite direction. She tasted blood in her mouth and put the makeshift bandage back in. _I'm not alone._ Her swollen lips curved into a smile around the paper towel as she made her way to the med-bay. The rest of the day Tris replayed the conversation in her mind. Jeanine's words filled her with courage, and more importantly, they filled her with hope.


	32. 29 Days

Rated T for adult themes. Miscarriage.

* * *

 _For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn. - Ernest Hemingway_

Tris leaned back against the counter and blew against the steaming dark liquid in her mug. She watched the dark liquid swirl around and inhaled it's rich scent. She took a sip and swallowed quickly, the liquid still too hot to drink. Her gaze wandered up from her drink to the woman sitting at the breakfast bar. Alabaster skin encased in blue silk dared her gaze to linger. Her eyes followed each line, every tiny crease and fold she could find. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips when loose blonde ringlets came into view, but it quickly faded when dark circles under grey eyes caught her attention. She leaned back against the countertop and stretched her toes against the cool kitchen tile. She let out a quiet sigh and blew cool breath on her coffee again. She studied Jeanine's eyes carefully. They were far quieter than they were a month ago. She took another sip of the coffee, not minding that it hurt to swallow the steaming liquid.

It had been 29 days. 29 days since they found out their dream wouldn't come true. 29 days since their hearts had shattered. 29 days since they were forced to face their greatest fear.

Tris shifted and a heaviness sunk into her skin. Her shoulders fell in defeat, her back slouched, spine curling in on itself. Her eyes burned with tears but she quickly blinked them away. She cleared her throat and steadied her voice the best she could.

"I see the wheels turning. Want to tell me why?" Of course, she already knew why, but she wanted Jeanine to have the option to not talk about it as well.

Jeanine didn't look away from where she was aimlessly staring. She was too lost in her own thoughts, in her own mind, to hear Tris speak. Her mind was an endless reel of memories, all blurred and colored with emotion.

She watches herself intertwine her fingers with Tris'. She can almost feel the warmth of Tris' thumb brushing over the back of her hand. She watches herself take a deep breath and stumble out of the bathroom, a positive home pregnancy test in hand. Her breath falters when she re-lives the look of pure joy on Tris' face. Her mind blurs, months of preparation, clothes purchased and books read. She watches herself share in the excitement with other expectant mothers. The faintest feeling of excitement starts to bubble up in her chest, it's that ever-hopeful feeling, that never seems to go away.

She sighs silently and her excitement turns into brutal heart-breaking, gut-wrenching pain. She watches herself wake up sick in the middle of the night. Her body trembles as a ghost of the pain crawls over her skin. She remembers the blood, the life gone out of her. Time blurs in her mind until she feels Tris lift her from the floor into the shower. She watches Tris cry, still in her pajamas, standing in the shower under the pouring water. A familiar ache settles in her bones when she remembers not being able to move for days. Her ears burn with the sound of opening black plastic bags. She sees herself throwing away books, clothes and buckets of paint. But it was more than that. She was throwing away the dream she had harbored in her soul. Her fingers curl into fists when she remembers the steel walls she built up keeping everything, everyone (even Tris) out. She remembers flipping the switch, turning it all off, tired of feeling too much. It was 29 days ago, but it feels like yesterday.

Tris sighed at Jeanine's silence and slowly crossed the kitchen. She sat her mug on the counter next to Jeanine's and gently rested her hand on a thin shoulder. She squeezed lightly, thankful Jeanine didn't shrug her off this time. They were making progress.

"Hey… We don't have to do anything today, okay?" She did her best to sound comforting and searched Jeanine's face, hungry for some kind of response. "We can stay right here if that's what you want."

Jeanine's body shivered under Tris' touch and her eyes fell closed. She pulled a breath in between her lips and held it until white spots started to appear behind her eyes.

Tris slid her hand over Jeanine's shoulder and gave her a side-hug. "It's gonna be okay," she squeezed gently, "It's gonna be okay."

Jeanine leaned into Tris' embrace, tilting her head Tris' direction. She felt her defenses slip and her broken heart tried to open up again. She closed her eyes and drew in a calming breath. She was locked within the confines of her own mind, torturing herself, afraid of feeling again. Her tongue felt heavy, and her teeth ground together. Nothing was right, and it was all out of her control. Tears silently slid from her eyes and she buried her face in the soft fabric of Tris' sleep-shirt. "I'm so sorry Tris." Her voice cracked and she felt Tris lull her even closer.

Tears pooled in brown eyes and Tris tightened her grip on Jeanine even further. "Me too Jeanine… Me too." She sniffled and rested her chin on top of Jeanine's head. She ran her fingers through blonde hair and tried to sooth the woman in her arms. "It wasn't your fault Jeanine." Tris kissed the top of Jeanine's head and held her tightly. "It's okay," she whispered softly, silently pushing through her tears. "It's all gonna be okay." Afterall, they had made it the first 29 days… Now they just had to make it through 29 more.


	33. Domesticity

Jeanine opened the front door to her home and let out a heavy sigh of relief. Her week had been non-stop but it was finally Friday and she was determined to spend an entire day not thinking about work. She left her tote bag in her home-office, pulling the door closed with finality. She rounded the corner of the kitchen to see Tris nursing a beer and working over the stove.

"Hey!" Tris smiled brightly and left the stove to embrace her wife. She gave Jeanine a tight hug and a soft kiss. "How was your day?"

Jeanine locked her fingers together behind Tris and feigned a smile, "It was okay."

"Hmmm?" Tris eyed her wife suspiciously, but didn't press. She knew Jeanine was under a tremendous amount of stress. "Well, you don't have to worry about any of that for the next two days. How about we do something fun tomorrow? We've been talking about going out to Amity to see Johanna for months. Maybe we could make it an overnight stay?"

"That sounds great." Jeanine gave Tris a genuine smile and kissed her wife again. "Thank you."

Tris smiled happily and released her hold on Jeanine. She crossed the kitchen to open the fridge. "Red or white tonight?"

"Red," Jeanine responded assuredly, a smile settling on her lips as the love she felt for Tris started to overflow from her heart.

Tris grinned and pulled a bottle of red wine from the fridge. "Tell you what, why don't you go change into something comfy and I'll have this ready when you get back?"

"Good plan." Jeanine dismissed herself from the kitchen and climbed the staircase to the master bedroom. She removed her stilettos and curled her toes in the carpet, happy to be walking flat-footed again. She took off her business attire and dropped them in the hamper, her armour falling away piece by piece.

She riffled through her dresser drawers pulling out a stretchy, yet slimming, pair of black yoga pants. She looked through her shirts, but nothing grabbed her attention. So she opened the next drawer down and found one of Tris' oversized t-shirts. She pulled the shirt over her head and smirked herself in the mirror. There was no denying married-life had changed her. Jeanine's grin turned into a smile. It was undoubtedly a change for good. She pulled the pins out of her hair, letting blonde tresses tumble over her shoulders. Another thing that had changed. She ran her hand through her hair and made a funny face at herself in the mirror. She was so far away from the cold, calculating person she had been when she first met Tris. The Divergent girl had come bursting into her life, turning everything upside down. She laughed at herself and shook her head, turned out the lights and returned to the kitchen.

"Just in time," Tris announced carrying two plates full of food toward the living room. Jeanine followed Tris' lead to see her wine glass already sitting on the coffee table. She rounded the end of the couch and took a seat on the cool white leather. Tris handed her a plate and she inhaled the savory smell. "Yum."

Tris smiled and gently sat down next to Jeanine. "I know it's your favorite."

The blonde smiled and pressed her lips to Tris' cheek. "Thank you."

Tris blushed "You're welcome."

Jeanine started to eat and Tris turned on the TV so they could watch the Olympics. They spent the remainder of the evening predicting the event outcomes and snuggling on the couch.

Jeanine sunk into Tris' embrace. For all the hectic, unpredictable, crazy things that had happened during her week, Tris was always there. She was the constant, the consistency that kept Jeanine from going off the rails, from becoming cold and calculating again. Tris was her safe haven, her home, and the one that held her heart.


End file.
